Money doesn't make you any happier

[Iris101]

AIBU to think this? Sarcastic replies accepted but........

I work with a guy who is on big bucks. He's never happy, because he uses all his money to fund an expensive lifestyle for himself and his kids including fee-paying school. He and his DW nearly split up two years ago - he admitted it was because they worried about how to meet all their bills/continue funding their lifestyle, and all they ever talked (argued) about in the evening was money.

I also work with a woman who is a part-time assistant in a Finance Team. She has three kids/married and earns about £16,000 pa. Comparatively, she is very happy. I asked her once why she didn't go for a promotion, and she just replied "I didn't want it. I never wanted it." She seems happy with her lot. Genuinely happy. She never talks about money as a problem. Whereas people who earn a lot, do.

I've met various people through the course of my working life who are big earners, and they all have something in common - money-related trauma, whatever shape that takes, it's there, lurking under the surface. One boss said to me once, "Money goes in, money goes out." He also worried endlessly about letting money go; it was a painful experience for him that he was constantly bugged for funding. And it showed on his face. He was miserable.

Now of course it's clear that to attain a certain level of comfort, you need to have enough money to meet your basic needs. But various studies over the years have shown that beyond this baseline, excessive levels of wealth have relatively low impact on an individual's state of happiness. Does money actually begin to lose it's value after a certain point? Once you've got enough money to buy whatever you want, does your wealth become meaningless? And once you've attained a state of wealth, do you just worry about it trickling away?

There was a story not long ago in the paper (can't remember which paper) about a modest working man who won the lotto. He said it ruined his life. The friends he had either abandoned him or got nasty when they expected him to give them money or buy them things, and he was attacked in the street by jealous neighbours. He said he was so unhappy he had contemplated suicide.

These are just examples that I can think of for the purposes of discussion. I'm sure there are lots of people who are wealthy and happy. As many to match the ones who aren't. But does money (or the acquisition of it) make for a good enough goal in order to attain happiness?

Giving a dissatisfied person a lot of money - I don't think it would make them any happier. In fact, quite the opposite. What do others think?

IcedPurple

Can you explain what you mean about genetics in your last to one post, please.
I entirely agree with your points.

I genuinely really enjoy having money, a big cushion in savings, and a house out right. I was for quite awhile without all that, and it has made a massive difference to what I worry about. It doesn't mean that I don't have any worries, but knowing that I'm financially secure is definitely key to eradicating some of my previous worries. I am 100% happier.

Yep I agree with PPs, obviously you need enough money to get by, otherwise life is miserable. But I remember watching something a while back, think it might’ve been ‘Happy’ on Netflix which said studies show that any amount up to £50,000 a year will make you more happy and content and after that it either stops at that level or starts to decline.

It makes sense to me, ambition is always touted as this wonderful trait to have and it is up to a point if it’s going to help you or your family achieve a better quality of life. After that ambition is just a lack of contentment. If you’re never satisfied and always wanting more, more, more and the next promotion, it’s never going to equate to happiness.

It would make me much happier.
I’ve been poor and it sucks.

We had some behavioural analysis done on us at work.

Mine read "Thecats likes to be rewarded with fine things." Our HR woman said "Mine just says I like to be rewarded with things."

So I guess I'm more predisposed to enjoy filthy lucre than others. Mind you, I think I'm very fortunate to be disposed and skilled in lucrative areas whilst having relatively low wants.

My hobby is writing, for which I need time, not money. I do like fine things, but a little of them goes a long way. My car was 8 years old when I got it, and I live quite cheaply whilst on a high income. I get a lot of enjoyment from DIY, which saves money too.

I have friends who spend through every penny of their income, and would for mine too (I'm a high earner amongst our group), but I like to see my bank balance grow. I'm hoping to save enough to work less so I can write more.

I really haven’t rtft (sorry) but my mother always said ‘money doesn’t necessarily make you happy but it is more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike’.

There was a study that proved that money does buy happiness up to a certain point. After that point more money does not increase the happiness pound for pound. However, I know I would be happier with more money because it would give me more choices.

They’ve done studies on this. After a certain amount (I think it’s 50K) money doesn’t make you any more happy than your baseline happiness.

Money may not buy happiness but it can buy security which goes a long way towards feeling happy.

I've been poor - on the bones of my arse, behind on the rent and being evicted, electricity and gas cut off and scraping coppers together for a loaf of bread and tin of beans. I've also been relatively well-off - enough money to pay our bills, overpaying the mortgage, money going into savings, able to afford nice holidays and new cars, not panicking if the boiler goes kaput because I have enough in savings to cover it, and able to go shopping or do fun stuff without worrying how much I had in the bank.

I can tell you which one I prefer.

If you are unhappy, money won’t make you happier, but it will make life more comfortable.

Money doesn’t buy you happiness but it helps if you have enough to puta roof over your head, heat your home and food in your stomach.

As a society we have come to expect so much more, electronics, foreign holidays, fancy cars, handbags, jewellery, etc. None of that will make you happy if you are in a bad relationship or don’t love yourself.

Aww the sentiment is cute, ridiculous but cute. Of course money makes you happier. Obviously I'd imagine you get to a certain amount and day to day expenses become crazy (private schools, multiple house to maintain etc) but everyone would still rather have it.

It doesnt protect you from death, death of a loved one or ill health of course but money means you wont have to rush back to work, afford private care or in general slow down. I find the saying quite ignorant tbh when there are homeless people, single parents, disabled people living in inadequate house, children needing fed who would be happy to see even £30 extra in the bank, so they can warm there house.

