AIBU to tell someone to fuck off in Waitrose ( warning, may contain masks)

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

Is it me? Why are people so fucking rude in Waitrose? I live near three supermarkets, Lidl, Asda and Waitrose and this never happens in Lidl or Asda (or when I'm with DH funnily enough )

I have a lung condition, and sometimes cough - I try not to, I wear a mask, I am discreet, I cough into my elbow. I genuinely do understand the sound of a cough can be alarming these days and if someone looks nervous (especially elderly people) I will explain it and say I don't have CV...this is fine, I understand.

But why do people feel the need to be fucking rude and make direct comments or tut give me disgusted looks? It's happened before and just yesterday I had to remove my mask and use my inhaler (I actually sanitise my hands and put a new mask on) Why the fuck would someone give me a dirty look and tut (and I didn't imagine it)?!

So my question is, what is an acceptable response to people doing this or worse, questioning me in a rude manner, because I am that close to just saying fuck off, quite honestly. The only reason I didn't say this to the last person (who asked me if I should be leaving the house ) was because they had a child with them.

I always have a severe case of esprit de l'escalier afterwards (eg I could have answered rude woman with yes, and should your child be in school with an equally judgy look )

It's getting to the point where I am nervous about going out because I it's actually quite upsetting. Would I BU to say fuck off? (DH thinks this is acceptable and I should also add "you cunt" but I don't think I could bring myself to say cunt in Waitrose...)

[amicissimma]

" I will explain it and say I don't have CV..."

How can you be sure you don't have CV? If you've just had a test result back it just tells you that you tested negative at the time of the test . You may be confident that you haven't been exposed, but occasionally people who have tested positive feel the same.

Just because you have a cough for another reason it doesn't mean you don't also happen to have Covid, and if you do, you will be more likely to spread it if you cough (or shout, or sing).

That said, if you have a cough, you still have to live your life, so why not just do that. Ignore 'looks', 'tuts' and even direct comments. We're all doing our best not to spread this wretched virus and some of us have particular struggles, as you do. Don't engage. It's none of their business.

And yes, YWBU to swear at people. I'm sympathetic to your situation but you don't know what's going on in their lives. Just because they ABU, you don't need to join in and add to the world's unreasonableness.

[TheWernethWife]

Was in a Waitrose this morning and was at the end of the till while my partner up front paying for the shopping. They had a system where you waited at the head of a queue and were told which till to go to.

A member of staff told me to move further up as a customer was passing behind me. I was at least 1mtr plus away from the customer, had my mask on and had my back to him, surprisingly I had been able to wander up and down the aisles passing peoples with impunity before then.

If the store has rules then at least be consistent with customer safety.

[GabriellaMontez]

I think your dh is rude to suggest you say 'you cunt'.

I think you've judged it just right with a straight 'fuck off'.

Maybe they'll think twice before openly judging and commenting on someone's disability.

Likewise anyone suggesting you apologise your way round waitrose or identify yourself with a badge.

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

Also, my neighbours love Waitrose. I don't want to deny them their small pleasures because I lose my shit in Waitrose.

Funnily enough the usual doorman (it would be a security guard anywhere else but Waitrose but here he wears a suit and offers umbrellas ) is kind and lovely, and if there is a queue he will signal me to come to the front (I kind of understand the dagger looks and tuts here the occasional person makes, though I have an obvious physical disability (not lung related) as queuing is fucking annoying for everyone.

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

I love Waitrose though

Also, funnily enough, this has never once happened when DH is with me Well it's not funnily enough is it really as no one is going to question a 6'6" heavily tattooed man with a fuck off face on the state of his health or openly tut at him, are they. They would know they run the risk of being told to fuck off and are scared of it, but I'm fair fucking game. (The final irony is that DH would absolutely never tell a woman to fuck off).

It's also (I'm giving this some serious thought today as you can tell) the implications I dislike. And they're openly stated on this thread, not just implicated. That people think I may be coughing due to CV and yet deliberately, or carelessly, going to the shops and risking infecting others. So I'm either a heartless stupid selfish fuckwit or an ignorant careless fuckwit.

Seriously, why doesn't someone come up to me and say "I heard you coughing, are you an ignorant careless selfish fuckwit? Tell me about your health so I can judge whether you are a selfish fuckwit or you have a good excuse/reason to be out in public". Because that's what it is.

