Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my husband at our baby scan?!!

308 replies

MrsBonnie · 20/10/2020 21:33

I have our first scan on Monday and have to go it alone... I'm so worked up worrying about getting bad news and having to hear it on my own.

You can do SO many things with other people, yet I can't go into a baby scan, both wearing masks, with my husband?!!

Am I being unreasonable to whinge about this?

OP posts:
seventhrow · 20/10/2020 21:35

Women have been whinging about this since April. It’s an issue. I’m 37 weeks pregnant and my husband has not been able to come to any of my scans.

LavaCake · 20/10/2020 21:52

YANBU. It’s really shit. My husband wasn’t at my 12 week scan and I was nearly sick with the anxiety of imagine that something bad might happen and I would have to hear the news on my own and then go and tell him.

I’m sure everything will be fine for you Flowers but YANBU to be upset about it, it’s a really shit situation.

Grapefruitcauliflower · 20/10/2020 21:53

YANBU at all OP. People are allowed to go to the pub, go hunting, etc, offices and universities are open, yet pregnant women can’t have their birth partners with them because there’s no economic benefit to allowing this (and because the government couldn’t care less about women’s rights, of course). It’s a disgrace. I get that they want as few people in hospitals as possible, but if they really gave a shiny shit about people’s health, hospitals not being overwhelmed etc, they’d have handled this whole thing very bloody differently.
Good luck with your pregnancy Flowers

Leodot · 20/10/2020 21:56

@MrsBonnie @seventhrow Where are you both in the country? My husband came to my 12 week scan in September and I’m hoping he can come to my 20 week scan in 2 weeks. I haven’t been told he can’t. He had to sit in the car for my 12 week scan and was only allowed in the hospital when I had the actual scan then had to leave immediately after while I had blood tests etc.

YANBU at all. It’s unfair that pregnant women are having to go through it alone, especially if there is a chance of bad news. I think ante-natal care has been awful during the pandemic.

Halliehallie9828 · 20/10/2020 22:00

What other things are you referring to?

Going to the pub etc is a bit different to going into a hospital...

elliejjtiny · 20/10/2020 22:01

Yanbu. My youngest is 6 so it's been a while since I've been pregnant but I've been thinking about how I would have coped if I'd been pregnant and having babies now. Not well I would imagine. It's awful that people can go to the pub but women can't bring someone to a hospital appointment or scan.

seventhrow · 20/10/2020 22:02

Hi @leodot the rules have recently changed. My 12 week scan was at the height of lockdown and the 20 week in June before things started loosening up. My hospital is now letting partners in for 12 and 20 week scans but we missed out.

OP Ive heard of women having their partner in the car or waiting outside for the 12 week scans and then if something is up then the partner can come in for support. I think it changes trust to trust but might be worth asking about. Nice to know he’s not so far away. Wishing you the very best for your pregnancy x

Greenhairbrush · 20/10/2020 22:04

Yanbu but It’s just the way it is. Dh has not been to any of my scans or appointments. Ultimately though, they are medical appointments and providing pregnant woman are still being seen then I’m happy.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 20/10/2020 22:07

I think the advice has changed and partners can come to the 20 week scan. My husband and I did a private scan at 14 weeks so he could see the baby.

Leodot · 20/10/2020 22:08

@seventhrow Yeah of course, sorry, my maths wasn’t very good when I was trying to work out which month your scans would have been! Good luck for your last few weeks and wishing you a safe birth! ❤️

Sexnotgender · 20/10/2020 22:10

Have you phoned them? My letter said no partners but when I phoned I was told it’s an old letter template and partners were allowed.

Sirzy · 20/10/2020 22:10

It’s rubbish but lots of people are having to face hospital appointments alone. They are trying to keep numbers in the hospitals at a minimum to try to protect the vulnerable who are in there.

Milkshake7489 · 20/10/2020 22:16

YANBU op, I had a panic attack in the toilet waiting for my 12 week scan.

Do check with your hospital though, many are now allowing partners to attend scans.

Dollywilde · 20/10/2020 22:20

Yanbu. I had DD in August, DH was allowed at the 12 week in Feb but not anything subsequently. A good friend found out she’d had an MMC alone at her 12 week in June and it was horrendous.

