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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say to hell with the rule of 6 this Christmas

214 replies

Whatafustercluck · 17/10/2020 08:11

We've been having discussions about who we should have over this Christmas should the rule of 6 still be in place in our region. We had talked to family and my parents wanted my dsis and niece to be able to spend Christmas with us, so the DC can at least be together. Ad a result, they've made alternative plans just the 2 of them. Dsis and her family will do something on their own because she and bil normally do anyway. So, our Christmas was going to be me, dh, our 2 dc, dsis and niece.

Since then, a good friend of ours has told us she has been having tests for ovarian cancer. The medical professionals have prepared her for the worst. The mass is huge. She is preparing herself to be told it's terminal and has already said she will not be having chemo or radiotherapy if it is stage 3. She's completely on her on her own on what could well be her last Christmas. We spoke yesterday and have invited her, meaning we will be 7 this Christmas. She has accepted, saying she doesn't care about shielding and is happy to take the risk.

Our neighbours are lovely and I think would totally understand if we explain. We just couldn't let her be on her own this Christmas after this news and the totally awful year she's already had. Likewise we cannot/ don't want to uninvite dsis.

Aibu?

OP posts:
AriesTheRam · 17/10/2020 08:48

We shall be seeing 3 family members as normal

BarcyDussell · 17/10/2020 08:49

@Whatafustercluck

First I think you and your friend are jumping the gun.

She may well change her mind on treatment OR it may not be that bad (ie Stage 3 cancer is very treatable in many cases.)

Secondly, we may all be in full lockdown at Xmas.

Third, contrary to what a lot of posters here are saying, we are going the other way...

my DCs live in London and are not willing to possibly infect us over Xmas as their journey will involve either taxis or a train, and they are also in contact with work colleagues.

Given 70% of people with the virus have no symptoms, my DCs are not happy about coming as DH had cancer last year.

I think we will all be spending Xmas as separate households.

doctorhamster · 17/10/2020 08:50

I think it's too soon to make plans for Christmas. I'm not allowed to socialise indoors with anyone I don't live with in my area. Your area could be the same by Christmas and the rule of 6 will be dead and gone anyway.

MJMG2015 · 17/10/2020 08:52

@ChaChaCha2012

I'm torn, i agree with your reasoning, but could you live with yourself if one of you passed the virus to her and her final days were abruptly shortened? Your heart is in the right place without a doubt. I'd see closer to the time, what the overall situation is by then and how she is.

I do hope she gets some better news in the near future.

I'd be worried too, especially with school aged children, BUT her friend is an adult who is fully aware of the risk she's taking & wants to do this. So as long as I was sure my friend completely understood the risk then I'd let her make the decision.

I mean also Christmas is a long way away in terms of her assessments & any treatment plans, if she's getting treatment she may well change her mind anyway.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 17/10/2020 08:52

'Rule of 6 is just another stupid three word slogan the blonde incompetent pulled out of his arse.'

Not sure if its a stupid 3 word slogan, isn’t it just a clear rule for those who struggle with 'social distancing' advice and sadly need specific idiot proof rules?

BarcyDussell · 17/10/2020 08:54

Also @Whatafustercluck unless your friend's cancer is terminal- and it may well not be- you risk giving her Covid unless you all self isolate for 2 weeks or take a test.

How would you feel if she is having treatment and has a good chance of recovery and then you or your family pass covid on to her?

I think you are being a bit thoughtless to plan ahead when anything could happen, either way.

AppleKatie · 17/10/2020 08:54

As someone much wiser than me said on another thread this government would be terrifying if it was competent.

They will not and do not have the police manpower to knock on every address on Christmas Day checking if it’s six or seven.

Last time I was assaulted I couldn’t get a police officer to turn up. It’s laughable to imagine that they could possibly turn out for this.

MJMG2015 · 17/10/2020 08:55

@flaviaritt

I think this is one of those situations where people break laws for decent reasons. Just be prepared to pay the fine if you get caught.
I think the police are going to be a tad too busy on Christmas Day to go door to door doing head counts. 🤦🏻‍♀️
Springersrock · 17/10/2020 08:55

We’re supposed to be having 7 for Christmas too

DH, 2 x DDs and I, and MiL, FiL and BiL.

MiL, FiL and BiL all live together so we’ll just be 2 households. I can’t see that 3 is more of a risk than 2 in this case

flaviaritt · 17/10/2020 08:58

I think the police are going to be a tad too busy on Christmas Day to go door to door doing head counts. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don’t think I said otherwise. It’s unlikely she’ll get caught.

mummy2oli · 17/10/2020 09:01

Go for it: I think it depends on the situation. In your case I would totally do it.

