To want my husband at our baby scan?!!

[MrsBonnie]

I have our first scan on Monday and have to go it alone... I'm so worked up worrying about getting bad news and having to hear it on my own.

You can do SO many things with other people, yet I can't go into a baby scan, both wearing masks, with my husband?!!

Am I being unreasonable to whinge about this?

It's shit but it's for a reason and is not the same as the pub. I had mine last week and spoke to a nurse friend before hand which really gave me the bigger picture.
I was extremely anxious after a mc and was scared to be in there alone. We went for an early scan at a private clinic a few days before so hb could be there. Really made me feel better. £70 which was a price I was willing to pay and I don't want to put any hospital staff/other vulnerable patients at risk.
Is that something you could do?

It’s unfortunate, but surely if you choose to have a baby in the middle of a global pandemic, you have to accept that there will be some adjustments in hospitals?

Where are you? I’m in London and they let my husband come to the 12 week and 20 week scan (my 12 week was back in August - they had just lifted the restriction

So i thought they had stopped this rule now - but maybe just in some hospitals?

It’s shocking really to have to go alone - as if the worry and anxiety of the scan isn’t bad enough already

I am sorry - hopefully it will have lifted by your second scan x

Yep it’s annoying, 40 weeks today and no scans for my partner either!

12 and 20 are back on for partners, but he couldn’t come to my growth scan this week - why not when there are other men attending I don’t know!

@Bringonspring

YANBU I think it’s utterly outrageous. Personally I would take my husband and wait to be challenged.

For all the reasons I’ve listed, please don’t encourage people to do this. Aside from the fact that your partner would not be allowed into the scan, therefore increasing their and everyone else’s risk for no reason, we really need to make sure maternity services can still run. If we literally almost double the number of people attending scan departments, the risk is significantly increased. Even if you live together, it doesn’t necessarily follow that either neither of you have it or you both do.

It’s a bloody horrible situation, but this won’t do anything at all.

YANBU
It's a postcode lottery as some hospitals are allowing partners and others aren't. That's not particularly fair either.
There's a campaign about it - Google "But Not Maternity" (or #butnotmaternity) - petitions you can sign and template letters you can send to the hospital, your local MP, etc.

Antenatal care has generally been poor, but I can’t disagree with this decision.

Yes it is so hard to be told the baby has died when you're alone but you will get through it if it happens. They let my other half in from the car park to talk options when I got the bad news. Many trusts just won't risk staff exposure from your partner at this precarious time. It can't be compared to the pub. We don't need a barman like we need NHS staff at work.

YANBU to be disappointed and nervous, but I've voted YABU. Hospitals need the most protection and strictest guidelines for obvious reasons. I had a baby over the summer, so my third trimester was lockdown so I get it. But we've also had two relatives diagnosed with cancer this year and another likely about to come, and they've had to attend big appointments alone, go for treatments alone, have no visitors when inpatients for much longer than the typical childbearing woman. It sucks, but they need hospitals to be safe.

Also, it's not just about the room and the risk to the sonographer. We could hardly distance in the waiting room at my maternity unit with no partners. Doubling the numbers by allowing partners attend would've made it frankly dangerous (and I'm pretty relaxed about being out and about).

So yeah. It sucks but it's necessary.

@NameChange30

YANBU It's a postcode lottery as some hospitals are allowing partners and others aren't. That's not particularly fair either. There's a campaign about it - Google "But Not Maternity" (or #butnotmaternity) - petitions you can sign and template letters you can send to the hospital, your local MP, etc.

I don't get this. I've seen a lot of it on Facebook groups I'm in, but I don't think maternity services are being treated any more harshly than other services?

Iamsorryyes I hope you're doing ok, I had a MMC this time last year and it's miserable.

It’s only a postcode lottery insofar as it depends on what setup your local unit has. If your unit has multiple entrances and exits, larger scan rooms with ventilation, they are more likely to be able to accommodate partners safely and more likely to have relaxed those restrictions. If your postnatal ward is mainly single rooms then partners can safely stay. If it’s all cramped bays that don’t allow distancing then they can’t. It’s not just that some trusts want to keep the restrictions - staff are facing a lot of hostility, including management who are inundated with complaints daily. They want to change things. It may not be fair, but not all units are the same. What’s safe for one isn’t for another. But Not Maternity makes a lot of false equivalencies - going for a scan to ensure your baby is well is not like going to IKEA.

It’s unfortunate, but surely if you choose to have a baby in the middle of a global pandemic, you have to accept that there will be some adjustments in hospitals?

Only about half of pregnancies are planned. Some people are trying to conceive following a loss, some are getting older and can’t wait indefinitely to get pregnant, etc. This is not helpful in the least.

Book a private scan, you can have your husband at that one.

