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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Money doesn't make you any happier

285 replies

Iris101 · 17/10/2020 16:04

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 17/10/2020 16:17

I think money makes people happier in general, if they were ever inclined to be happy in the first place. Some people aren’t.

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/10/2020 16:18

Having enough to cover the bills with a little bit left is a recipe for happiness.

There is nothing more miserable than living in a cold house grubbing about for the money to replace broken things.

dontdisturbmenow · 17/10/2020 16:20

I think only those who've experienced both can really tell but I have had quite a few wealthier friends making comments that money definitely doesn't make you happier.

MatildaTheCat · 17/10/2020 16:21

Being very poor is miserable, obviously. Having enough to meet your needs and a little extra is comfortable and thus should be enough to make a person happy. The dissatisfied ones were always going to be miserable, either living a lifestyle that’s stressful to maintain or becoming miserly to retain the money.

In reality I know a good number of very financially wealthy people and they all seem pretty happy. They also, like everyone else have problems, health issues and all the other shit life throws at you.

There’s research on how much money is needed to be happy and it’s quite low, around £30k a year I think.

The real lottery of life is being born glass half full or glass half empty.

maxelly · 17/10/2020 16:21

I think ultimately money, like good health is a prerequisite for happiness, it doesn't necessarily make you happy in itself but if you don't have it, you sure as hell miss it. And I think if you have always been used to having a high income and for some reason it's taken away, that's a lot harder to get used to than always being on a low ish income. But then again, years and years of 'getting by', paying the bills and able to buy food but always having to scrimp and save for treats or to pay for christmas etc can also be very grinding/wearing - I've been there in the past and IMO it's very hard not to get bitter/jealous particularly of people that are only really rich through good fortune or random chance.

Ultimately I think it depends what kind of person you are, some people do seem to have a bit of a gift for happiness if that's a thing, can overcome hardship and find great joy in a very simple life and on the other hand some people are always likely to be discontented no matter how fortunate they are. I think I'm a bit in the middle, I've been very very lucky (and worked hard) and after quite a few years of relative poverty now enjoy a nice lifestyle which enables me to buy/spend money on things which bring me a lot of happiness (especially my horses). If I suddenly lost my job/had to live on minimum wage I would have to honestly say I'd be less happy than I am now, having to give up the horses, sell the house (we live in an fairly expensive area), live further away from my friends and family, all that would be hard for sure. I'd like to think I could still be grateful for what I still had, having a roof over my head and able to buy food etc., and able to live a good life though. But on the converse if I suddenly became a millionaire I don't think I'd be proportionately more happy than I am now, I suppose having some flashy holidays and being able to help family out would be nice but not life alteringly so though which I guess is your point?

BeeFarseer · 17/10/2020 16:22

I'd argue that it's not money that makes someone happy or unhappy, it's their choices.

Having money enables greater freedom of choice, but if you are making poor choices you won't be happy.

ulanbatorismynextstop · 17/10/2020 16:24

I'm on about twice what I was on 5 years ago and one set of worries has been replaced with another so I don't feel any happier. Right now I can buy what I want and don't really have to think about it. Previously I watched every penny. My money worries were replaced with health and family and friend issues. I'm a bit happier, but i definitely think there are people poorer than me who are happy so money doesn't really make you happy.

Curiosity101 · 17/10/2020 16:25

So long as you can pay the bills I don't think money itself makes you happy. You're either a glass half full person or glass half empty. And you'll be that way regardless.

grapewine · 17/10/2020 16:26

It gives you choices and opportunities. Headspace to think about other things. That's freedom and can lead to happiness.

Tfoot75 · 17/10/2020 16:26

No money certainly doesn't equal happiness, I don't think anyone really thinks that. But, all things considered, if everything is exactly the same then clearly extra money can bring a lot of joy. An extra holiday, a shopping trip, tickets to the theatre - these things can't make an unhappy person happy but of course they bring extra happiness and joy into your life, and cost money.

catlovingdoctor · 17/10/2020 16:26

I feel lots of elements of my life which make me unhappy are restricted by lack of money, so to a point I would say money can and does make you happier. But it depends on circumstances and personality too.

