AIBU to tell someone to fuck off in Waitrose ( warning, may contain masks)

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

Is it me? Why are people so fucking rude in Waitrose? I live near three supermarkets, Lidl, Asda and Waitrose and this never happens in Lidl or Asda (or when I'm with DH funnily enough )

I have a lung condition, and sometimes cough - I try not to, I wear a mask, I am discreet, I cough into my elbow. I genuinely do understand the sound of a cough can be alarming these days and if someone looks nervous (especially elderly people) I will explain it and say I don't have CV...this is fine, I understand.

But why do people feel the need to be fucking rude and make direct comments or tut give me disgusted looks? It's happened before and just yesterday I had to remove my mask and use my inhaler (I actually sanitise my hands and put a new mask on) Why the fuck would someone give me a dirty look and tut (and I didn't imagine it)?!

So my question is, what is an acceptable response to people doing this or worse, questioning me in a rude manner, because I am that close to just saying fuck off, quite honestly. The only reason I didn't say this to the last person (who asked me if I should be leaving the house ) was because they had a child with them.

I always have a severe case of esprit de l'escalier afterwards (eg I could have answered rude woman with yes, and should your child be in school with an equally judgy look )

It's getting to the point where I am nervous about going out because I it's actually quite upsetting. Would I BU to say fuck off? (DH thinks this is acceptable and I should also add "you cunt" but I don't think I could bring myself to say cunt in Waitrose...)

Of course YANBU. I always have a tickle in my throat especially when I first come in from the cold. The more I try not to cough the worse it gets. I think it's best to say specifically 'It's asthma' if people give you funny looks.

@ravenmum

Given OP has a lung condition and knows she has no symptoms of Covid, then she can say with some authority that she has a lung disease, not Covid. Of course she can't. If OP ever catches Covid (pardon, OP; please don't!) then there could well be an initial stage at which she has Covid but has not yet developed bad enough additional symptoms for that to be clear.

Ravenmum, I trust that you have been at home since March and haven’t stepped out the house? I mean you could have Covid at anytime and not know it so why take the risk of spreading the virus right?

Totally get why you're pissed off about this, and regularly feel like elbowing people in the face for this kind of behaviour.

BUT

The best way of responding is to pretend you haven't heard them. They're trying to passively assert their superiority over you... Alas, their power is so weak that they can't even turn your head. For a tutter, this is by far the most frustrating response.

(AKA 'Walk round Waitrose like you own it')

YNBU Op!! You can't win - don't wear a mask and people won't like it, wear a mask and people still don't like it!! Should not have to tell people your medical history to a stranger!!
I would definitely make sure I coughed in their direction more with a massive smile on my face if I was getting tuts and questioned!

I feel your pain a little. My toddler is unfortunately probably on the way to a diagnosis of asthma and his coughs do linger. If I waited for him not to cough, we'd never leave the house. People give him evil stares even though he's learnt to cough into his elbow bless him. He always beams back and shouts "MORNING!!!!!" Because he doesn't give a shit.

Channel your inner toddler!

Ravenmum, I trust that you have been at home since March and haven’t stepped out the house? I mean you could have Covid at anytime and not know it so why take the risk of spreading the virus right?
I commented that saying "I don't have Covid" was a bad idea. Not that OP should stay indoors. If you want to talk about me, then no, I don't go round saying "I don't have Covid" if I cough, as if I did, I would expect other people to look at me like and wonder if I knew how Covid was spread.

I feel for you. I literally feel as though I have to suppress my cough.
I have found that the fabric masks play havoc with my asthma (since discovered I am okay with the disposable ones). I literally can't breathe through the fabric ones.

@picosandsancerre I hope your DH is doing OK now? It's bad that he had to put up with peoples ignorance and rudeness along with everything else

For the uninitiated, I can confirm that the almond croissants are delicious. They also do a bear claw(?) pastry thing and a cherry one too. (I may have put some serious research into this topic)
Melted marmalade you say? I wonder if Nutella would work?

Thank god no one has suggested "did you mean to be so rude?" (I never understood why this was a good thing to say  And I'm not a fan of passive aggression, although props to you chocolatewombat for "Expand your vocabulary so you can express how you feel without being rude or aggressive" as you are clearly a master of passive aggressive comments  well done

Ravenmum I really think you are over analysing the comment "I have lung disease not coronavirus". What would you have me say, "I have lung disease not coronavirus although I want to make it clear I do know that I might actually have it as you don't always show symptoms yet can still be infectious"? Because I don't think that's going to make anyone involved in the conversation feel better...

@Bowerbird5 you made me laugh- no problems other than an impatient shopper said “excuse me” to get to the pasta. 😂 don’t know why it made me laugh so much!

On a more serious note, OP does not need to smile, apologise, explain, look apologetic etc. Fuck that. We are always being told do do this as women. Would a man be expected to do that?

OP I think freezing glare and a loud ‘yes?’ may suitably terrify the idiotic tutters. Breaking that social wall terrifies us as a nation 😂. Or enjoy your croissant and the fact that you are a happier person than a tutter.

