MIL and chocolate

[Verity35]

Advice pls or just allow me to vent!

MIL family all have diabetes so you would think she would know better. She has started looking after my 2 year old whilst I work so when I go to Pick him up along with my 6 year old DD she grabs her and gives her the following everytime: Kit Kat chunky, hairibo sweets and sometimes jelly. We have had huge fights in the past as she’s very controlling and things are better now so I don’t want to rock the boat but I’m very angry thst I’ve told her in past dd doesn’t eat dinner when she’s full up on junk but her and Fil laugh at me and say I’m overreacting when I mention junk food and diabetes. I really hate them, I’m seeing them tomorrow and I’m worried I’m going to lose it. I’m due on my period so feeling extra grouchy and sensitive.

I’m really sick of my mil. I’m not worried about 2 year old as he hated anything sweet and he’s chucked biscuits at her when she offers him one!

I stupidly asked my mum for advice and her reaction has made me even angrier - she told me “please don’t say anything, she won’t like it, we gave you kids sweets and chocolate ALL the time and you’re fine. Please don’t say anything to your mil you’re just gonna start a fight”.

Given you depend on her for free childcare, you need to really think if this is the hill you want to die on. Just taken the candy away and save it for later.

You need to make a choice: give up work and look after your kids yourself; find someone else who will look after your kids (maybe in return for you doing something for them?) or pay someone. You can't have your MIL provide free childcare and be mad at her for feeding your kids stuff you don't want them to have. Sure, she shouldn't do that, but you owe her because she's giving you free childcare.

Have you tried channelling some of this volatility and aggression into a sport. Perhaps speed sweetie-eating.

She has started looking after my 2 year old whilst I work so when I go to Pick him up along with my 6 year old DD she grabs her and gives her the following everytime: Kit Kat chunky, hairibo sweets and sometimes jelly. We have had huge fights in the past as she’s very controlling and things are better now so I don’t want to rock the boat but I’m very angry thst I’ve told her in past dd doesn’t eat dinner when she’s full up on junk but her and Fil laugh at me and say I’m overreacting when I mention junk food and diabetes. I really hate them, I’m seeing them tomorrow and I’m worried I’m going to lose it.

You say above she looks after your child. Do you charge her if you’re now saying you get no free childcare?
To those saying it’s jealously of free childcare - absolutely not. Who would be jealous of her having someone she admitted she hates looking after their child. Nah don’t think so.

I really hate them

Happy to use them for free childcare though.

Bit two faced aren't you.

You despise them but happy to use for your own benefit.

I hope they drop you right in it if you start a fight with them. Maybe then you'll appreciate what they do for you.

You can always gauge a situation like this based on the responses from the OP as to whether the MIL is controlling and awful or perfectly normal.

OP I would take a long hard look at your responses and how quickly you went to anger and volatility

Listen to your Mum she knows you better than anyone and also is clued into your MIL. Her advice seems sound

I would take the sweets, say thank you we’ll have them later and then squirrel them away.

I’d suffer it for the free childcare and just limit what I gave them in my own home.

@Thisisnotnormal69 I was actually going to stop reading till I saw your post! I think u get what I’m trying to ask for - advice not bloody judgement and NOT wanting people to agree with me.

What do u fo when mil gives it to dd I ask mil not to give it to DD but she ignores me then Fil does his usual face. My dd eats it. I tried leaving dd in car whilst I go in and collect LO but mil walks out to car and hands her junk. What shall I do tomorrow? I’m worried I’m not going to be calm as I’m on edge.

VainAbigail

"I’m due on my period"

"No one needs or wants to know this"

I disagree. I feel that information is important as it shows hows shes feeling e g emotional and sensitive. Its healthy for women to express themselves. Periods should not be a taboo subject.

Anyway I don't think you should say anything to mil. You can pay for childcare or keep them at pils. My father is the same as your mil. My kids don't particularly like sweets and get annoyed when he keeps passing them too much junk food. He will often send them home with a bag full of fruit shoots, crisps, sweets and chocolate/pack of biscuits!!!

Pay for childcare then, but they don't always do what you want them to do in an institutional setting or a childminders home.

If this is all a result of your hormones I suggest you visit your gp.

@ImMoana Thank you, but dd scoffs them before I get a chance then off occasion I do get to intervene dd cries n cries them mil and Fil give me the “ look“

MIL is doing you both a massive favour. I wouldn't want to childmind grandchildren 3 days a week, so I think you need to appreciate her a lot more. I think in the grand scheme of things the sweets are a minor irritation, you just need to take the sweets and put them away. Is your DH paying half of the childcare costs for nursery days? It sounds as though its all coming out of your wage.

When your child is age 3 you will have 30hrs free childcare so hopefully this is just a short term issue.

@Verity35

I fully understand your situation. Your DD 6 is at school now so your MIL provides free child care just for you younger child. You are not happy with the FREE CHILDCARE your mil provides for your little one but you are also not willing/able to pay for anyone else to provide it instead of her.

You are accepting a free favour and then getting cross it’s not how you want it to be. FWIW my DM is the same (unhealthy) but because I’m not a massive choosy beggar I’m still grateful for the free childcare and just throw in the odd ‘let’s try to be healthier please’ every so often.

Accepting free stuff = lack of control.

Also people are giving you valid opinions and you appear to have serious anger issues and a crap attitude

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe you don’t know her. Trust me she would have him 5 days a week if she could. I changed my username but my previous one if I used u would get it. She thinks my kids are hers and I was just the incubator - not joking! Just putting him in nursery for 2 days caused enough fights and she cried. You might remember me posting about her when dd was born - she would walk in with spare key and take her out of cot! She tried to walk out during my delivery, has to be escorted out by midwife!

Take the sweets off her and give at a later date.

It's just common sense and basic parenting.

Smile sweetly and thank mil whilst doing so.

I would take the treats, keep them in a pot at home and distribute as and when I see fit. I do this with an old lady who we see at the park who randomly gives my kids choc etc.

I would be grateful for 3 Days of childcare.

Crossed post. Perhaps prime your DD. She's old enough to understand she can't just scoff sweets whenever she wants. Tell her you're putting a special box or backpack in the car and 'if she's good' and doesn't make a fuss about the sweets she can have one after her tea. If she acts up she gets nothing.

I really don't see your problem. You are the parent, take the sweets for later, don't let your dd eat them before tea.
Teach her the importance of healthy eating and she'll be telling mil before long.
If she's at school she's not too young to start learning this in age appropriate ways.

Thank u for suggestions. I got what I wanted. It’s not good for my mental health to keep reading this.

I think some people on here are giving you a hard time OP. I can see it’s a hard situation. Could you get your DH involved?

I would be having a serious discussion about this, and what all that sugar is doing to your dd’s body.

I don’t understand why you want people you “really hate” to look after your child.

You are weird, why send your child if she is that bad, you are either making it up or if it's all true, mad for sending your child to save money.