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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say to hell with the rule of 6 this Christmas

214 replies

Whatafustercluck · 17/10/2020 08:11

We've been having discussions about who we should have over this Christmas should the rule of 6 still be in place in our region. We had talked to family and my parents wanted my dsis and niece to be able to spend Christmas with us, so the DC can at least be together. Ad a result, they've made alternative plans just the 2 of them. Dsis and her family will do something on their own because she and bil normally do anyway. So, our Christmas was going to be me, dh, our 2 dc, dsis and niece.

Since then, a good friend of ours has told us she has been having tests for ovarian cancer. The medical professionals have prepared her for the worst. The mass is huge. She is preparing herself to be told it's terminal and has already said she will not be having chemo or radiotherapy if it is stage 3. She's completely on her on her own on what could well be her last Christmas. We spoke yesterday and have invited her, meaning we will be 7 this Christmas. She has accepted, saying she doesn't care about shielding and is happy to take the risk.

Our neighbours are lovely and I think would totally understand if we explain. We just couldn't let her be on her own this Christmas after this news and the totally awful year she's already had. Likewise we cannot/ don't want to uninvite dsis.

Aibu?

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/10/2020 11:08

So sorry about your friend, Op. And yes, in the circs I’d ignore the 6 rule too.

If it’ll OK to meet family indoors at Christmas anyway, I’m certainly not going to count Gdc 3, who won’t even be 12 months by then, and without whom we’d be just 6.

Given that it’d be fine to mix with the older Gdcs, who are at primary school every day and far more likely to pick up anything that’s going, I cannot see the logic in banning ourselves because of a baby.

Generally we have stuck to the rules, wear masks, haven’t been to a pub or restaurant for months, but in this case I will stick two unrepentant fingers up.

Antonov · 17/10/2020 11:09

I would like to know where we stand.

There are 5 of us and we will be joined by DMIL. So far so good - just 6. Sometime in the early hours Father Christmas will join us, though we do not intend to be in the same room together. It is well ventilated - it has a nice wide chimney. I am worried about breaking the rules though, especially as he is in the over-75 vulnerable category.

LynseyLou1982 · 17/10/2020 11:11

Yes just invite your friend you can't let her be on her own. This whole snitch on your neighbours idea is sinister and sneaky and makes me feel really uncomfortable.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/10/2020 11:11

OP, you are coming across as an apologist for religious fanaticism.

AlternativePerspective · 17/10/2020 11:11

And people blame the government for the increase in figures? When actually everyone who says “oh we’re going to let in one extra,” or “we’re not going to follow the rules” are the ones responsible for the increase in cases.

Christmas is a day. People are perfectly capable of having it at home without needing to infect several other people with COVID (merry Christmas anyone?)

Given there were lockdowns in areas on the night before Iede, something which caused a huge amount of upset in the Muslim community, I think that relaxing the rules especially for Christmas would make a very definite statement.

Added to which, either COVID is here and needs to be contained, or it isn’t. You can’t just say “oh to hell with the transmission today, eat drink and be merry, just make sure you go back to not mixing households tomorrow.”

If they relax the rules for Christmas they might as well just throw everyone to the wolves on this one, because once people can relax the rules once, they’ll take the attitude that “well, it was alright for Christmas, so why not new year? Oh wait, it’s my auntie’s granny’s second cousin’s birthday, we can’t miss that.... Wait, we’ve been out and about several times now, no point going back to how things were....”.

OP I’m sorry to hear about your friend, but unless she’s actually had a terminal diagnosis and been told this will be her last Christmas, I do hope that you haven’t written her off already....

I would have thought that as she’s likely to be on Chemo she will be immune suppressed and be told to isolate anyway.

rubywooooo · 17/10/2020 11:13

Fabulous. Just fucking fabulous.

To those of you selfish fuckers that think you can & will do just what you like regardless of the rules, just look at the photos of these poor women they have been robbed of a future due to Covid.

Cancer sufferer dead at 31 after her chemo was 'paused' due to Covid
mol.im/a/8848991

Go have your one day. Fucking bravo 👏🏻 God help the NHS in January, if any of you get the Covid or any relatives pass away in dire conditions at least you had your one day of Christmas eh ?

And OP... if your friends isn't terminal & it is possible she can survive & she needs chemotherapy or whatever, your actions may well prevent her from getting the treatment she so desperately needs just like these women were denied what they needed.

Hope you will all be proud of yourselves when the NHS is on it's knees in January... but FUCK to that it's Christmas?!

Fools.

rubywooooo · 17/10/2020 11:15

Here are the photos.

Enjoy your Christmas 🎄

Be merry 👏🏻

To say to hell with the rule of 6 this Christmas
ReneeRol · 17/10/2020 11:15

I can't believe some people are actually suggesting to leave her on her own because she would be one person extra. Some peoples dedication to the rules is such that they lose their empathy, compassion, reason and humanity.

HelloMissus · 17/10/2020 11:20

In the ‘fight to save lives’ many have lost their humanity.

TheFormattingIsWrong · 17/10/2020 11:20

Everyone else who's just thinking 'fuck it, it's Christmas! I bet everyone else is doing it!' and having more than 6 people round (yes, including kids in numbers) is a twat, though.

