To think this gift wasn’t offensive?

[Steppingonpegg]

So it’s been a hard 18 months. One of the things is DC age 3 has been diagnosed with autism. I’ve found it hard, everyone has been upset and confused but we’re getting there. I’m his biggest fan, biggest advocate of course. It’s getting easier, slowly.

I got DMIL a gift. It’s a key ring that says ‘We’re just Dancing In The Dark’. You, me, all of us. Love your Steven’ (DC isn’t actually a Steven for the record )

Anyway, MIL took it out at her birthday tea and said ‘oh’. Lovely. Then I thought nothing of it and thought she hasn’t read it properly. She’s a Springsteen fan like myself.

Got home later that evening and she’s text H to say how could nobody get her anything proper this year. Where are her usual flowers? She said ‘you know I don’t like gifts. That’s why I just say get flowers. I’m shocked you think so little of me’.

AIBU to think our gift was nice and not at all uncaring? I felt so sad she didn’t see the message behind it

The key ring sounds totally random and a bit rubbish, sorry, OP. Even a diamond keyring is still a keyring and not a suitable gift between adults. She asked for flowers, why didn't your DH just get what she wanted? She is not U to be disappointed that you ignored her wishes but she is rude to have complained.

I don’t really get the message behind it tbh, but then I’m not a Springsteen fan.

Don’t stress over it - obviously it’s to your taste and not to hers! Next time just get her flowers, she clearly knows what she wants and is rude enough to ask for it.

Personally I would see a key ring as a kind of stocking filler/token gift, I’d be a bit surprised to get one as my main gift (even with chocolates).

I think it's a lovely gift, and know my DM would appreciate something like this. What a brat to even bring it up. I would reply to her 'Yes we think so little of you that we spent time and money having a gift created that was deeply personal to our family - and we hoped that included you - instead of grabbing a generic meaningless bunch of flowers. We're sorry the gift is unappreciated, feel free to give it back in exchange for something less special'

Probably she complained so you know she doesn't want random gifts in future.

I think she was rude to say anything but I do think a keyring is an odd gift. I don’t like anything with quotes on though.

She had the decency to text your DH about the present. Not sure why he felt the need to tell you she sent it. Also not sure why you've been lumbered with buying MIL a present. I leave that to DH.

You put thought into buying her something you thought she'd appreciate. Let your DH explain that to her and remind her that the polite thing to do with gifts is to say thank you and smile - even if that's not how you feel.

We've probably all been on the receiving end of gifts we don't appreciate but most of us wouldn't risk hurting someone's feelings over it.

You have every right to feel miffed OP

Well you know for next birthday and a Christmas now then OP.

If she complained to your DH then leave him to present buy next time (or the flowers/whatever), just don’t get involved.

She can be ungrateful with him about whatever he doesn’t get her.

She clearly doesn’t give a damn what thought or effort you put in, so don’t put any in.

I think the key ring is about you (and your DS) is it something she would usually use or appreciate? Perhaps you would like it, but she likes flowers and it’s about her, if it’s her birthday.

By all means give her a key ring if you want something sentimental but not instead of her usual flowers. I think she is being it a bit petty, she could have kept her disappointment to herself and you are overthinking it.

If she likes flowers, and told you she likes flowers, why did you get her something that you liked, not what she likes? It’s her birthday, after all. I’m with the MIL on this one. A key ring? I already have a key ring on my keys. It’s not something to get excited about. It just holds my keys together.

Does she have other grandchildren? My brother once gave my mum a key fob with a photo of his children on it. It was nice but put my mum in a difficult situation as she has 9 grandchildren and it seemed odd to have just two of them on her key ring. Your MIL may feel the same way - it’s odd to have just one grand child’s name on her key ring.

DH is off to the shops this morning to drop some flowers at her step. He said he won’t be chatting, just knocking and leaving.

He says she’s a piss taker for stropping and all she’s getting going forward is a £10 bunch from Tesco. He did text back to say she was ungrateful and I’d been excited to give her the gift. She didn’t reply, left him on read

@Steppingonpegg

DH is off to the shops this morning to drop some flowers at her step. He said he won’t be chatting, just knocking and leaving.

He says she’s a piss taker for stropping and all she’s getting going forward is a £10 bunch from Tesco. He did text back to say she was ungrateful and I’d been excited to give her the gift. She didn’t reply, left him on read

Good - I like your DH

It seems like a small gift for a close family member, especially if you usually get her flowers and a department store voucher. I can understand why she might feel a bit miffed. Is money tight but she is unaware? If so, your DH should just explain,

I don’t think the gift was offensive. I’m surprised anybody would text to complain about a present, that seems really petty. I suppose she didn’t ‘get’ the sentiment, which is disappointing as you tried to do something nice.

I would let your DH explain why you thought the gift was special and then go back to giving flowers each year.

Ah, op, don't worry. Remove it from your mind, and chalk it to experience. You tried something different, it didn't work, never mind. It was unkind of your mil to say anything. But, meh, if she prefers a bouquet of flowers, then she prefers a bouquet of flowers. I do agree though, for me a keyring, regardless of what's it's made from or the sentiment, is an 'add-on' present.

It's extremely rude and to expect a gift and even worse to comment on it.
I think your gift was lovely.
Let dh sort her birthday from now on.

Scar a little bit. We are just putting some aside after paying for a few unexpected emergencies. But MIL knows this, she likes to know all of our financials. We don’t tell her everything though of course

Don't know why your DH is getting her flowers now - he is rewarding her for rudeness and ingratitude...

Sure from now on I'd get her cheap flowers and nothing else.

What a brat! I'd be tempted to not give her a gift or flowers next year!

And I think your grumpy DH dropping off flowers and leaving without a word is passive aggressive. A text to explain would have been enough.

I’ll be honest and say that I don’t think it was a good gift.
It’s a bit cheesy as well as not being a good present, and she probably won’t want to use it, so it will just go in the bottom of a drawer.
It’s also sort of making her birthday gift all about your son’s autism, which is not much fun really is it?

DH is off to the shops this morning to drop some flowers at her step. He said he won’t be chatting, just knocking and leaving

That’s mean and childish.

I think it's rude to complain about gifts, unless perhaps the gift was an expensive mistake and you want to stop the giver wasting money on the same thing again.

A personalised keyring - it's one of those 'what do you buy the person who has everything' gifts. I wouldn't want one as I've had the same keyring (perfect for my needs) for years, but the sort of person who regularly updates their keyring might like it. If I was given one I would try to be gracious about it.

Hmm ... So the gift was directly referencing a difficult time you've all had concerning her grandson?

It's not exactly celebratory, is it? A gift should be about the recipient.

And yes, key rings are just - awful.

Never mind, you'll know better next year.

(And half my gifts miss their mark, so I understand the crushing mortification ...)

Well I’ve bought a few key rings for birthdays (always engraved or special imo) so I think your MIL is ungrateful. Isn’t it the thought that counts. I would far rather a meaningful present then some generic flowers!