AIBU to tell someone to fuck off in Waitrose ( warning, may contain masks)

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

Is it me? Why are people so fucking rude in Waitrose? I live near three supermarkets, Lidl, Asda and Waitrose and this never happens in Lidl or Asda (or when I'm with DH funnily enough )

I have a lung condition, and sometimes cough - I try not to, I wear a mask, I am discreet, I cough into my elbow. I genuinely do understand the sound of a cough can be alarming these days and if someone looks nervous (especially elderly people) I will explain it and say I don't have CV...this is fine, I understand.

But why do people feel the need to be fucking rude and make direct comments or tut give me disgusted looks? It's happened before and just yesterday I had to remove my mask and use my inhaler (I actually sanitise my hands and put a new mask on) Why the fuck would someone give me a dirty look and tut (and I didn't imagine it)?!

So my question is, what is an acceptable response to people doing this or worse, questioning me in a rude manner, because I am that close to just saying fuck off, quite honestly. The only reason I didn't say this to the last person (who asked me if I should be leaving the house ) was because they had a child with them.

I always have a severe case of esprit de l'escalier afterwards (eg I could have answered rude woman with yes, and should your child be in school with an equally judgy look )

It's getting to the point where I am nervous about going out because I it's actually quite upsetting. Would I BU to say fuck off? (DH thinks this is acceptable and I should also add "you cunt" but I don't think I could bring myself to say cunt in Waitrose...)

To be honest I am shocked that folks suggest you wear a card. I mean WTF, most folks are following the rules. Some people have underlying health conditions that means they cough. My DH shouldnt have to tell people he has lung cancer to stop there comments. People should mind there own business. You have no idea what the individual is suffering from. Highly likely not to be COVID. So perhaps focus your energy on those who break the rules consistently, still see there family and let there DC go to school with symptoms. Not those walking in a shop wearing a mask and coughing once. Rememebr covid isnt just a cough, it has to be a new continuous cough. Not someone coughing once to clear there chest....

@picosandsancerre the point is OP annoyed right now because she didn’t address the issue with the person who tutted at her. Much better to speak up then, you will be much less annoyed at home.

Yes tell them to fuck right off.

To be honest I am shocked that folks suggest you wear a card.

Yeah I agree. I’m really uncomfortable with the idea that people with health conditions should have to wear a badge or card advertising their condition just in order to stop other people harassing them. The GDPR says health data is special category personal data that should only be processed in a limited number of circumstances because it merits special protection. Forcing people to reveal it to avoid bullying doesn’t feel consistent with that protection to me.

Ok so I should stop giving out aggressive vibes, smile more, be prepared to give people a card containing my medical info, be prepared to wear a lanyard to show my medical info, be more apologetic and also understand I owe people explanations.

Or perhaps people could just leave me the fuck alone to shop in peace and not question me or feel entitled to demand explanations?

I am clearly an grown adult, I am capable of shopping alone, I am wearing a mask unless I have to remove it in which case I have obvious breathing issues or am using an inhaler. I am a fucking grown up middle aged woman that just wants to buy croissants or nice juice for my neighbours.

Why on earth do people think it is their business to judge me or stop me or question me or feel entitled to ask me for explanations?

It is seriously seriously putting me off going out, seriously. And I am a woman who is well used to being judged and capable of dismissing this usually. I am also well used to the barriers disability puts up for you and how things go to shit and make your everyday life harder. But this is different. It's unfair and it's upsetting. It's intrusive, it's fucking rude and it's upsetting me and I want people to stop.

I feel I should stamp my feet after all that! But seriously perhaps people can at least understand why I'm at the point of telling the next person to fuck off?

I don't shop in Waitrose, I have been in a few times mainly on holiday when it happened to be the nearest shop, I've never got the love for Waitrose, maybe I'm unlucky with the branches I've tried but its nothing special is it.

I shop in my local Lidl and Sainsburys (well having shopping delivered at the moment so usually just a quick dash for fresh bread) and I've never experienced anyone unpleasant so I suppose my advice has to be avoid Waitrose and their judgmental customers.

Honestly tell them to F off. Why on earth should you have to explain. They are being rude and judgmental in the first place.

I love Waitrose though

Also, funnily enough, this has never once happened when DH is with me Well it's not funnily enough is it really as no one is going to question a 6'6" heavily tattooed man with a fuck off face on the state of his health or openly tut at him, are they. They would know they run the risk of being told to fuck off and are scared of it, but I'm fair fucking game. (The final irony is that DH would absolutely never tell a woman to fuck off).

It's also (I'm giving this some serious thought today as you can tell) the implications I dislike. And they're openly stated on this thread, not just implicated. That people think I may be coughing due to CV and yet deliberately, or carelessly, going to the shops and risking infecting others. So I'm either a heartless stupid selfish fuckwit or an ignorant careless fuckwit.

Seriously, why doesn't someone come up to me and say "I heard you coughing, are you an ignorant careless selfish fuckwit? Tell me about your health so I can judge whether you are a selfish fuckwit or you have a good excuse/reason to be out in public". Because that's what it is.

God if people really feel I owe them an explanation, perhaps if they started with "are you OK?" they wouldn't run the risk of being told to fuck off. I would gladly explain to them and have a moment of solidarity in a shit time, and recommend almond croissants.

Also, my neighbours love Waitrose. I don't want to deny them their small pleasures because I lose my shit in Waitrose.

Funnily enough the usual doorman (it would be a security guard anywhere else but Waitrose but here he wears a suit and offers umbrellas ) is kind and lovely, and if there is a queue he will signal me to come to the front (I kind of understand the dagger looks and tuts here the occasional person makes, though I have an obvious physical disability (not lung related) as queuing is fucking annoying for everyone.

I think your dh is rude to suggest you say 'you cunt'.

I think you've judged it just right with a straight 'fuck off'.

Maybe they'll think twice before openly judging and commenting on someone's disability.

Likewise anyone suggesting you apologise your way round waitrose or identify yourself with a badge.

Was in a Waitrose this morning and was at the end of the till while my partner up front paying for the shopping. They had a system where you waited at the head of a queue and were told which till to go to.

A member of staff told me to move further up as a customer was passing behind me. I was at least 1mtr plus away from the customer, had my mask on and had my back to him, surprisingly I had been able to wander up and down the aisles passing peoples with impunity before then.

If the store has rules then at least be consistent with customer safety.

" I will explain it and say I don't have CV..."

How can you be sure you don't have CV? If you've just had a test result back it just tells you that you tested negative at the time of the test . You may be confident that you haven't been exposed, but occasionally people who have tested positive feel the same.

Just because you have a cough for another reason it doesn't mean you don't also happen to have Covid, and if you do, you will be more likely to spread it if you cough (or shout, or sing).

That said, if you have a cough, you still have to live your life, so why not just do that. Ignore 'looks', 'tuts' and even direct comments. We're all doing our best not to spread this wretched virus and some of us have particular struggles, as you do. Don't engage. It's none of their business.

And yes, YWBU to swear at people. I'm sympathetic to your situation but you don't know what's going on in their lives. Just because they ABU, you don't need to join in and add to the world's unreasonableness.