Money doesn't make you any happier

[Iris101]

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

Money on it's own doesn't make you happy, but having enough money to survive definitely makes a huge difference.

I went from struggling to buy food/pay bills to now earning enough where the bills are covered and I don't need to worry or even think about how they're going to get paid each month. Believe me, my stress levels are far lower now!

if it doesn't it comes a close second.

I think it’s less about how much money you earn and more about whether or not you live within your means.

From your first example it seems the arguments were caused not by how much he earned but by how he would be able to continue with the lifestyle they were living.

I also think that with some higher earners there can be more of a “I worked hard and it’s only £££ amount. That’s nothing in the grand scheme of things” compared to lower earners so more and more things are able to be justified until it has a snowball effect.

Doesn’t make you happier above a certain level (you just adapt to having it) but it makes you more comfortable and gives you more choices.

Money gives you options in everything be it housing/healthcare/education and work. You hate your job but have paid off your mortgage and have money in the bank you can take a career break.

For me that is the big thing.

I'm not sure. I think that pursuit of money above all other things definitely makes you unhappier. And being so materialistic that you can't be happy unless you are funding a lavish lifestyle is also really stressful. But if you don't have much money and get some, it is real joy to spend on home improvements, a good holiday, a few luxuries, or to be able to help DC out or treat them without anxiety. I know from experience that this is a massive source of joy.

Money doesn't buy you happiness, but it buys you a much better class of misery (Milligan or Sellers)

Security makes people happy, among other things. Money can buy security.
As people earn more money, they spend more, which seems obvious enough. However, based on some of the richer people I know, there is often an inclination to take the more expensive option unnecessarily.
For example, the richest of my friends works in IT, almost entirely from home (as in, she'd only have to actually see anyone else from the same company IRL 2/3 times a year). So her job could be done almost anywhere in the country. Despite this, she and her husband (same industry and similar work setup) bought a massive 6 bed house in the London commuter belt. The mortgage, even on their salaries, was eye watering.
So, they are too far out of London to actually experience the benefits of being in London. It costs loads for them to visit friends and family, who mostly live in much cheaper parts of the country. They have children now (at least some of the bedrooms will get filled up), all of whom have been sent to Private schools, despite having some of the best state schools on their doorstep. Her husband buys stuff endlessly for hobbies and projects which go nowhere and, several times a year, they go on very expensive holidays to "get away from it all".

They have a lot of money but she openly admits she isn't happy and sounds s bit confused when you ask her why she bought X if she's worried about money. In her mind, they have it so they spend it, whether they need it or not.

Those who say money doesn't make you happy always have enough.

This.

Yes it does.

There are people who are going to be content, even if poor as church mice. There are people who are not going to be content even with millions.

But there are also plenty of people between those two extremes, for whom money is not going to solve all life's problems, but in for whom it can make things a whole lot nicer, a lot of the time.

I feel like this. Money gives DH and I a safety net. It gives us choices. It buys us time. It buys us health. It creates flexibility.

It didnt stop me having miscarriages. But it paid for acupuncture and me stopping work early which I feel contributed to me finally having a healthy DD (albeit at 34 weeks!).

Like IcedPurple said, yes people tend to have a baseline of happiness and while of course various events make us happier or unhappier, we tend to return to that baseline. So the big bucks guy would be about as happy if he was on 16K and the part time assistant would be happy on a higher salary.

Having money means you have fewer things to worry about though. I had very little money when I was in early to mid 20s. Was I unhappy? No, about the same. But I was certainly more stressed about bills and unexpected expenses.

Yes it does, I know from personal experience how it feels to be at both ends of the scale.

Freedom and security brings me happiness. Not being able to afford even a new t-shirt and having to go without does not.

Having lots of money doesn’t make everyone happier. It does however make me happier because it makes life less stressful, more fun, a lot easier. It’s easier to weather hard times etc.

When DH and I first married we were both on normal pay, had a mortgage we struggled to pay and had a lot of debt due to our wedding and moving in to new house. We were very happy and everything was perfect. We tried to save every penny to pay of bills.

5 years down the line, DH got a dream job abroad with British currency pay which is much more valuable then the local currency here. We moved abroad, I got into a high earning job too. We now live in a 3 storey house, both have 'luxury' cars (maybe semi luxury actually) when we want something we get it straight away. I am 29 years old, he is 32. We managed to pay of our UK mortgage and brought a house in the country we live in.

We are very happy still however we were discussing the other night how easy everything came to us. It just doesn't feel the same. When we were in UK with average jobs I remember something as small as managing to buy a new mattress or a new chair got us excited because we knew that we managed to save a little whilst paying debts.

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@Iris101

Having been both broke and comfortable (which I am now), I prefer comfortable. I do think it's about mindset though - what do you think money is for. Over the past 2 years I have inherited quite a lot of it, and I have a mortgage free house. However, that hasn't changed who I am - I shop in Aldi and Asda, wear my clothes until they fall apart and cook from scratch.

Money has enabled my happiness in the sense that I am currently fostering a teenager from a very disadvantaged background and funding them through uni, topping up their maintenance loan, giving them the support and cultural capital they can't get at home. I can afford to do it, and it makes me feel useful.

For the rest of it, I work full time, live modestly and enjoy life with my DC, bio and otherwise. I think I'm just naturally wired for happiness.

And again, that.

I disagree lack of money has definitely limited my choices and in turn made my life harder.

I have a relative who got rich.

Depressed and miserable now.

Money isn’t worth much on your own ie alone at home, no one to go on holidays with etc.

I don't think there's any doubt that not having enough money to pay the bills or put food on the table is going to make you miserable.

However, I think the real question is at what point do you have 'enough' money and will your overall happiness increase if you strive to move beyond that point?

Money buys you choices and security.

Happiness you have to create for yourself. If you have choices and security then it is easier to be happy if you allow yourself to be.

Wealth/money will give you comfort, security and freedom. It can also provide an exceptional education, advantageous health care provision and international travel that will broaden your mind and introduce you to a wider and varied circle of friends. It will also allow you to pursue a choice of interests, a nice car , beautiful clothes and big house. If you are still miserable after all that, then nothing will make you happy.

I don’t know about happier but I definitely sleep better at night now we have money. We aren’t mega rich but we have enough that if we both stopped work tomorrow we would still have enough in savings and pensions to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. Having spent many years scrimping and budgeting being financially comfortable is a life enhancing treat. But I would give it all up in a heartbeat if doing so would cure my adult child’s mental illness.

People I know who are properly rich (private jets, property portfolios, trust funds rich) seem to worry a lot about losing their money.

I’ve experienced both.

Money means you worry less about the basics, it buys peace of mind somehow

Yes there are those who are miserable but have money, my oh ex for example- but that was because ALL she wanted was money and was insane about spending as much on as much as could. It was and is pathological.

The other side of money is that you come into contact with a lot more people who want to take, or want something. When you don’t have anything those around you are with you for you.

My oh adores my friends, because they care and are genuine and honest. You be been to places where his kind of circle of people go and tbh if I never go there again it’ll be too soon! FAR to much braying and showing off! They are excruciatingly embarrassing to share a holiday destination with!

I keep away from any of that stuff now, and I hate how I have to be cautious about who I get to know. It hurts so much every time I mistake someone for a friend when they’re not. I’ve also broken my heart at how oh family take the piss and fall over each other to try to grab and grab.

Me and oh really only need one another not the insta trappings or anything, and that makes us both content and contentment is what makes life feel better.