MIL and chocolate

[Verity35]

Advice pls or just allow me to vent!

MIL family all have diabetes so you would think she would know better. She has started looking after my 2 year old whilst I work so when I go to Pick him up along with my 6 year old DD she grabs her and gives her the following everytime: Kit Kat chunky, hairibo sweets and sometimes jelly. We have had huge fights in the past as she’s very controlling and things are better now so I don’t want to rock the boat but I’m very angry thst I’ve told her in past dd doesn’t eat dinner when she’s full up on junk but her and Fil laugh at me and say I’m overreacting when I mention junk food and diabetes. I really hate them, I’m seeing them tomorrow and I’m worried I’m going to lose it. I’m due on my period so feeling extra grouchy and sensitive.

I’m really sick of my mil. I’m not worried about 2 year old as he hated anything sweet and he’s chucked biscuits at her when she offers him one!

I stupidly asked my mum for advice and her reaction has made me even angrier - she told me “please don’t say anything, she won’t like it, we gave you kids sweets and chocolate ALL the time and you’re fine. Please don’t say anything to your mil you’re just gonna start a fight”.

Take the sweets and pop them in a pot at home and ration them out how you see it. Say “thank you, let’s save them for after tea”.

No drama needed.

Definitely envious of the free childcare.

Do you have a DP - why isn’t he contributing to child care costs and managing the arrangement with his parents? I’d leave the three days with is mother for him to sort out if you have to pay the two days child care out of your wage.

There's actually very strong evidence that there's no causation between sugar and diabetes. There is a proven causation between obesity and diabetes - and obese people tend to eat a lot of sugar but obese people who don't eat sugar also get diabetes to the same extent. Also, sweeteners have been shown to increase chances of diabetes to a greater extent than sugar.
This is largely irrelevant though. A child of that age should not be eating that much sugar, regardless of whether it's causing diabetes. But OP needs to stop expecting MIL to give her a shit tonne of free childcare and do everything she asks and be grateful for the chance whilst OP bad mouths her and disrespects her.

I am NOT getting free childcare for my DD I pick her up from school and we go to collect LO from mil house. Regardless free childcare or not she should not fill her up on junk just before dinner time!

Where is your DH in all this? Has he spoken to his mother?

Can you say, "Oh, just the sweets today, I think, we need to eat tea when we get home," and hand back the KitKat and the jelly?

A tiny pack of Haribo x 3 a week is not a terrible thing, if your DD is not having anything else sweet.

On the other hand, leaving your children with someone who you claim to hate seems odd. Could your own mum have them/him instead?

@quelquechose

Definitely envious of the free childcare.

Do you have a DP - why isn’t he contributing to child care costs and managing the arrangement with his parents? I’d leave the three days with is mother for him to sort out if you have to pay the two days child care out of your wage.

What makes you think he's not contributing to childcare? This is HIS mother doing the childcare three days every week for free! Someone always finds a way to make everything a man's fault on this forum.

@MootingMirror Wtf! Can u not read! My DD goes school I get ZERO childcare from mil for her! Ffs

[quote Verity35]@Bigdogsmalldog thank you! I only mentioned it for context - I.e. I might be working myself up due to hormones[/quote]
And using your hormones from your periods as an excuse is exactly what is setting women back 50 years. Own yoir emotions not blame it on your period. After all you are an adult

What's wrong with having an adult to adult conversation about it? Or as some other posters have suggested, pocket them, thank graciously and dole out later. You sound really antagonistic towards your MIL anyway, maybe this is partially clouding your judgement.

But you are getting free childcare from your MiL - it’s entirely splitting hairs to say it’s not for one child.

Intercept the sweets, say “we’ll have these after tea” and your DD will probably forget about them.

You are making an entire drama here out of something that doesn’t need to happen.

[quote Verity35]@MootingMirror Wtf! Can u not read! My DD goes school I get ZERO childcare from mil for her! Ffs[/quote]
My apologies. MIL looks after DS for free not DD - that changes absolutely everything. The sex of your child makes the entire situation completely different.....

Bloody crazy weirdos! I was asking for f’ing advice not anything else! Taking your issues out on others as usual lol

It a weird reaction in mumsnet, that if you get free childcare you can’t put a stop to a mil giving a young child this amount of sugar everytime

I don't think free childcare means not making your preferences known, but I do think it means not having any comeback if there's a dispute and the carer won't do what you want. OP can argue with the PIL about the sugar, and would be right to do so, but ultimately she can't control what goes on when she's not there. If PIL have strong feelings they will carry on doing what they want regardless of what OP says. This is the nature of informal voluntary arrangements.

Oh god, its gonna be one of those posters......

Maybe AIBU was the wrong board if you wanted people to agree with you OP.

Verity35
@MootingMirror* Wtf! Can u not read! My DD goes school I get ZERO childcare from mil for her! Ffs
My apologies. MIL looks after DS for free not DD - that changes absolutely everything. The sex of your child makes the entire situation completely different..... hmm*

No I weirdo it doesn’t! The fact my dd is not looked after by her so u can’t say I’m using her for childcare so she can feed my dd whatever she wants, fi

You got advice. The advice is to stop taking advantage of MIL and treating her like shit. Even your own mother is telling you to stop starting fights - and from your attitude on here it's clear to see why she thinks you're trying to start one.
You're the one getting angry with everyone because you won't accept you're being unreasonable so pot/kettle perhaps?

*you

[quote Verity35]@MootingMirror Wtf! Can u not read! My DD goes school I get ZERO childcare from mil for her! Ffs[/quote]
But you get three days free childcare for your other child! Just take the bloody sweets away, ffs!

@Verity35

*Verity35 *@MootingMirror* Wtf! Can u not read! My DD goes school I get ZERO childcare from mil for her! Ffs My apologies. MIL looks after DS for free not DD - that changes absolutely everything. The sex of your child makes the entire situation completely different..... hmm*

No I weirdo it doesn’t! The fact my dd is not looked after by her so u can’t say I’m using her for childcare so she can feed my dd whatever she wants, fi

You ARE using her for childcare. On what possible planet do you not think you're using MIL for childcare?!

Well, this escalated. You got advice. You just don't like it that we're not agreeing with your hate of MIL.

Just talk to her, hide the chocolate and sweets in your pocket. Chuck them in the bin on the way out.

Asking a question in AIBU is not the right place to be. Then you throw your toys out the pram when not everyone agrees.

@MootingMirror I presume it makes a difference because it’s not DS who is getting fed loads of sweets as he doesn’t eat them, it’s DD - so it’s really just that DD sees them regularly and this is when the sweets handover takes place.

What do you do when she tries to give them OP?

I thought your mum telling you not to start a fight was an odd reaction, but I’m starting to see what she was talking about...