God if people really feel I owe them an explanation, perhaps if they started with "are you OK?" they wouldn't run the risk of being told to fuck off. I would gladly explain to them and have a moment of solidarity in a shit time, and recommend almond croissants.

[Rollmopsrule]

Honestly tell them to F off. Why on earth should you have to explain. They are being rude and judgmental in the first place.

[ancientgran]

I don't shop in Waitrose, I have been in a few times mainly on holiday when it happened to be the nearest shop, I've never got the love for Waitrose, maybe I'm unlucky with the branches I've tried but its nothing special is it.

I shop in my local Lidl and Sainsburys (well having shopping delivered at the moment so usually just a quick dash for fresh bread) and I've never experienced anyone unpleasant so I suppose my advice has to be avoid Waitrose and their judgmental customers.

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

I feel I should stamp my feet after all that! But seriously perhaps people can at least understand why I'm at the point of telling the next person to fuck off?

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

Ok so I should stop giving out aggressive vibes, smile more, be prepared to give people a card containing my medical info, be prepared to wear a lanyard to show my medical info, be more apologetic and also understand I owe people explanations.

Or perhaps people could just leave me the fuck alone to shop in peace and not question me or feel entitled to demand explanations?

I am clearly an grown adult, I am capable of shopping alone, I am wearing a mask unless I have to remove it in which case I have obvious breathing issues or am using an inhaler. I am a fucking grown up middle aged woman that just wants to buy croissants or nice juice for my neighbours.

Why on earth do people think it is their business to judge me or stop me or question me or feel entitled to ask me for explanations?

It is seriously seriously putting me off going out, seriously. And I am a woman who is well used to being judged and capable of dismissing this usually. I am also well used to the barriers disability puts up for you and how things go to shit and make your everyday life harder. But this is different. It's unfair and it's upsetting. It's intrusive, it's fucking rude and it's upsetting me and I want people to stop.

[Buddytheelf85]

To be honest I am shocked that folks suggest you wear a card.

Yeah I agree. I’m really uncomfortable with the idea that people with health conditions should have to wear a badge or card advertising their condition just in order to stop other people harassing them. The GDPR says health data is special category personal data that should only be processed in a limited number of circumstances because it merits special protection. Forcing people to reveal it to avoid bullying doesn’t feel consistent with that protection to me.

[Beaverdam100]

Yes tell them to fuck right off.

[Cadent]

@picosandsancerre the point is OP annoyed right now because she didn’t address the issue with the person who tutted at her. Much better to speak up then, you will be much less annoyed at home.

[picosandsancerre]

To be honest I am shocked that folks suggest you wear a card. I mean WTF, most folks are following the rules. Some people have underlying health conditions that means they cough. My DH shouldnt have to tell people he has lung cancer to stop there comments. People should mind there own business. You have no idea what the individual is suffering from. Highly likely not to be COVID. So perhaps focus your energy on those who break the rules consistently, still see there family and let there DC go to school with symptoms. Not those walking in a shop wearing a mask and coughing once. Rememebr covid isnt just a cough, it has to be a new continuous cough. Not someone coughing once to clear there chest....

[Redburnett]

It is understandable that people associate coughing with Covid, so if you cough for other reasons it is reasonable that you explain briefly to people around that you do not have Covid but another condition. Swearing at them is not appropriate.

[Cadent]

Sorry it happened again OP but you had so much advice to speak up and say ‘please don’t be rude, I have a lung disease, not corona‘ etc, why didn’t you feel able to say anything?

[UncouthBehaviourInTheCakeAisle]

Well I'm extra fucked off with the whole thing now, seriously what is with some people?! After this thread yesterday I ironically ended up having to bloody go again last night (not for almond croissants, emergency stuff for elderly neighbour, I didn't really want to go out at all tbh) I just wanted to be in and out, seriously don't think I could have been giving off bad vibes, I was mostly thinking I should really have taken the time to put a bra on and minding my own business. And still some judgy fucker is rude to me by the newspapers, I have absolutely had enough. I really fucking have now.