I’m a hearty defender of all the rules and have abided by everything but I never could understand why my husband couldn’t be in the room when I went for the anomalies scan. I figured, given we shared a bed, if he wore PPE and stayed 2m from the sonographer then the benefit (emotional support to me during a scan which is for anomalies not sex as Mn likes to remind people) well outweighed the risks.

Airyfairymarybeary · 20/10/2020 22:24

Yabu. If it’s a 12 week scan then surely you’d have realised there’s a pandemic going on?! It’s not the hospitals fault.
It’s shit but if it was going to be an issue then you should have waited.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 20/10/2020 22:27

YANBU.

Why is it ALWAYS women that expected to be beaten with the shitty end of the stick?

Matilda15 · 20/10/2020 22:29

YANBU. I’m 34 weeks pregnant and have had to attend everything alone. Having your husband at a private scan is an option now though. At the start of my pregnancy even that wasn’t allowed although we managed to have one later on in the pregnancy so DP could attend.

We are currently hoping our local hospital stops dragging their feet on birth partner restrictions, as things stand currently I will be alone until 4cm dilated and then DP will have to leave after an hour if I can’t go straight home.

It’s a rubbish time to be pregnant and I hope restrictions are lifted soon in your area for you.

Matilda15 · 20/10/2020 22:30

Sorry that should read an hour after the birth if I can’t go straight home.

mercutio12 · 20/10/2020 22:31

YABU. You decided to have a baby during a pandemic, when you conceived the rules were the same about this so you can't moan.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 20/10/2020 22:32

@mercutio12

YABU. You decided to have a baby during a pandemic, when you conceived the rules were the same about this so you can't moan.
FFS there's always one.
AntiHop · 20/10/2020 22:32

@Sexnotgender

Have you phoned them? My letter said no partners but when I phoned I was told it’s an old letter template and partners were allowed.
This exactly happened to me too. Had the scan in sept and DH was with me, despite the letter saying come alone.
TammySwansonTwo · 20/10/2020 22:32

You are definitely not being unreasonable To want him there. Of course you do, it’s awful having to go through this alone.

However, I work in this part of the NHS and I’ve sat in on a lot of meetings about the restrictions. The units are desperate to relax them, they hate this too, but where they are still in place it’s because it’s really not safe. Each unit has different issues and with scans it’s usually small rooms with no ventilation etc. There have been regular in depth risk assessments at trust level, and restrictions have been reduced where they can be.

You can’t liken it to going to the pub for several reasons: you can choose whether to go to the pub, and more importantly leave if you’re not comfortable. That’s not possible with medical care, particularly for important testing or in maternity wards. If all the staff in a pub come down with COVID, they can close the pub for a few weeks - if the staff in a maternity unit catch it, they can’t provide maternity care. They are already understaffed due to staff having symptoms, testing positive, self isolating, too vulnerable to work etc. Some services are on a knife edge already.

They have to keep the risk down as much as they can, and it absolutely sucks and I wish it weren’t the case. But there have been cases in maternity units, even with the restrictions as tough as they are.

Each LMS have different guidelines at the moment mainly due to the set up of their facilities. Some are allowing partners to the 12 week scan but no others, some to 20 week scan, some to both and some to none at all.

All I can say is that there are lot of people working really hard to try to resolve this safely. I fear though that with things going as they are, any relaxation of restrictions will stop soon in many trusts. It’s awful.

Bringonspring · 20/10/2020 22:35

YANBU I think it’s utterly outrageous. Personally I would take my husband and wait to be challenged.

Jojobar · 20/10/2020 22:35

Unless you have some reason to be concerned about the pregnancy, I mean this kindly but it's not that big a deal if you have to go on your own. It's nearly 20 years since I had my DC admittedly, but back then (unless there were concerns) father's weren't at scans as a matter of course, I know my then partner didn't come to mine because he couldn't afford the time off. That's how it was. Some women had a partner or parent with them, others were on their own. We just got on with it because it didn't occur to us that we needed someone there.

In the current climate I think there are worse things happening than women having to attend what is in most cases a completely routine scan alone.

mercutio12 · 20/10/2020 22:36

GlummyMcGlummerson What? It's like me getting a job in Tesco and then moaning that I have to wear a mask to work. It's a very entitled attitude.

Swipe left for the next trending thread