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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what they didn't tell you about pregnancy/child birth?

233 replies

PossiblyPattio · 13/10/2020 11:40

I'm long past the age of being able to have a baby but i'm hoping that a thread to share our experiences could be helpful Smile

I only have one DD and I remember being scared as shit when Lochia happened!! Nobody told me it would happen and I thought I was going to die Blush

OP posts:
CrystalPalaceMa · 13/10/2020 15:35

Shite postnatal "care". Not having DH there due to Covid.

That your body won't go anywhere near back to normal and definitely not for at least a year!

Joint pain, hair loss, carpal tunnel.

IBS!!!

Mother Nature is a bitch.

Tunnocks34 · 13/10/2020 15:38

That incontinence after labour isn’t purely bladder related.

For about three weeks after my middle son was born, I shit myself daily because I just didn’t know I needed to go, until I was going. I was terrified it was permanent, and didn’t know that whilst not common, it’s also more rare to have this.

Thankfully it’s all sorted now!

AriesTheRam · 13/10/2020 15:39

That the epidural can wear off!

Laiste · 13/10/2020 15:39

A lighter note: The quantity of water when your water breaks. Ye gods!

With my last we were all in a v small delivery room and DH and midwife were paddling in it! In fact one of my last clear memories of that night was the midwife cheerfully observing that the floor must be really uneven because my waters had gone wall to wall but was actually quite a bit deeper on one side of the room than the other ShockShock

AriesTheRam · 13/10/2020 15:43

That I didn't dare poo as the pushing gave me flashbacks of labour 😅

suki32 · 13/10/2020 15:44

I didn't know that peeing before, during or after birth was super important. I left the hospital with a newborn and a catheter.

Albgo · 13/10/2020 15:50

@Tootsey11 yes, it's scary! I didn't have any of the typical pre-eclampsia symptoms (and those that I did have were dismissed by my midwife).
I still felt fine even when I was vomiting and on the mag drip prior to my emergency c-section.

Greeneyes78 · 13/10/2020 15:53

That I would vomit from start the finish.

That the doctor might need to help my cervix along manually. Fuck me, I’ll never forget that.

That going for poo would be a lot easier if I just sort of put a hand on my vagina and pressed it. Hard to explain that one.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 13/10/2020 15:54

That you don't stop caring and lose all dignity! Everyone said I would, I wouldn't care if I was stripped naked in front of loads of people etc. Well I did. I was in so much pain with constant contractions and a back to back baby. I still wanted my dignity to remain though.

UnicornAndSparkles · 13/10/2020 15:57

That you can't have a c section for failure to progress without trying everything else - ventouse and forceps - as pushing the baby back up could cause irreparable damage to mum. I preusmed after 2h of pushing I'd be allowed an EMCS, but no such luck.

AngryFeminist · 13/10/2020 15:57

@Reassuranceneeded14 if it's a fissure, you have my empathy. I had one too and remember sobbing every time I had a shit, feeling like I was pushing out a bramble branch. I had to go to the gp and refuse to leave until I had a referral to an outpatient clinic, where they gave me steroid cream that did the trick. Before that I got the Anusol anaesthetic suppositories over the counter which helped with the after-poo pain if not the during-poo pain, and washed with water after every time I went to the loo.

MoonDelay · 13/10/2020 16:06

Not childbirth itself but on the ward afterwards, the leaflets and a stream of people pulling open the curtains CONSTANTLY when you're trying to get a few minutes rest or kip.

Here's a bunch of leaflets, here's another bunch of leaflets. Have you got this leaflet? Here, have this leaflet. There are some leaflets here that you can take a look at. I'm just going to leave these leaflets with you

Just fuck OFF!!

I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm in pain, I don't want any fucking leaflets. I probably won't read them anyway!!

Laiste · 13/10/2020 16:09

@Greeneyes78 - That going for poo would be a lot easier if I just sort of put a hand on my vagina and pressed it. Hard to explain that one.

Yes! Your perenium (sp?) (the bit of skin between your bum and your vag) gets stretched when you have a baby and then hasn't the strength any more to go back to being a strong wall between your vagina and your rectum. So as your muscles push a poo down it gets to that bit and then just goes out of line and sort of off sideways and feels stuck.

As you poo if you put your fingers there and press gently it keeps the poo on track and helps with the squeeze out Grin

I found this out myself by accident one day months after my first baby. It should be on big posters in maternity wards!