Do people seriously think I should never leave my house?! Or that I can't make an adult decision whether I am "well enough to leave the house"? Well obviously some people do think this going on an earlier post here but it still surprises me that they feel entitled to come and tell me this in person or question me. Im a fucking middle aged woman, not a toddler running about a shop without an adult that needs checking on.

And the worst thing is (after going on about female socialisation here) all I did was say I'm fine and walk off. I wish i had said all the above to her now (esprit d'escalier again!) At least I didn't apologise. And DH was with me but in a different aisle (of course) and I didn't tell him.

Seriously everyone who thinks other people are nervous and it wouldn't hurt me to apologise or smile or show them a card or whatever, needs to come out with me every single time and see what it's like and how quickly they tire of it. I've just asked my DH to go to the post office for me after work as I'm too fucking nervous to go myself, in case it happens again and I lose my temper or cry or something ridiculous like that. I seriously feel like I'm teetering on the edge.

I don't actually go out specifically for almond croissants, I only go when I have to go to the post office next door. I wouldn't go out atm really unless it was for essentials or for someone else, but it was so nice just to be out after months of shielding and now I don't want to do it. I actually do sound like a child there, I know. Fuck it

[TheNoodlesIncident]

I won't do an apologetic smile as I don't think I have to apologise. As I said in my OP if someone looks nervous I will smile and explain. It's the judging and rudeness that fucks me off.

We can all understand this and don't blame you, but it's easy to forget that some people are arsey when they're nervous and don't come across well. You'd think "well it's as easy to be nice as it is to be nasty" but I do think some people are in a rut of behaviours and don't know it (and perhaps wonder why every one else is such an arse when it's actually them, and their negative attitudes create an atmosphere). From this perspective, maybe a quick explanation for all people who notice you coughing and respond in some way and not just the ones who are noticeably nervous. I do think in the current situation, most people (who react to coughs) are nervous even if it doesn't appear that way.

I don't think you need to be apologetic, it's not your fault after all. Although I blame you for my almond croissant craving now

[cologne4711]

@ravenmum

We wear masks, stay 2m away from other people, avoid flying etc. because we might have Covid, even without symptoms. We go to work or to the shops knowing that we might have it, without being aware of it. Even if you have just got a negative test result back, that only tells you that you didn't have Covid when you took the test.
We can't assume that we don't have it. That would be dangerous.

If you take that attitude, to be consistent, you have to stay at home 100% of the time.

I take the view I don't have it, but I follow the basic rules in case I do (and I don't really do any "risky" activities as I work from home and avoid public transport etc).

If someone has asthma or a chest complaint, any cough is far more likely to be that than covid (or flu).

[UnRavellingFast]

For coughing due to lung disease and using a breathing support? Bollocks.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

I’d apologise for coughing and says it’s down to x. Many are anxious at the moment and for some going out is a big deal currently. I’d never swear at anyone though, I’d find that far worse that a glance or tut.

[bengalcat]

The funniest thing in our local mini Waitrose and the bigger one is that when stuff is reduced the shoppers wait until the employee has put all the goodies on the shelf and then they still ‘queue’ and help themselves in succession one at a time .

[LakieLady]

@Haskell

It wouldn't happen in my Waitrose! I have found shoppers there to be unfailingly patient and kind over the last six months, far more accommodating and understanding than any of the other supermarkets I frequent. I'm going there more often than I usually do because of it!

I'd like to know which half of your head is shaved? Just for completeness before I can decide if YABU

And it's half term in lots of places this week

I wonder if we live in the same place. @Haskell?

My Waitrose is the very model of politeness and decorum. The local Aldi has more pushing and shoving than a rugby scrum and lots of general rudeness; while Tesco is be perfectly civilised if you're able to avoid the busiest times, when it is hellish.

Sainsburys is weird. The two nearest Sainsburys are 10 miles south of where I live and 12 miles north. The southern one is full of rude and arsey shoppers, the northern one is a haven of politeness. The staff in both are very helpful and nice, so it's nothing to do with the staff.

[katy1213]

I'm much happier in Waitrose. Wide aisles, clean baskets (they're filthy in Tesco and Sainsbury's) and polite staff and customers.

[Cadent]

Thank you @PinkSparklyPussyCat !

[gandalf456]

They should do a badge like the one for exemption: not all coughs are Corona.

Think of me - I have had a cough for several weeks and I work in a supermarket