You'll be losing any moral superiority if you curse at them. Far more effective to maintain dignity by calmly and coldly informing them that you have a lung condition that makes you cough and that it's not Covid. Most will probably feel ashamed of themselves, whether or not they apologise or look embarrassed.

@ravenmum

Ravenmum, I trust that you have been at home since March and haven’t stepped out the house? I mean you could have Covid at anytime and not know it so why take the risk of spreading the virus right? I commented that saying "I don't have Covid" was a bad idea. Not that OP should stay indoors. If you want to talk about me, then no, I don't go round saying "I don't have Covid" if I cough, as if I did, I would expect other people to look at me like and wonder if I knew how Covid was spread.

There is nothing wrong with saying ‘I don’t have corona’ when people look at you funny for coughing, ravenmum. Are you this pedantic in real life? 😂

and wonder if I knew how Covid was spread.

Ravenmum Covid can spread through coughing though

Oh, the cherry ones are so delicious!

@cologne4711 at our Waitrose they come in a pack of two, with brown cardboard tray, and are located with the pain au Chocolat , croissants, and lemon Danish on the bakery aisle. They are divine! I have to ration myself to one a month, but with a good strong coffee on a Saturday morning, that is my treat.

@Mustbe3ormorecharacters
Spread marmalade on them? Sacrilege! And they are so sweet already...

OP it is good of you to even wear a mask in the first place with those conditions as people arent wearing them for alot less!

@raaaasss old farts. Please stop with the ageism. I’m so sick of it on here. There are young farts too! We all age - if we’re lucky- and it does not change us into an amorphous tutting grey cloud at a certain random number 😉

@UnRavellingFast I totally agree that as women we are socialised to be apologetic. I have tried to instill in my DDs that they shouldn't start a sentence with "I'm sorry but" unless they are actually making an apology for something they have actually done wrong.

I also think that when women stand up for ourselves we are judged as rude, whereas a man in the exact same situation would just be being assertive. (Perhaps a woman might also sound bossy as well as rude).

(I don't mean saying fuck off, that would be rude).

What would you have me say, "I have lung disease not coronavirus although I want to make it clear I do know that I might actually have it as you don't always show symptoms yet can still be infectious
Just say "I have lung disease". I thought my point was pretty clear when I first made it, and would need no further explanation. Clearly not.

On a more serious note, OP does not need to smile, apologise, explain, look apologetic etc. Fuck that. We are always being told do do this as women. Would a man be expected to do that?

Yes he would. It’s simply good manners.

@ravenmum

What would you have me say, "I have lung disease not coronavirus although I want to make it clear I do know that I might actually have it as you don't always show symptoms yet can still be infectious Just say "I have lung disease". I thought my point was pretty clear when I first made it, and would need no further explanation. Clearly not.

But OP did say she would explain it (I.e. that she has lung disease). OP was clear, you were not.

@Cadent

and wonder if I knew how Covid was spread.

Ravenmum Covid can spread through coughing though

OK, one last time, then I give up.

OP coughs.

• Bob tuts because he thinks she has a Covid symptom and should stay at home.

OP says "I have lung disease"

• Bob thinks "Oh, OK, then maybe it's that" and stops tutting.

OP then adds "I don't have Covid"

• Bob thinks "This lady does not know about asymptomatic Covid. Poorly informed people like her are more likely to catch it"

I was on holiday this year at a campsite, and a woman there had multiple Covid symptoms. She was happily saying that she had a really bad throat, a cough, a temperature, aches and pains etc., and I was becoming more and more aware of the precise distance between the two of us. I said that it sounded like Covid, and she replied ... guess what? "Oh no, I don't have Covid." She hadn't been tested; she just didn't think she had it.

So to me, coming from a stranger, that comment makes me think I should watch out that they are not going to do somethiing funny like hug me, etc.

@UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle

Excellent, I'm glad I am not BU

I'm (in a terribly snobby sort of way) quite surprised that it seems to happen in Waitrose and nowhere else. In fairness in appearance I don't usually fit the expected "demographic" of Waitrose (although ironically my piercings and tattoos are covered by a mask and winter clothes!) and I have half my hair shaved but I do very much sound like a Waitrose shopper if I speak or say fuck off.

I’d be more worried about my prejudices than my cough if I was you.

@ravenmum

We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this one! I don’t give anyone a dirty look if they cough, although I do edge away as unobtrusively as possible. If they caught me edging away and said ‘I have lung disease not Covid’ I would in no way think that person was ill informed because I would assume they know to their best possible knowledge that they don’t think they have Covid at that time.

[quote Cadent]@ravenmum

We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this one! I don’t give anyone a dirty look if they cough, although I do edge away as unobtrusively as possible. If they caught me edging away and said ‘I have lung disease not Covid’ I would in no way think that person was ill informed because I would assume they know to their best possible knowledge that they don’t think they have Covid at that time.[/quote]
Nobody can declare with any credibility that "to their best possible knowledge they don't have Covid at this time"
I'd assume anyone doing so was a complete imbecile.