Only about half of pregnancies are planned

Where did I say anything about whether the OP’s pregnancy was planned or otherwise? I said “if you choose to have a baby” which is nothing to do with how a pregnancy occurred.

Also, where are you getting your statistic that half of all pregnancies are unplanned?

@GlummyMcGlummerson

YANBU.

Why is it ALWAYS women that expected to be beaten with the shitty end of the stick?

It’s not just women. It’s not only those in maternity care who are having to go alone to appointments (if they can even get them) it’s those in oncology, cardiac etc etc.

Everyone going into hospitals at the moment is having to follow the rules. It’s shit but we need to protect the vulnerable people in the hospitals.

"I don't think maternity services are being treated any more harshly than other services?"

So it's a race to the bottom now?
I don't think other health services should have been restricted so much, either.
People don't stop dying of other things just because of stupid covid.
Not allowing people to visit dying loved ones is completely inhumane.
But it's not an argument against this campaign.
Otherwise you're just doing the classic thing of dismissing a feminist cause by saying "what about anything/everything else".

Yanbu to want someone there but I genuinely believe this is not a decision that has been taken lightly. As a previous poster explained, these rooms are very small and not well ventilated and by exposing the sonographer to more people that exposes their risk of contracting covid. Fewer sonographers working then increases the risk for pregnant women when scans get delayed, rushed or missed complelty. It could be possible to connect to the hospital wifi and have someone there on WhatsApp/messenger maybe. Its a horrible time it really is and I say that as someone who spent a week in the maternity ward on my own with no visitors this summer.

My DH couldn't come to any of my scans due to work commitments, way before Covid. Even though that included the one where I was told I had had a missed miscarriage, I don't think this is the worst aspect of Covid, to be honest.

Arguably women aren’t being treated with the shitty end of the stick by not having their partners there. I’m personally more comfortable with that decision as someone in trimester 3.

Otherwise you're just doing the classic thing of dismissing a feminist cause by saying "what about anything/everything else".

No, I think the campaign is ridiculous by saying going to the pub and hospital care are equivalent. A campaign about hospital or healthcare in general I would support, I agree with you about too many services being cut, on the back of a decade of budget cuts.

But maternity care isn't special in all this and I think a lot of discussion around this topic ignores that.

We just had a private scan a few days before the NHS 12 week one.
Youccould take one person from the same household, and they had bigger rooms than in the hospital so easier to distance.
Also as @TammySwansonTwo says, a maternity unit can't just close when the staff are off, whereas a private scan place can afford to take that risk (they're not really essential).

@TammySwansonTwo

You are definitely not being unreasonable To want him there. Of course you do, it’s awful having to go through this alone.

However, I work in this part of the NHS and I’ve sat in on a lot of meetings about the restrictions. The units are desperate to relax them, they hate this too, but where they are still in place it’s because it’s really not safe. Each unit has different issues and with scans it’s usually small rooms with no ventilation etc. There have been regular in depth risk assessments at trust level, and restrictions have been reduced where they can be.

You can’t liken it to going to the pub for several reasons: you can choose whether to go to the pub, and more importantly leave if you’re not comfortable. That’s not possible with medical care, particularly for important testing or in maternity wards. If all the staff in a pub come down with COVID, they can close the pub for a few weeks - if the staff in a maternity unit catch it, they can’t provide maternity care. They are already understaffed due to staff having symptoms, testing positive, self isolating, too vulnerable to work etc. Some services are on a knife edge already.

They have to keep the risk down as much as they can, and it absolutely sucks and I wish it weren’t the case. But there have been cases in maternity units, even with the restrictions as tough as they are.

Each LMS have different guidelines at the moment mainly due to the set up of their facilities. Some are allowing partners to the 12 week scan but no others, some to 20 week scan, some to both and some to none at all.

All I can say is that there are lot of people working really hard to try to resolve this safely. I fear though that with things going as they are, any relaxation of restrictions will stop soon in many trusts. It’s awful.

Excellent post @TammySwansonTwo explaining the situation very clearly.

Like many things it is just a total postcode lottery as to what rules are being enforced where in healthcare. Of all the sectors you'd have thought that this one would be able to adopt a consistent approach.

I went to all mine alone before covid, back then I was getting funny looks as to say couldn't your husband bother coming, but in the waiting room people go in with the husband, a parent, 2 toddlers etc so imagine the whole waiting room being full of extra people they don't need to be there. Private scans are allowing this though in some areas. Must be great now, on labour wards no partners allowed to stop overnight. Can't understand being on a ward with 3 women, their babies and the partners sleeping on the floor???

@earringsandlipstick if both people attending are in the same bubble, what exactly is the increased risk?

[quote Hopoindown31]@earringsandlipstick if both people attending are in the same bubble, what exactly is the increased risk?[/quote]
Aside from the fact that one may be infectious and the other not, it makes distancing much harder if the numbers attending double. Not just in the scan room, but waiting areas etc.