Lexilooo · 17/10/2020 09:05

Your friend as a single person living alone can form a support bubble with you and be treated as part of your household.

Your sister as a single parent to an under 18 can do the same.

Rule of six doesn't apply if you are all part of the same household or support bubble.

LizzieSiddal · 17/10/2020 09:06

CrazyCatLady So sorry you’ve had such bad news, I hope you have a fabulous Christmas Flowers

nosswith · 17/10/2020 09:06

Dsis and niece for tea, neighbour for lunch does not break the rule of six.

I expect the rule of six will be amended for Christmas Day.

HelloMissus · 17/10/2020 09:06

The police don’t turn up for raves, pubs having lock ins and illegal gambling activities.
Do we seriously think they’ll get busy door knocking on Xmas day.

Soundbyte · 17/10/2020 09:07

Doesn’t the rule of 6 exclude children under 11? If one of the children will be under this you won’t be breaking any rules anyway. I’ve lost track a bit now though so may be way off.

Whatever the restrictions, under your personal circumstances no you would not be unreasonable. I’m sorry to hear about your friend :(

Pradababe · 17/10/2020 09:08

If you add her to your bubble as a vulnerable person well in advance of the day, that is allowed.

Xenia · 17/10/2020 09:09

The rule will need to be changed for Christmas or the police will be pretty busy and every neighbour with a grudge in the land will have a field day. Perhaps people will have to smuggle granny in in dead of night and wheel her in a wheel barrow so no cars are seen..... I have 5 adult children etc..We had to cancel Easter (the most important Chrisitian festival - Christmas isn't); then I was taking 11 of us abroad - my annual treat for them all - cancelled by the holiday company - late June. No family graduations for the twins this year or ever presumably. Had to cancel the hotel bookings etc.... I don't think the nation is going to be keen to cancel Christmas too. I suppose it might solve BJ's issues of leaving his children's mother, adultery, bastard child, living in sin etc as I expect it may be hard to persuade his older children to play happy families with their father's lover who is young enough to be his child.

MJMG2015 · 17/10/2020 09:09

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'Rule of 6 is just another stupid three word slogan the blonde incompetent pulled out of his arse.'

Not sure if its a stupid 3 word slogan, isn’t it just a clear rule for those who struggle with 'social distancing' advice and sadly need specific idiot proof rules?

Yes & it's also a scientific calculation of transmission. We are not the only country using it. Boris didn't magic it up!!

(But see my previous posts re THIS situation. I'd do it)

Murphs1 · 17/10/2020 09:10

I think anyone would understand in your circumstances. Im sure there will be people up and down the country having one extra due to older widowed parents and in-laws etc... but your circumstances are exceptional, and I expect your neighbour will be too busy xmas day to notice.

lazylump72 · 17/10/2020 09:11

Hi OP ..do not give it another thought...make this christmas as special as you can and just do it...I think you sound a wonderful friend and no one in their right minds could fault your disision. I wish more people were as sensible and as rational as you are,,,the hysterics surrounding this will get worse and some things in life are worth sticking your neck out for and for you and your family and your dear friend sadly this is one of those times....In your position I wouldnt hesitate.

MJMG2015 · 17/10/2020 09:13

@Springersrock

We’re supposed to be having 7 for Christmas too

DH, 2 x DDs and I, and MiL, FiL and BiL.

MiL, FiL and BiL all live together so we’ll just be 2 households. I can’t see that 3 is more of a risk than 2 in this case

Well actually it is. The live together, but they're not together 24/7 so they are all in different situations where they could get it. They might not pass it on to the other two, but they might pass it on to people they visit.
MJMG2015 · 17/10/2020 09:14

@Lexilooo

Your friend as a single person living alone can form a support bubble with you and be treated as part of your household.

Your sister as a single parent to an under 18 can do the same.

Rule of six doesn't apply if you are all part of the same household or support bubble.

Except you can't have multiple support bubbles.
PrettyinPink80 · 17/10/2020 09:17

Do it. Poor lady such a sad story. Give her a wonderful Christmas and if you get fined I'll help you pay for it. Stay Safe x

BarcyDussell · 17/10/2020 09:18

I fully expect that by Xmas, there may be a full lockdown or with far more restrictions as the numbers are rising hugely and exponentially.

We are as high as before (first wave) and the increase exponentially on current cases will not be available for another 3-4 weeks as the stats are always 3 weeks behind.

The Rule of 6 was not something BJ made up -it's led by science.

Personally I can't see why people are willing to risk numbers rising by breaking rules because it everyone did this- oh, hang on !- it would result in more cases and more deaths.

Christmas is just a day; you aren't going to die if you don't 'have' Christmas, but you might if you mix with too many people.

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