Cried in front of her-can’t control her

[Minttea77]

My Dd 2.5 years has started to have mammoth meltdowns, I spend my whole day stopping her from doing things she shouldn’t, chucking everything everywhere and now she’s been refusing the afternoon nap, although is clearly tired. Yesterday she had a fit at her ballet lesson and stood in the corner crying and shouting at the teacher. This afternoon she refused to nap and just had the biggest meltdown I’ve seen, screaming and hitting me, I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and crying, god knows what the neighbours think.
I can’t carry on much longer, I barely get a break, I’m with her all day then go to teach when dp returns from work, we take it turns to sleep with her every other night and then the day starts all over again.
I’m ashamed she saw me cry and how angry I got with her, I picked her up and shouted at her, she’s barely heard me shout before.
Is this normal behaviour, how can you control it, really finding this so difficult.

• She’s 2.3 months

If take her out of 'lessons' anyway.

Do the super nanny route and just sit there and watch her tantrum? Just grey rock. Obviously not at lessons but at home.

Should clarify I'm not a parent yet so not saying it will work. Just didn't want to read and run.

Why do you sleep with her? She should be sleeping alone in her own bed, but if she is used to one of you being there, it's going to be a hard habit to break.

Unfortunately, 2 year olds are renowned for tantrums. Do not give in to her and this too shall pass.

@Heygirlheyboy It’s a fun little movement group for little ones, she initially enjoyed it but the teacher was fairly strict, I’m thinking to stop going, I just thought she’d enjoy it.

Everyone loses it now and again. Please don’t be rough on yourself.

How is her sleep? Sounds quite bad - does she still nap at all? Also - How is her speech? I found 2 year olds who can’t express themselves properly often have tantrums.

Most kids have tantrums, it’s very very normal. Don’t despair

Little kids NEED strictness, they need boundaries, it's how they feel safe. They need to know that they're not in control, that someone else is calling the shots, otherwise they end up overwhelmed and insecure and that manifests as bad behaviour.

You need to put rules in place, and consequences for them, and you need to get her in her own room!

@LadyLoungeALot So hard not to give in in a sense as she was stood in her bedroom steaming and shouting and crying because she wanted to go downstairs and not nap. It’s so hard as without that nap, she’s even worse.
All our problems are around sleep or lack of, hence the sleeping with her as it’s the only way we get any sleep. Really not enjoying being a parent at the moment at all. I’m usually very strong and patient, today I just lost it and cried.

2.5 year old at ballet lessons?

Are you sure that's realistic?

Poor ballet teacher.

@Comtesse That’s the thing, she speaks very very well, so she’s not frustrated as is able to convey what she means. She was crazed today and nothing would calm her down, never seen her like that.

Have you sought any help? I know health visitors get bad press on here but they can put you in touch with surestart.
Recent tantrums have included me asking her to eat a sandwich. I know, I know, horrible!
I tend now to just cuddle her and shush and say
"I know you feel [disappointed/upset/etc] because [whatever happened], I love you" and just keep soothing her until she's calm enough to distract". She's nearly three and they're getting more frequent

Strict teacher for a group of 2 year olds is the last thing you need right now. I'd cut yourself some slack and stop that class for a bit. Could you get out for a walk with the buggy in the afternoon? Combination of walking and fresh air might get her to have a nap in the buggy and you could either lift her into bed or leave her when you get home?

OP it is hard when they've got challenging behaviour. Please try not to be too hard on yourself! Shouting isn't great but I'm pretty sure we've all been there (I know I have and I've felt mortified).

I tried reading how to talk so children listen - I've honestly found it so helpful in understanding what's going on in their heads and how you can communicate W effectively and discourage the behaviour you're finding difficult.

Recommend reading this book and if you can make time to do stuff you like once a day that'll help - sounds like you have a packed schedule but doing things you like will help you recharge. Sorry if patronising but it is literally the first thing I drop when times are tough and it definitely shows in my patience levels!

@Nandakanda It’s a fun dance/ballet class for 2-3 year olds, I assumed would be good for movement and socialising (where I am all playgrounds, soft play, toddler groups closed, there’s nothing for them)

Feeling like I’m failing as a mum recently

The best bit of parenting advice I ever received was that everything is a phase. Everything passes. You just need to hang on in there but believe me, I know it’s easier said than done.

Don’t be hard on yourself for losing the plot. It happens. She won’t remember it.

Dd drove me to this once when she was four. Four was a year I like to forget. I grabbed her hand and dragged her round to the neighbours to apologise for my shouting and her screaming. Neighbour asked her why sh'ed made mummy cry. It never escalated that far again. Think we were both embarrassed.

Dd only got like this when tired or not being able to explain what she wanted. I'd ditch the lessons. Dd did dance from almost 3 but it was more play and pay as you go. If she wasnt feeling it we weren't obliged to turn up. Thank god.

Dd needed space to run and be loud. It meant she was more chilled in the house.
2.3 is still a baby really. Try to get her in a good sleep routine, and you need your sleep too!

First child by any chance?

Don't worry we've all been there! Don't be hard on yourself! I've gone round the corner for a cry many times!
They are lovely at 2 aren't they! Don't worry there is also a stubborn wilful streak they have again at age 4! 🤣

@veraismyspiritanimal That obvious? First and only child after 9 years of waiting.

God, I feel so shit for shouting at her, really bad.

@ivfbeenbusy I know, but she saw me crying, surely she shouldn’t see the situation has upset me like that.

I need to deal with it better and I need to be stricter now.

Meh, I shout at my three year old about 5000 times a day. Not aggressively, she’s an adored child, but she’s incredibly wilful and raising my voice the only way she will listen to me. Otherwise she just full on ignores me.

@Minttea77

My DD also much longed for and I never dreamt I'd lose my shit the way I do now! (Not infront of her obviously 🤣 I've sworn into the kitchen cupboards many times and also learnt to swear in several different languages!)

The times my DD has caught me crying has actually made her stop what she was doing and she'd come and say sorry and be good as gold then. (Until the next time!)

She’s far too young for Ballet lessons. Come on op She’s not even 2.5.
She’s only a little baby. The fact that she’s having meltdowns there must tell you she’s not happy. Plus it’s not fair on the teacher either.

Also please do not be too hard on yourself. Any one who tells you they’ve never yelled at the kids and had a weep about how overwhelming things can be they’re lying hounds. This is the real world with real issues pressures worries chAllenges not the world of Mr Tumble.

Also been there, got the T-shirt etc etc. We all have days like that.

I found the best book for me was ‘Toddler Taming’. It gave really good practical advice, and I found it helped a lot.