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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say to hell with the rule of 6 this Christmas

214 replies

Whatafustercluck · 17/10/2020 08:11

We've been having discussions about who we should have over this Christmas should the rule of 6 still be in place in our region. We had talked to family and my parents wanted my dsis and niece to be able to spend Christmas with us, so the DC can at least be together. Ad a result, they've made alternative plans just the 2 of them. Dsis and her family will do something on their own because she and bil normally do anyway. So, our Christmas was going to be me, dh, our 2 dc, dsis and niece.

Since then, a good friend of ours has told us she has been having tests for ovarian cancer. The medical professionals have prepared her for the worst. The mass is huge. She is preparing herself to be told it's terminal and has already said she will not be having chemo or radiotherapy if it is stage 3. She's completely on her on her own on what could well be her last Christmas. We spoke yesterday and have invited her, meaning we will be 7 this Christmas. She has accepted, saying she doesn't care about shielding and is happy to take the risk.

Our neighbours are lovely and I think would totally understand if we explain. We just couldn't let her be on her own this Christmas after this news and the totally awful year she's already had. Likewise we cannot/ don't want to uninvite dsis.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatafustercluck · 17/10/2020 08:12

Should have explained I have 2 sisters. One is a single parent.

OP posts:
Toebarb · 17/10/2020 08:14

We are not going to follow our normal plans because it would be 15 of us, from several households, including vulnerable people so it just doesn't seem like a good idea.

In your case, I'd say go ahead. Sorry about your friend Sad

greyspottedgoose · 17/10/2020 08:15

I wouldn't say anything to your neighbours, I doubt they are going to be counting who is coming and going on the street Christmas day

LoeliaPonsonby · 17/10/2020 08:15

I hear you, we are faced between either not inviting my widowed mother, or my in laws, who have no other surviving family. For the difference between 6 and 7 people together, I’m not going to have one of them sat by themselves.

Winterwoollies · 17/10/2020 08:16

Every inch of my being is saying ‘fuck it’. We live in the arsehole of nowhere, we can ask the whole family to isolate for two weeks before if we need to. But this has been a rough year and I will not be robbed of a family Christmas.

LakieLady · 17/10/2020 08:17

I'm normally very people not following the guidelines, but in this case I'm all for it.

Really sorry about your friend. Ovarian cancer's a bitch.

Laaalaaaa · 17/10/2020 08:17

I don’t understand what your neighbours have got to do with this??

SuperCaliFragalistic · 17/10/2020 08:17

To be honest, I think that's fine. But the rules are likely to change several times before Dec 25th so you can't really set firm plans now without allowing for some flexibility. If your friend is own her own she could form a support bubble with you?

PJsEveryday · 17/10/2020 08:18

This situation is very very different from that of people not giving a shit and having a ton of people over. We are sticklers for the rules but if presented with the same situation, would definitely have the friend over. I'm sorry about your friend Flowers

HaggisBurger · 17/10/2020 08:18

Don’t say anything to your neighbours. Life is short. I’m so sorry about your friend and hope it’s better news than you’re expecting.

joystir59 · 17/10/2020 08:18

My wife died of ovarian cancer on 2nd July. I applaud your friend's choice to not have aggressive treatment, and I also applaud your decision not to uphold the rule of six.

HaggisBurger · 17/10/2020 08:18

But yes I wouldn’t hesitate to have her over I should say.

Poppyolive90 · 17/10/2020 08:19

I think DSIS and niece should go with your parents really. However may be a non issue if they remove kids from the rule of 6

LavaCake · 17/10/2020 08:19

YANBU. If your neighbours aren’t nosy arseholes I wouldn’t tell them either - they probably won’t notice how many of you there are, and they would have to be pretty evil to report it anyway.

Hope you manage to have a wonderful day Flowers

Poppyolive90 · 17/10/2020 08:20

Oh and I agree that if you do have her over, definitely
don’t bother telling your neighbours. Just don’t make a big song and dance on the driveway when people arrive.

flaviaritt · 17/10/2020 08:20

I think this is one of those situations where people break laws for decent reasons. Just be prepared to pay the fine if you get caught.

ColdBlow · 17/10/2020 08:20

I don't think you're BU but there's a chance your friend may need to be extra careful about infection. The rest of you should probably isolate for 2 weeks before she comes over to ensure that you don't pass anything onto her as likely her immune system will be compromised by any treatment she's having.

TwoCupsOfLemonTea · 17/10/2020 08:20

Our area means that we can't socialise at all indoors with other households. What will you do if that becomes your scenario? We're thinking of having an outside 'under the carport' Christmas with a chimnea ... could you do something like this if necessary? I'm really sorry to hear about your friend.

ColonSemiColon · 17/10/2020 08:21

@joystir59 I’m so sorry about your wife. Have you joined Widowed and Young?

Porcupineinwaiting · 17/10/2020 08:21

Honestly, that sounds pretty reasonable, if you are all happy with the risks involved. However, if your friend is undergoing chemo (can be used in terminal cases to relieve symptoms ) then she will be vulnerable to all infections, not just cv, so you might want to think again if one of you has a heavy cold etc.

BestOfABadLot · 17/10/2020 08:22

I was coming here reading to say YABU but this is a special case and you'd really have to be a hard nosed cow to object. You're not hosting a huge family gathering you're sneaking in one extra person who wants to enjoy her last christmas.

Lindy2 · 17/10/2020 08:22

If you'd come on here saying you're still having 15 round at Christmas and you don't care about the rules, I'd have said you were wrong. However, 1 extra person due to exceptional circumstances is understandable and not exactly reckless abandonment. I've stuck to the rules very closely but in this case I'd do the same as you.

Alexandernevermind · 17/10/2020 08:23

I think the biggest risk this year won't be following the rule of 6 necessarily, it's more families going from one house hold to another. DH and I have 3 siblings all with children, so our parents will be going from one house to another over Christmas but still observing the rule of 6. I can see Covid spreading like wildfire under these circumstances. I would speak to your sis and friend, agree amongst yourselves to isolate as much as possible to reduce any risk and be your own Christmas bubble.

Original poster
Whatafustercluck · 17/10/2020 08:23

I don’t understand what your neighbours have got to do with this??

@Laaalaaaa because neighbours are being encouraged to report rule breaking by the government. I don't think they would, I hasten to add, but he works for the ambulance service and has strong views about Covid and rule breaking.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 17/10/2020 08:23

I think the rules will have changed umpteen times between now and Christmas but I appreciate you want to plan.
Your neighbours won't care if there are 7 at your table.
Sorry about your friend.