MIL and chocolate

[Verity35]

Advice pls or just allow me to vent!

MIL family all have diabetes so you would think she would know better. She has started looking after my 2 year old whilst I work so when I go to Pick him up along with my 6 year old DD she grabs her and gives her the following everytime: Kit Kat chunky, hairibo sweets and sometimes jelly. We have had huge fights in the past as she’s very controlling and things are better now so I don’t want to rock the boat but I’m very angry thst I’ve told her in past dd doesn’t eat dinner when she’s full up on junk but her and Fil laugh at me and say I’m overreacting when I mention junk food and diabetes. I really hate them, I’m seeing them tomorrow and I’m worried I’m going to lose it. I’m due on my period so feeling extra grouchy and sensitive.

I’m really sick of my mil. I’m not worried about 2 year old as he hated anything sweet and he’s chucked biscuits at her when she offers him one!

I stupidly asked my mum for advice and her reaction has made me even angrier - she told me “please don’t say anything, she won’t like it, we gave you kids sweets and chocolate ALL the time and you’re fine. Please don’t say anything to your mil you’re just gonna start a fight”.

Stop using her for free childcare then you can do what you want.

Either you grow a pair and put your foot very firmly down, or you find alternative childcare. That's the choice.

Find someone else to look after your kids.

Yeah, pay for childcare

Or it's going to annoy you for 3 years

Do you let your parents give your kids sweets all the time and say nothing, and are fine with it, as your mother says?

I’m due on my period

No one needs or wants to know this

You're letting her watch your child. Find a childminder instead, who will listen to you.

And good luck with getting a dentist's appointment if your dd's teeth all rot away because round here they don't exist any more.

Pay somebody else to look after your children. Don’t like how she looks after them - don’t put them there. Blunt but true.

I don't think the MIL is the controlling one

Do you let your parents give your kids sweets all the time and say nothing, and are fine with it, as your mother says?
That’s not what her mother says; her mother says she gave the OP sweets as a child and she has grown up to be fine.

Pay for childcare, OP.

Having a period isn't a free pass to be an arse. And pay for childcare or ask nicely and have a civilised conversation about your concerns.

@VainAbigail

I’m due on my period

No one needs or wants to know this

Hold on, I hear 1950 calling.....

I wouldn't let someone I hate look after my children.

I wouldn't trust her to look after them.

That's an obscene amount of sugar for a small child to be given all the time. I wouldn't allow it

You don't trust and with good reason if she laughs when you express an opinion about your own child. I had similar issues with PIL (DH has always been obese, SIL has multiple health issues and vit deficiency) and in the end has to politely end our arrangement and access nursery for DD. It costs a fortune but is only for a year until the free hours take some of the sting out and it is so worth it! No more arguing over basic safety standards, no more telling them that a whole packet of quavers and 2 dull sized chocolate mousses are not appropriate for a 2 year old at 4pm just before dinner, no more food that's a choking hazard, and no more them not telling me about a nasty head bump because 'she's fine and it was 90mins ago' - this infuriated me more because I'm a first aid trainer FFS. You don't trust them to get a nursery because it sounds like you hate them but are happy to inflict them on your children?

Put the chocolate in your pocket for after tea or not. No need to upset her

Give the kids the sweets when you think they should have them - is jelly really a huge problem? It’s mostly water. And pay for your childcare.

'Oh how lovely, we'll save those till after tea' and put the, straight into a bag.

After tea dole out a sensible serving.

Your D.C. will accept this if you talk to them about it, train them up. Don't diss their grandma, just say 'you know how school have a healthy lunch box policy, so you all stay fit and healthy? It's just like that.'

My kids knew all sweets, party bags, etc went in a tub with their name on. After dinner- 'grab something from your box'.

By the sound of it her looking after ds is a red herring as she doesn’t over feed him with junk/sweets, just tries to give dd sweets when you and her go to pick ds up? If I’ve understood correctly. So it’s just whenever you see them basically? I would be annoyed too but is there more background if you actually say you hate them?

@Needbettername

Stop using her for free childcare then you can do what you want.

This is exactly what I was going to post.

Don't let her eat it before tea. Can you use alternative childcare?

No I can’t afford any more days. He does 2 days at nursery and 3 days with them. The 2 days he does is over half my monthly wage. I have hardly anything left over as it is

I'd worry that the dc she is looking after will be slowly weaned onto junk food. So yes - alternative childcare seems like the only alternative.

What about your dp's wage (assuming you have shared finances)?

*nearly half not over half!