Money doesn't make you any happier

[Iris101]

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

I grew up very poor, and am now comfortable. I know which I prefer.

I agree that having money doesn’t make you happier in itself, but it does buy security, choices and freedom. If you have enough of it, it buys the greatest freedom of all, the freedom not to have to work unless you want to.

Rich, unhappy people will always be unhappy because they value the wrong things and constantly compare what they have got with what others have got. This is completely pointless because unless your name is Jeff Bezos, there will always be someone richer than you.

Money gives you security and options. Those can help in your search for happiness.

Money definitely buys you choice and having choices can make you happier.
Having more choice about where you live, where you shop, the car you drive, the clothes you wear because you want not because that is what you can afford.

I have been at both ends of the scale and am very comfortable now. I don't worry when shopping about how much it will cost and I don't worry about a household appliance breaking.

So maybe it isn't the addition of happiness but the reduction of stress?

I also think that only goes up to a certain point. My (adult) son always says there shouldn't be any billionaires. They simply shouldn't exist. At the point you are overflowing with money you should be giving it away. No one needs that much money - ever. I totally agree with him. Probably with multi millionaires as well.

Money gives you choices and a certain amount of freedom. Struggling to make ends meet is exhausting. If people with money are unhappy it is because of other factors, or because they are making bad choices as to how to spend that money.

I was much happier when I had money.
Now I wake every day worried sick.

I know many wealthy people, some in my ( wider) family, a lot of them miserable as f**k, stuck in crap marriages etc because the prospect of living in a small house etc is unbearable. I have friends who are extremely poor but extremely happy, with a very healthy outlook on life. I think it makes no difference.

I'm happier having money. We're not extravagant or flashy but we can buy what we need and want without thinking about it. We have plenty of savings and never argue about money.

Money isn't everything but it helps with most things that are important to me, health, travel and choice.

I think it’s an equation really.

Money doesn’t equate to happiness.

However, living beyond your means, at any amount of income, will contribute greatly to unhappiness.

It is difficult, if not impossible, to live within your means on a very low income. Even if you manage it day to day an unexpected bill or loss of earnings can tip things over the edge.

Having more money should make it easier to live within your means, but some people will always increase their spending to match.

We’re no way wealthy but our income certainly helps with our happiness. We have enough space in our house that we’re not falling over each other or arguing about being in each others’ space.
We can afford weekend breaks or holidays for a change of scenery and to eat out every month.
We never really have to stress too much about the car mot or broken white goods and never worry about our normal bills / food or essential clothes.
All of that cannot be minimised. It really really helps our quality of life.

I think once you take away the horrible stress horror of not having enough food, wondering if you can make it through the week, feed electricity meters, living in damp/poor quality/crowded housing etc etc. (which is maybe 50-100k for a family)...

Is it just me?

@Zaphodsotherhead

Having enough to cover the bills with a little bit left is a recipe for happiness.

There is nothing more miserable than living in a cold house grubbing about for the money to replace broken things.

This. But I also think having so much that you can't always trust people or can do so much it becomes boring can also be depressing. Being comfortable is where it is at

Everyones 'enough' is different isn't it ?

I am generally a happy, optimistic, glass half full type of person. I have also been very poor, so I tend to start with the essentials , do I have a roof over my head, is it warm and dry, can we afford food, are we safe and well ? Everything else is a bonus.

Most things you can buy come in a range of prices , you can spend as much or as little as you want on the same type of thing that does the same job, its all about preference, very few things do a 100% better job than the cheaper alternative. Some might not last as long so cost more in the long run if you need to replace them more often. But that is very few things, most have a shelf life depending on wear.

@TheLastStarfighter

I think it’s an equation really.

Money doesn’t equate to happiness.

However, living beyond your means, at any amount of income, will contribute greatly to unhappiness.

It is difficult, if not impossible, to live within your means on a very low income. Even if you manage it day to day an unexpected bill or loss of earnings can tip things over the edge.

Having more money should make it easier to live within your means, but some people will always increase their spending to match.

agree with this too

@MsStillwell
No its not just you.
We are comfortable and consider ourselves doing OK on 30k.

@TinyGhost

As much as it is a trope, I believe comparison is the thief of joy.

