To say to hell with the rule of 6 this Christmas

[Whatafustercluck]

We've been having discussions about who we should have over this Christmas should the rule of 6 still be in place in our region. We had talked to family and my parents wanted my dsis and niece to be able to spend Christmas with us, so the DC can at least be together. Ad a result, they've made alternative plans just the 2 of them. Dsis and her family will do something on their own because she and bil normally do anyway. So, our Christmas was going to be me, dh, our 2 dc, dsis and niece.

Since then, a good friend of ours has told us she has been having tests for ovarian cancer. The medical professionals have prepared her for the worst. The mass is huge. She is preparing herself to be told it's terminal and has already said she will not be having chemo or radiotherapy if it is stage 3. She's completely on her on her own on what could well be her last Christmas. We spoke yesterday and have invited her, meaning we will be 7 this Christmas. She has accepted, saying she doesn't care about shielding and is happy to take the risk.

Our neighbours are lovely and I think would totally understand if we explain. We just couldn't let her be on her own this Christmas after this news and the totally awful year she's already had. Likewise we cannot/ don't want to uninvite dsis.

Aibu?

Yanbu

We are having 7 people also. My Dd is pregnant and due in Dec. So the baby will make it 7 for lunch. We have been following all rules to the letter, but we won’t be following this one on xmas day.

Not sure yet to be honest - we need to be patient and see how things are. By Christmas if the infection rate plummets following the restrictions brought in then they may relax them or if things get dicey it may not be a case of 6 but no mixing households. Your single friend may be eligible to bubble with you/health needs but seeing your parents I wouldn't plan on yet.

There's meant to be 8-9 of us but we are not even discussing until beginning of December

Oh what awful news. I'm very sorry.

As @SuperCaliFragalistic said, can she not join your family as a support bubble, then she doesn't have to socially distance from you either, she's counted as part of your household. She'll still count under 'rule of 6'
But in this case, I'd do it.

Your parents sound lovely & sensible, so I hope they're understanding & not too upset at stepping back so you could have Dsis & niece without breaking the rules then you have 1 extra. Would your friend mind if you told them about her cancer?

I hope her prognosis isn't as bad as she fears. My elderly neighbour had ovarian cancer and she had treatment & lived several years after diagnosis, but I'm not sure how common that is. Best wishes to her.

Absolutely break the rules for your friend, just think how much you would regret if you didn't and she passed away.

We're doing it in small groups over an extended 3 day Christmas - so 6 one day, 6 another day and so on. But if your friend bubbled with you as a single person can then surely she can then come at Christmas without any rule breaking anyway?

I wouldn't even hesitate OP. There will be many people breaking the rules on a lot bigger scale without a valid reason.

I'm torn, i agree with your reasoning, but could you live with yourself if one of you passed the virus to her and her final days were abruptly shortened? Your heart is in the right place without a doubt. I'd see closer to the time, what the overall situation is by then and how she is.

I do hope she gets some better news in the near future.

We're doing it in small groups over an extended 3 day Christmas - so 6 one day, 6 another day and so on.

More objection to this, to be honest. It’s within the rules but far more likely to spread infection.

@joystir59 I’m so sorry about your wife. Have you joined Widowed and Young?

That a really good call, I have a friend who's has an immense amount of support from them.

OP, inviting your friend is a really lovely idea and I'd do the same in that situation.

@Notonthestairs

I think the rules will have changed umpteen times between now and Christmas but I appreciate you want to plan. Your neighbours won't care if there are 7 at your table. Sorry about your friend.

Oh how exciting. I hope it all goes well & you have a lovely Christmas 🎄

I don't think babies who don't go to childcare should count anyway. They're not exactly out there mixing & mingling on their own!!

Gosh, in these circumstances I would absolutely invite your friend.

We live in Tier 2, family of 4. My in laws are already dropping big hints about being on their own at Christmas, my aunt too and my mother. They're all in their late 70s and 80s and not bothered about the rules, which makes it even harder, especially as both DCs' schools and classes have several positive cases...

I'm a rule follower, and particularly with regard to Covid. But there are some times when we have to use our common sense and compassion, and I believe this is one of those cases.

If everyone had stuck to the guidance and rules then we wouldn't have restrictions for christmas. Breaking the rules is selfish

I would go ahead with your plans, it6ehat I think loads will be doing. However I would also be prepared things will likely have changed by Christmas anyway. Where I am we have just gone into tier 2 even though rates are well below the trigger of 100 per 100k, so if things stay the same, the best we can do at Christmas is go for a walk with my parents!

More objection to this, to be honest. It’s within the rules but far more likely to spread infection.

Yeah, I tend to agree with this, not sure you've got the infection control idea quite as well there, AlwaysLatte

I should have said, I know we can't make firm plans really, but dsis and niece seemed like a safe bet because we are her support bubble. I've got no idea about whether we can form 2 support bubbles at the same time though. We will definitely be sensible whatever happens and have been pretty much throughout.

Just so gutted for my friend. She's spent 8 years caring for her mother through alzheimer's. He mum died in May. And now this. Cancer really is the shittiest. I have no words that can adequately express my anger.

I don't think you'll have to be worried op. Bojo knows that if there are restrictions over the Christmas period (maybe excluding new years) that he'll probably have riots on his hands next. You can probably even have your mum and dad round.

@Whatafustercluck

I don’t understand what your neighbours have got to do with this??

@Laaalaaaa because neighbours are being encouraged to report rule breaking by the government. I don't think they would, I hasten to add, but he works for the ambulance service and has strong views about Covid and rule breaking.

You’re overthinking this far too much. I really don’t think anybody is going to care how many people you have round on Christmas Day. I live in Scotland and we are currently banned from household visitors - the cars outside neighbours houses show nobody is adhering to this and equally nobody is giving a shit.

@AlwaysLatte

We're doing it in small groups over an extended 3 day Christmas - so 6 one day, 6 another day and so on. But if your friend bubbled with you as a single person can then surely she can then come at Christmas without any rule breaking anyway?

Well, no because she's counted in the household number. (OP. DH 2 kids & friend equals 5) Dsis & niece will be 7 (not 6)

I'd still do it though.

To be honest I think the circumstances would be something that would be accepted. I dont think the government are managing any of this well at all to the point where people don't give two monkeys about the rules. Personally, I dont celebrate Christmas so it'll be a normal day in front of the TV for me, but if I were in your position then I would do the same.

I think Sunak said something about reviewing rules over Christmas anyway so watch this space. I suspect they already know people will do as they please so will position something to make it look like they've got control of the situation and everyone looks to be law abiding.

Humanity trumps following the rules for me, every time. YANBU in the slightest; wishing strength and love to your friend, to you and your family.

I imagine a lot of people of are doing the same op

I’m Merseyside so as it stands we shouldn’t be seeing anybody outside out household full stop. But I’ll be having my Mum and Dad around on Christmas Day. End of discussion!

My kids are going to ExH's for Xmas. I'm going to my auntie and uncle's house, there'll be them my 3 cousins, my grandad and my auntie's dad. My own dad passed away, my mum lives abroad and this is the first Xmas I'll have without my children with me. Am I fuck spending it in my house alone.

@joystir59 thank you and I am so sorry for your loss.