Cried in front of her-can’t control her

[Minttea77]

My Dd 2.5 years has started to have mammoth meltdowns, I spend my whole day stopping her from doing things she shouldn’t, chucking everything everywhere and now she’s been refusing the afternoon nap, although is clearly tired. Yesterday she had a fit at her ballet lesson and stood in the corner crying and shouting at the teacher. This afternoon she refused to nap and just had the biggest meltdown I’ve seen, screaming and hitting me, I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and crying, god knows what the neighbours think.
I can’t carry on much longer, I barely get a break, I’m with her all day then go to teach when dp returns from work, we take it turns to sleep with her every other night and then the day starts all over again.
I’m ashamed she saw me cry and how angry I got with her, I picked her up and shouted at her, she’s barely heard me shout before.
Is this normal behaviour, how can you control it, really finding this so difficult.

@poulter I have one of those. I used to joke about hiring a dog exercise field for an hour a day so she could just run herself tired once a day. She just runs and runs and runs and if we don't get out to do that she bounces off the walls literally and bedtime is a ballache.

I think you're being too hard on yourself. Dd2 could be very challenging at that age. In fact dd1 too after dd2 was born due to jealousy. By the time they were at school the teachers were saying how well behaved they were and even as teenagers they've been fine. Shouting once is nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion. I know i did it. Obviously if it was too regular that wouldn't be good.
I remember reading a book called Little Angels by Dr Tanya Byron and it being helpful. Also Divas and Dictators was good.

Sorry to vent my own frustration on this thread, but I just finished having a massive crying Jag myself, in front of DH and DS (14 months) myself. Ugh!! So am cleaning the house before I sit to work and the nanny comes home (hate having her see the pig sty we live in). The cleaning and setting things in order takes almost half an hour since my little hurricane goes through every single room. And I come upstairs to relieve DH so that he sits to work - and I see DS upend a salt shaker which DH was not even aware, was in his office, and starting to lick it. When I take it off him, he proceeds to eat DH's slippers which for some unknown reason are not actually on his feet, while he has his laptop switched on and working in his home office..
So now I have to either bloody bring the hoover upstairs or use the hand brush to clean the carpet and remove the salt, while the Nanny is almost at the door. Yelled at DS, yelled at DH, finished apologising to both for losing it and burst into tears - with DH patting me on my head and telling me not to stress.. God, at times like these I wish I wasn't living with two specimens of the male species..

When my DS would start a tantrum I would ignore him (within reason) when he got worse I would silently sit next to him and stroke his hair or hold his hand. He learned that his tantrums got him nowhere. Once he'd calmed down I'd talk to him about it. Hes now 4 and still has the odd tantrum here or there but he knows if we take him someone and he tantrums bad we just go straight home. Don't get me wrong, even though I'd ignore the tantrum on the inside I was a mess. It will get better.

Not quite a toddler, but I'm sure other parents have felt this

Please don't 'grey rock' toddlers in meltdown. That's an appropriate response for controlling, abusive narcissists, not distressed infants.

Stay close, be a calm and reassuring presence. Don't try to communicate verbally and don't give in to demands.

When they are calm enough, offer hugs and, if the child is old enough, explain the emotions they have just experiences and debrief to work out together what could have helped/been done differently.

Meltdowns are distressing emotional experiences and small children need their care-givers to support them, not pretend they don't matter or even exist.

I just laughed at them and told them they were being silly, no tantrums with me, can't stand it, so didn't put up with it, there's no need.
Grey rock or laugh. Worked for us, with all 3.

That's wonderful Devlesko. You appear to have successfully taught your children not to bother you with their emotions because they will either be laughed at, or ignored. Perfect for you, for now. Let's see how it plays out when you're old and wanting/needing attention yourself.

I just laughed at them and told them they were being silly, no tantrums with me

That's not a marker of success.

Children only need to learn that tantrums don't get them what they want. They don't need to learn that people they care about find their distress funny or insignificant.

OP you need to forgive yourself for showing your emotions. You are human, not robot & doing your best. My advise is to try & not over complicate communication when she’s having a tantrum. Say things like “I can see your feeling really angry, it’s ok to be angry” or Try saying “You are mad. You are mad because you want to stay up and I won’t let you.” It will help soothe her by labelling emotions. Also give her simple choices like a choice between two books before her nap, it will make her feel like she has more control over the situation.