Once basic needs are met, the next step is to live comfortably, but after that point, people can become preoccupied with status. The cost of that can keep adding up.

Property, School fees, cars, holidays, material possessions. It can become a preoccupation and a competition.

Some people, especially quite a few on this forum don’t seem to realise how good they have it.

Yes, they've done studies where they told one group of employees that they will be given a raise. Obviously, they are happy, but when they are told that other employees will get a higher raise than them, they score a much lower happiness score. Objectively, it shouldn't really matter - 5k extra is 5k extra no matter what Jane in Accounts is getting - but it does matter because we compare ourselves to others in our peer group, and if we feel they're doing better than us, we feel bad.

So if you come into money and move to a naice part of town you'll probably feel great for a while, but as your peer group changes, so do your expectations. You won't be comparing yourself to the folks back in the average suburb you left, but in the posh new one. So if they drive a Mercedes, send their children to private schools and holiday in the Maldives instead of the costa, then at some level you may feel pressured to do the same. So your level of satisfaction doesn't improve long-term, it simply 're-sets' to adapt to your new circumstances.

I believe money makes life easier (you don't need to budget, no worries about bills, can spend if you'd like something without needing to save, have a fancy holiday/car/house).

However if you're genuinely discontent inside, while money may make some things easier or take your mind off things, it isn't going to solve your discontent.

Happiness itself is always temporary. Once you're used to something it becomes status quo and then you need to try to find the next surge. Kind of like getting a new mobile, the first week you love it and after that it becomes your 'every day' and you probably don't pay much attention to it anymore (and probably place the same value to it as you did to your old phone).

Well I think not having money can cause great unhappiness.

After that whether you’re happy or not is 1) disposition and 2) living within your means, which your friend clearly doesn’t!

I grew up dirt poor, marries and became quite well off and I am now divorced and comfortable-ish.

I am much happier now, but I live within my means and the DC's and I are not extravagant. I have a good work life balance and that helps too. When I had money I wasn't happy but that was because I was married to a dick.

To quote JK Rowling - 'poverty is romanticised by fools'.

I'd rather be crying on a yacht in the Med than crying in a sleeping bag on Boots doorstep.

Happiness is a pie and money makes up a huge chunk of that pie. Other slices of the pie that makes up a 100% pie of happiness vary from person to person.

A person with a lot of cash might still be unhappy because they don't have kids, a life partner, good health, a close friend or it could even be that they wish to speak Japanese as a second language but are finding it hard to learn.

Money buys you time to spend with family, friends & hobbies.
OP maybe your friend won the lottery or inherited recently which enables her to work part time.

So IMO money gives you options, is doesn't MAKE you happy.

Let's be honest being poor makes absolutely not one person happy as they have no choices, they do what they have to do to get by.

The having money gives you the options of then what you do with that money, in some cases with reasonable wealth people put themselves on a treadmill of living to a standard that isn't comfortable but just attainable. So it's the keeping up with Jones type lifestyle, which does not make people happy, they have to keep earning at that level for the school, cars, houses, horses and Holidays. They believe that is their worth, so they have the pressure of having to keep it all.

But those sorts of people will never be happy as they will always live right up to their means.

It's a happy situation to be in if you are comfortable, if all your bills are comfortably paid and you can afford a few luxuries you like, and that comes in all different kinds of value of wealth.

We say we would be happy together regardless and we were, the money side is not what brings you happiness as such but allows you not to have stresses of being skint.

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.

Money is strongly associated with health which in turn is a driver of happiness. I think the phrase is bollocks quite frankly.

When something bad happens, money gives a safety net which buys choices. A spouse dying in their 30s leaving behind a sahm and small children would be tragic whatever the circumstances. However a family with life insurance that can secure their home, income etc will have a very different set of challenges than one with no savings or insurance who has also been plunged into a bad financial situation.

Money does not make you happy. It will make your lifestyle a lot more easier though.

However from what you have described OP you could earn well (compared to someone who maybe earns 25k) but then if you live beyond your means and it all goes out what’s the point?

Celebrities have plenty of money.... same issues of some of us on here (apart from the bank balance). Money is the root of all evil.