Not having enough money causes so much anxiety and worry. I see the point though about chasing money and how it won't necessarily make you happy. I feel like there is a big pressure now to chase that promotion, chase that pay rise. Some people thrive on that pressure, but others it just makes them ill. You see people on high wages pleading poverty when they have an expensive house, privately schooled kids, multiple cars etc, they can't see what they have. In an ideal world I would want enough to cover bills, a few treats and unexpected things, like replacing a big household item that breaks, but I am not interested in chasing an expensive lifestyle, holidays, big house, cars etc.

Also forgot to add it would depend on the person. I find certain people would have money issues at whatever level they were at. Be it through over spending, bad business choices, keeping up appearances. It would make me happy to be a billionaire, not just for myself but all the people in my life I could help out.

It depends on what you’d spend the money on. For example, luxury holidays, weekends away, spa days, theme parks, treating other people, nice restaurants. They can make people a lot happier, it’s not just buying material things but experiences . You might be just able to afford a cheap holiday, but that could be greatly improved by staying at an all inclusive 5star resort. It just depends on whether you’d actually enjoy that. I have a friend who really wants to do masters. But she can’t afford to do it and wants to works part time. She got in for the course but had to decline as they were not offering part time anymore. She said she also couldn’t afford to take out a loan. Whereas, in contrast I know if it was me I would be able to do it as my parents could afford it.
I’m not rich but I can go to the supermarket and pick whatever I want within reason. But Some people have to budget.

I definitely think it can bring happiness. But it obviously isn’t going to bring back the dead and necessary solve health issues. There are rich people with problems and poor people with problems. It doesn’t mean that all rich people have problems. I’m sure some are perfectly happy living their life of luxury. But if you compare someone whose lost their child who is rich to someone who hasn’t and they are poor. Well we all know we’d want to be the poor person.

I live in a nice house and area but hardly a life of luxury. People think otherwise as it’s a 4 bedroom attached house. We don’t buy designer or go to fancy places but people think we have it easy. People don’t realise all the suffering we having been through, mental health problems, the death of a young person in the family, strained relationships with family, no friends etc. I would much rather be poor and not have all these problems . But I wouldn’t want to be poor with these problems.

As a society we have come to expect so much more, electronics, foreign holidays, fancy cars, handbags, jewellery, etc.

I haven't. I don't like money and don't strive to earn more than my immediate bills.
I have a house paid for and if we want any more than we have then we'll sell and only travel.
No savings, pension no need or want for them.
For me time is more important and I'm up for anything that helps me mange this effectively and efficiently.

I think a lot of big earners have got there because they are very motivated by financial reward and lifestyle. As a result, they spend large amounts and end up feeling many of the same stresses as people in lower incomes - ultimately they are struggling to maintain what they come to perceive as needs.

There is a Buddhist saying "That which I possess possesses me."

When people become wealthy they can spend a lot of time & effort on managing their wealth & keeping it safe, feeling anxious about protecting it from being stolen, insurance, burglar alarms, safety deposit boxes etc. I think this is the trap that wealth can bring - when it becomes more of a burden than a pleasure.

I have a friend with one very beautiful item of jewellery that is so valuable she never wears it - it is in the bank. What's the point of that?

We used to worry constantly about money when our kids were young, I'd lie awake at night worrying how to pay the mortgage. Then dh sadly inherited some money after losing both his parents within a few years. We then had no money worries and paid off the mortgage and had significant savings to cushion us. The best thing about it was that it enabled me to give up a long term job which made me so unhappy, caused me severe anxiety and largely meant I had to work most weekends and night shifts etc. I took on a much lower paid job but was so much happier. So yes I think having money can give you a lot more choices. I do still feel anxious about money because I know that if we lost our jobs tomorrow ( which in the current climate is a real possibility ), we would get no benefits and the savings would quickly deplete with 2 dependent kids still at school.

Totally agree with @mrscampbellblackagain and @2020hasbeenbloodyawful. I'm not rich but I can buy what I need without worrying. Even a winter coat or a vacuum cleaner. For much of my life I struggled to pay for the bare essentials and there's nothing romantic about that.

As much as it is a trope, I believe comparison is the thief of joy.

Once basic needs are met, the next step is to live comfortably, but after that point, people can become preoccupied with status. The cost of that can keep adding up.

Property, School fees, cars, holidays, material possessions. It can become a preoccupation and a competition.

Some people, especially quite a few on this forum don’t seem to realise how good they have it.

I don't think money buys happiness totally, but it helps. It takes away a whole lot of worry. But on the other hand, many people will just replace it with some other worry.

Also - can the finance assistant really be compared? Yes she is on a relatively low wage but you said she is married so presumably her family lives off her wage and her spouse's salary. She probably isn't supporting a family of five on £16000.

I'd be happier if I had more! I can't even pay my outgoings without help from tax credits.

I think there's a point though where it stops being relevant. If you earn enough to cover the basics, cover emergencies, buy a few things you want and go on a nice holiday then you can potter on quite happily. If you're poor you're worrying about money and if you're too rich you probably have a lifestyle to match and will worry about the fact you've overstretched if you have made the choice to add lots of expense into your life.

I agree to an extent. It relives pressure........but then I think of my friend working 12 hour days. She's only seen her dd for 2 hours this week.

She was telling me about all the Christmas presents she's bought her and the playhouse she got for the garden for her and I can't help but think sometimes priorities are mixed up..........then again if she had unlimited money they'd have it all. But would it ever be enough ? 🤨