And yet in Wales and Scotland children aren't included, so do you admit that it is illogical that they are in England? Or is it for a scientific reason?

wwud12 · 17/10/2020 11:21

How is anyone able to go anywhere if houses can't mix? Our group would be 8, 3 different households. Even if we missed out the GPS which wouldn't happen, that would mean 6 but from two households. So still against the rules.

TheFormattingIsWrong · 17/10/2020 11:21

Cancer sufferer dead at 31 after her chemo was 'paused' due to Covid

Well it didn't need to be paused. It was completely unnecessary. The NHS was never overwhelmed. She could have been treated. Who do you want to blame for that?

ReneeRol · 17/10/2020 11:21

As for trying to blame people who don't abandon vulnerable people in the name of covid for a woman dying of cancer because she was refused treatment in the name of covid... You know Ruby, thats the health service refusing to do it's job. They had plenty of time to organise to ensure that everybody got necessary treatment - most countries have achieved that.

TheFormattingIsWrong · 17/10/2020 11:22

How is anyone able to go anywhere if houses can't mix? Our group would be 8, 3 different households. Even if we missed out the GPS which wouldn't happen, that would mean 6 but from two households. So still against the rules.

Who is going to stop them? Do you think the police will be knocking on people's doors and counting them?

Original poster
Whatafustercluck · 17/10/2020 11:23

OP, you are coming across as an apologist for religious fanaticism.

Huh? 🤔

OP posts:
TheFormattingIsWrong · 17/10/2020 11:23

They had plenty of time to organise to ensure that everybody got necessary treatment - most countries have achieved that.

Yes, and frankly the state the NHS is in has got nothing to do with rule "flouters" and everything to do with chronic underfunding by the tory government.

AdoptAdaptImprove · 17/10/2020 11:24

@ReneeRol

I can't believe some people are actually suggesting to leave her on her own because she would be one person extra. Some peoples dedication to the rules is such that they lose their empathy, compassion, reason and humanity.
I haven’t suggested that and I don’t think anyone else has. It would be better to invite this friend only and not the other relatives, to minimise the risk to a person already very sick, and to allow for proper social distancing. I could certainly manage a Christmas Day at my home for two people from different households - opposite end of the table and separate sofas on opposite sides of my living room, with a window open as much as the weather allows. But I couldn’t do it for another household as well. And I wouldn’t bring a school age person near my sick friend given she’s been exposed without distancing to lots of people.

Those of us talking about reining in Christmas this year aren’t doing it because we don’t care about people. It’s precisely because we do care that we don’t want to see anyone’s risk increased for the sake of a party.

TheFormattingIsWrong · 17/10/2020 11:25

It’s precisely because we do care that we don’t want to see anyone’s risk increased for the sake of a party.

Yes, you care about covid but about little else.

AdoptAdaptImprove · 17/10/2020 11:27

@TheFormattingIsWrong

It’s precisely because we do care that we don’t want to see anyone’s risk increased for the sake of a party.

Yes, you care about covid but about little else.

No. I care about the people I’d otherwise have round my table - four over 70s, two with heart disease, one also a cancer survivor, another with diabetes and one with a history of bronchial problems.
TheFormattingIsWrong · 17/10/2020 11:31

No. I care about the people I’d otherwise have round my table - four over 70s, two with heart disease, one also a cancer survivor, another with diabetes and one with a history of bronchial problems

But you're effectively saying that I should care more about your relatives who are vulnerable to covid than my mother, who is widowed, but not allowed to bubble with us under Tier 2 because she lives with my adult sister, who has severe mental health problems which have been hugely exacerbated due to the loss of her livelihood thanks to covid.

Well I'm sorry but I don't. I'll be seeing them over Christmas.

Crystal87 · 17/10/2020 11:34

Yes I'd do it. I wouldn't be having 20 people but one extra person who's had a tough year and would otherwise be alone, yes. And I doubt your neighbours would notice or care.

redcarbluecar · 17/10/2020 11:36

Why not just quietly do as you wish? Hosting your friend sounds like a kind gesture- it's not a case of declaring 'to hell with the rule of 6'; just something you've personally decided to do. I'm sure that at the same time a lot of people will be changing plans to accommodate the rule, so that should be respected too.

I also suspect that BJ will make some grandiose gesture at some point, relaxing the Xmas Day rules so that he can come across as some benevolent Santa Claus 'giving' Christmas to us all.

JinglingHellsBells · 17/10/2020 11:37

@Whatafustercluck Could you explain why you brought this to a forum for opinions?

In your mind, you have made a decision. You want your friend to come.

Why do you need other unknown people to say that's okay?

Is it because deep down you know it's wrong, but you want other people to tell you it's really okay?

Why do you need assurance from others? What does the rest of your family think- your partner and the other people who will make up the 6?

I don't know what you hoped to achieve other than some salve for your conscience as you know it's against the rules.

cassgate · 17/10/2020 11:39

@TheNewLook

We are going ahead as normal. There will be 12 of us from 3 households. No-one is vulnerable.

In your situation I wouldn’t think twice.

Snap. We are 12 from 3 households too. We will be having a normal family Xmas. We all see each other on a weekly basis anyway in varying numbers so there is no more risk to any of us seeing each other on Xmas day than at any other time.
wwud12 · 17/10/2020 11:40

@TheFormattingIsWrong no however if you have neighbours like I have then I have no doubt the Covid police would be called.