TheOneWhoWalksInTheSun · 17/10/2020 16:27

There is a level though, above which it makes no difference.

LaurieFairyCake · 17/10/2020 16:30

Well that level is £150,000 Grin

Above that it makes no difference to happiness

But I'm guessing most don't make that on here

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/10/2020 16:30

It definitely buys you a certain amount of happiness. Past a certain point, I don't think more of it makes you more happy.

TheOneWhoWalksInTheSun · 17/10/2020 16:32

Is it too hat high?!
That's a pity. 😆

If I'm very frugal can I make the level lower?

TheOneWhoWalksInTheSun · 17/10/2020 16:32

Is it that high..

TableFlowerss · 17/10/2020 16:33

I can’t say I’d feel the same level of sympathy for a couple earning in excess of say £150k - for not being able to afford a prep school and a cleaner etc... as I would for a couple struggling on the minimum wage!

I do believe money makes your life much easier, straight away you don’t have money worries in the way many people do. I reiterate, I don’t class struggling to pay prep school fees etc as a worry, given that 90% of the population can’t....

Saying that, if it was a choice between being a millionaire or having happy healthy children, I’m sure the vast majority of people would chose the later every day of the week.

Money can’t bring you health and if can’t buy you love....

mrscampbellblackagain · 17/10/2020 16:33

Life is a lot easier if you have enough money. Being able to put food on the table, buy school shoes etc without worrying is a wonderful thing.

I tend to think the people who think money isn't important are those who have never really been poor.

yelyah22 · 17/10/2020 16:34

Currently trying not to become homeless as the bills stack up, I'd argue money would make us much happier. But that's because the basics are good (relationship is good, we're genuinely happy with our lives as they are).

2020hasbeenbloodyawful · 17/10/2020 16:34

To quote JK Rowling - 'poverty is romanticised by fools'.

Money creates opportunity and no one would turn down a little extra. There is nothing fun about struggling.

The man who you used in an example sounds like he has a lot of issues that run a lot deeper than monetary.

But if we could bring home an extra 10k/15k a year our lives would be inconceivably different. No more scrimping, no worrying about the end of the month, could have the house done up like we've always wanted, a lovely holiday every year etc. God, it's a dream!

Those who say money doesn't make you happy always have enough. I for one wholeheartedly say money makes life immeasurably easier and lets you enjoy life far more.

PurplePansy05 · 17/10/2020 16:36

I think it does make people happier in a sense that it increases their sense of security and stability and opens doors to pursue various interesting/enjoyable activities.

But this needs to be balanced against not having a life at all in pursuit of big money or living a lifestyle that is so expensive that a lot of money is still never enough to feel secure.

There's a happy in-between there, I believe.

chunkyrun · 17/10/2020 16:37

I don't think money makes you happier, but I also think it's hard to be happy if you're living in poverty.

SqidgeBum · 17/10/2020 16:37

Having been someone who had very little money in my early 20s and sat up at night worrying about how to pay for the car or food or the electricity bill, but now I have a steady income and career, we have savings, and we are comfortable, I am going to say money does buy some happiness. It makes my life less stressful. I dont have to worry about how to feed my kids or pay the electricity bills. Everything else is just little things really that can be fixed or managed.

Does it mean I am always happy? No. Does it mean I worry less? Yes.

PleasantVille · 17/10/2020 16:37

You aren't unreasonable to hold that opinion, of course not but you're totally unreasonable to even think that a question such as does money make you happier can actually have an answer. You can speak for yourself only.

JamSarnie · 17/10/2020 16:38

Happiness is having more than enough money to pay the bills with spare to fund some luxuries in life.

It can't buy happiness or health but it can remove the misery and stress of not having enough to live comfortably.