To ask what they didn't tell you about pregnancy/child birth?

[PossiblyPattio]

I'm long past the age of being able to have a baby but i'm hoping that a thread to share our experiences could be helpful

I only have one DD and I remember being scared as shit when Lochia happened!! Nobody told me it would happen and I thought I was going to die

Oh the bleeding can be frightening I agree

What springs to mind with me is that not only can you poo in labour but then afterwards suffer faecal impaction which is beyond horrific. I can remember literally trying to pick poo out of my bottom while still bleeding profusely (my second child was only a few days old and she was in a baby bouncer in the bathroom with me as I could not leave the room)
I Had to have glycerine suppositories and the pain was so bad I think some neighbours who didn’t know I’d already had my daughter may have thought I’d gone into labour with her

Oh and how weird it feels when your stomach no longer has a baby in it. I really missed my big baby bumps all three times and had a little cry in the bath on my own, it was something I didn’t expect.

No one ever said that an episiotomy can be agonising without anaesthetic, and that nearly 6 years on its still painful sometimes.

That HV are pretty much useless and it’s better to find info yourself for any baby queries etc.

During labour I was in so much pain I was delirious, couldn’t see properly, or speak but I’ve never heard another woman say they experienced this.

If you have PCOS breast feeding is much tougher and can be impossible.

If someone had told me that my DD would not have screamed through her first six days of life before being taken back into hospital and had a tube put in her nose to feed her.

Just thinking about it makes me feel angry and sad.

That the "rush of love" might not happen and it doesn't make you a shit Mum.

That having a wee will REALLY sting for weeks after even if you didn't have any stitches.
That there's such a thing as anal fissures (undiagnosed in my case) and feeling like you are passing glass and blood everytime you need a no.2 for 2 months after is not a normal part of recovery regardless of what you get told by others.

That your nipples can get really sore if you're BF.

Oh and the after pains!

If you have PCOS breast feeding is much tougher and can be impossible.

This! So much this! Add in an undiagnosed tongue tie and it's beyond hideous!

And while I'm on the subject, tongue tie! Who the fuck knew about that?! Will be getting it checked before I leave hospital next time.

The utter RAGE at my husband that can come with exhaustion. I detested him with flashes of white hot anger for being shit. He didn't mean to be shit. He just couldn't read my mind, didn't listen when I told him what I needed, and didn't have working tits

That you have the ‘afterbirth’ of the placenta. I honestly had no idea this happened after labour and when the midwife said you’ll need gas and air for the afterbirth I was like ‘huh?!? I’ve already had the baby!’ I was completely oblivious as no one had told me!

Also agree with a pp that you may not get the immediate ‘rush of love’ and it’s totally ok. I actually had several days/weeks of omg what have we done, we were perfectly fine without a baby, this was a terrible idea! Luckily that feeling fades over time!

How dangerous Hyperemesis gravidarum is.

It almost killed me and I had never heard of it.

That health visitors are utterly useless.

Maternal mental health isn't a priority. That needs to change.

I was going to come on say the Lochia! I had my first child when I was 19, nearly 20 years ago, and the bleeding after was so unexpected!

During labour I was in so much pain I was delirious, couldn’t see properly, or speak but I’ve never heard another woman say they experienced this.

Yep, me too!

Oh loads! I was so naive.

I didn’t realise contractions got more painful! I had the first couple, thought I was super hero strong and would be fine 😣😳 a while later I realised my mistake. @fromheretothemoon I was totally delirious with pain towards the end. Was desperate for pain relief but couldn’t talk to ask and so didn’t get any! I turned into a feral beast and was crawling and flailing naked to try to get someone to do something but clearly not making myself understood! This time I’m going to get one of DHs t shirts, write GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL on it and put it on as soon as I have the first contraction.

I had no clue breastfeeding would be painful or could be difficult.

Tbh it’s pain all round really. I remember crying at my husband that I just wanted a night of sleep and a day of no pain. That was after several weeks. I was so delusional about how much of a treat having a newborn would be.

That having a C-section might lead to baby being full of phlegm and liquid and sound like they're struggling to breathe when feeding. And that this could last weeks.

How long and boring parts of labour were. My dd had moved into the birth control and I couldn’t help but start pushing, so thought that was it. Was rather surprised when the gynaecologist said she'd be back in an hour!

That it can go on for days. I had first contractions on a Thursday. Got all excited. He was born on Monday evening. I was exhausted.

During labour I was in so much pain I was delirious, couldn’t see properly, or speak but I’ve never heard another woman say they experienced this

me too! I didnt speak to my DH for hours as i was too busy rocking and counting in my head- it was the only way i could deal with the pain. All i was offerd was a paracetemol!

That having a C-section might lead to baby being full of phlegm and liquid and sound like they're struggling to breathe when feeding. And that this could last weeks

This one too- i had a c section with my 2nd (breech) and she had to spend the night in neonatal as she had so much fluid on her chest. To this day, shes still a kid who gets phlegmy coughs at the drop of a hat, and with my completely made up medical degree, i've linked the two.

That the hormone drop with breastfeeding can give you menopause like symptoms

How good an epidural was, great invention!

Anyone else get cold sweats on their feet after? All three births (and one miscarriage but not all miscarriages) a day or two after I would wake up with wet feet!

Also after pains in second (or more) pregnancies.

I thought there was something hideously wrong

I’m in hospital with my second, just been told she has a heart murmur, which apparently happens with 60% of newborns! Who knew?!

After pains / contractions.

With DS I had such a poorly baby I can't remember them but after the twins... JESUS!!!!! Thank thee nurses for oramorph!!

How long and relentless early labour can be. Days of irregular contractions that hurt enough to stop me sleeping, but didnt do much to get baby out.

Also that you could break your tailbone during birth! Didn't find out it was a 'thing' until it happened to me. Ouch.

How little control you have.

Honestly, I'm unsure how some of the stuff mentioned here could be missed. A basic birthing class, baby book, or looking at some pregnancy websites tells you about pooing in labour, lochia etc.

I was surprised by how common a c section overhang is, but pleasantly surprised but how easy I found recovery. I was surprised that sex could still be painful after a section birth (tummy/incision felt fine) and that the anti clotting medication stung going in.

The haemorrhoids! Absolutely horrendous, like shitting broken glass - the episiotomy paled into insignificance by comparison.

And how much breast feeding hurts! The toe-curling agony of a baby gumming your cracked and bleeding nipples. The thought still makes me shudder 14 years after I last breastfed a baby.

The despair and frustration and exhaustion and feeling of failure when your baby that WILL NOT stop screaming no matter what you do.

There was good stuff to of course, but those are the things that stick in my mind.

That after pains are just as painful as labour, without the gas and air. I felt like I was dying.