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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Money doesn't make you any happier

285 replies

Iris101 · 17/10/2020 16:04

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

OP posts:
PriceEmUp · 21/10/2020 12:04

£56.5k and still budgeting food ect?🤕

We’re on a total household income of £20k a year. I’d kill for 56k 🤣

Harleyflynn · 21/10/2020 12:18

Tbf we all budget. It is just more or less depending on your level of income.

DH and I are on 130k between us. We still have to budget, we can't just buy anything we like.

DTIsOnlyForNow · 21/10/2020 12:23

I fucking hate people saying money doesn't make you happy. Well then you're doing it wrong.

Its easier to be miserable with money. It's easier to get through all kind of shit with money. Bad times are far worse with no money. If you're happy anyway you'll be happier with more money.

It's idiotic nonsense meant to make poor people feel less envious. Load of bollocks

raspberrymuffin · 21/10/2020 12:42

Money isn't everything, it's true. But if I had enough that I could afford to pay off the mortgage and do some travelling, or enough that I could stop worrying that if I need IVF we'll be limited to what we can get on the NHS, I'd be happier than I am now. When DH and I go on our camping holidays half a day's drive from home we're happy to get away and we have a good time, but I don't see that a luxury yurt or a trip to Japan would make us less happy.

I think the problems start when people start to perceive themselves as wealthy and think they need to adjust their lives to suit that perception. If you have extra money but spend it all on private schools and silly cars then ultimately you're no better off than if you didn't have that money, but with the added pressure on yourself to keep it up because it would be embarrassing to go back to the Yaris.

CanwerollontheNY · 21/10/2020 16:39

@Harleyflynn

Tbf we all budget. It is just more or less depending on your level of income.

DH and I are on 130k between us. We still have to budget, we can't just buy anything we like.

It’s true the more you have the more you will spend.

If we all was to compare our out goings I’m sure some of us would be shocked about what “luxuries” someone may buy compared to themselves.

oopsiedaisy2 · 21/10/2020 17:37

No it doesn't make someone happy , it can actually make you miserable depending where it came from. I know people who are loaded , but they work 16/18 hours a day and don't have any work life balance so it's not really worth having a healthy bank balance if your family suffer and your kids grow up without their parent having any input. Just my opinion of course. On the flip side having enough to not have to worry day to day can be a blessing too.

WinWinnieTheWay · 21/10/2020 17:40

It doesn't fix relationships or personality problems, but money does make life more pleasant. If you've ever been in debt or poverty, the thought of having enough money not to worry ever again is more than enough.

RunBackwards · 21/10/2020 17:43

My Grandad who grew up very poor and became quite comfortable used to say "money can't buy happiness but it makes being miserable a darn sight more comfortable".

The secret to happiness is being content with what you have. For some people it will never be enough, whether that's money, looks, friends etc etc

rattusrattus20 · 21/10/2020 17:48

Being genuinely broke is pretty horrendous, not being able to eat [tolerably well], or turn the heating on, or buy halfway decent christmas presents for the the kids, or deal with 'emergencies' such as an unexpected home/car repair or vet's bill, none of these things are in any way pleasant.

But as per the OP, it's certainly true that you quite quickly run into 'dimishing returns' once your basic needs are met.

ZaraW · 21/10/2020 18:03

@runningbackwards I disagree. I grew up poor. I wasn't content with what I had. I wanted to better myself went to uni got a well paying job and was mortgage free at 45. If you've never been poor how can you possibly know how miserable it can be? Accepting what you have equals knowing your place versus wanting to better yourself. It was an easy decision for me.

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