ShirleyPhallus · 13/10/2020 16:09

Just how much focus there is on the pregnancy and labour and how little focus there is on the actual child. I had no idea to give her vitamin d drops, for example

Hardbackwriter · 13/10/2020 16:11

@ShirleyPhallus

Just how much focus there is on the pregnancy and labour and how little focus there is on the actual child. I had no idea to give her vitamin d drops, for example
This was my big shock too. I sort of realised the day after I'd given birth that I'd spent the last three or four months learning about, preparing for and doing research on something that lasted about 18 hours and now that was over and I knew basically nothing about the next 18 years and there wasn't any help or classes for that...
batteriesgoing · 13/10/2020 16:14

Nobody told me about the after pains

Ralphiesaurus · 13/10/2020 16:23

That labour pains would be surprisingly fine after years of dysmenorrhea, but the panic of a threatened CS, failed ventouse and forceps would be worse. That a third degree tear is exactly that - being ripped open. That if you don't bleed quite enough to count as a haemorrhage you still lose enough blood to be very ill indeed. That midwives would shout at you for crying in the shower. That no one would be available for postnatal care because of your postcode. That your baby would almost die from dehydration and you wouldn't be able to walk - until being readmitted eventually for emergency treatment. That this is NOT normal. That two social workers cross-examining you before allowing you home again about whether your baby was "wanted" was unfair.

That eventually you would get an apology from the head of midwifery, trauma counselling, and acknowledgement that this was not remotely normal.

And that you would realise you were in fact a complete badass and no one would ever ever be able to hurt you or your baby (now almost 16).

And that somehow, beyond all imagining, you would survive two miscarriages and have another, healthy, child.

Pumpertrumper · 13/10/2020 16:25

OMG I LOVE THIS THREAD

Mainly because it’s made me realise I wasn’t just an underprepared idiot.

How dangerous Hyperemesis gravidarum is. It almost killed me and I had never heard of it YES!!!!

Night sweats?!?!? I thought I’d wet myself the first night home.

The bleeding?!?!?! Holy shit I thought I was actually dying. It was everywhere all the time.

The clotting?!?! Apparently it was ‘normal’ I beg to disagree.

The piles?!?! DS is 7 months and I still have them.

The after pains?!?!? (Especially if breast feeding)

The breast feeding hunger?!?!! OMG I have never eaten so much or gotten so hangry in my life. DH tried to remove the packet of chocolate digestives after I’d eaten 2/3 and I almost took his hand off Grin
Feeling like you’ve got a plum up your vagina that’s threatening to fall out?!?! But knowing deep down that it’s your post birth cervix and trying not to sneeze incase it actually comes out. Don’t google prolapse. Don’t do it.
The first poo?!?! Scarier than birth itself. Was sure I’d rip my stitches. Made DH sit outside the door whilst I cried and freaked out on the loo. Just incase my vagina fell out and he had to call an ambulance.

Generally felt like I’d been hit by a bus for about 10 days.

DS is now 7 months and I’m newly pregnant Grin

ShirleyPhallus · 13/10/2020 16:39

Oh yes and I’d agree that health visitors are totally useless

Better to google it, post on MN or call your GP

raspberryk · 13/10/2020 16:52

That at some point shortly after you have given birth, someone will probably stick a finger up your bum, and you won't even care.

And you didn’t question that? That’s not normal.

Soubriquet · 13/10/2020 16:53

@raspberryk

That at some point shortly after you have given birth, someone will probably stick a finger up your bum, and you won't even care.

And you didn’t question that? That’s not normal.

Was normal for me

I tore so they needed to check the tear hadn’t gone through to the anal region

They also popped up some long lasting paracetamol up there

nearertonature · 13/10/2020 16:55

That having kids destroys your breasts.

Or at least it did mine - they lost all of their firmness. Just floppy things now.

Kinkybutkind · 13/10/2020 17:09

That birth injuries can have catastrophic life changing consequences and no one will give two fucks about you.

That a midwife can fit her whole hand and arm up the elbow inside you, when trying to remove a stuck placenta after the cord snapped because she pulled so bloody hard.

That two very young adults in suits too big for them will ask you, in your post birth don’t even know my own name because I’m haemorrhaging so much; if they can please take your exceptional and gigantic placenta the midwife just ripped from your body away for scientific research. You won’t think to ask who decided to phone them instead of attending to your significant blood loss that will cause you to lose consciousness in 3... 2.....

BeTheHokeyMan · 13/10/2020 17:22

Breastfeeding for me was a shock ! Like others here I had no idea what it involved or how painful it was. I thought the baby automatically latched on and fed minutes after birth , drank it's fill and that was it for another few hours till it was due a feed again Blush In my defense no one in my family or friends group breastfed so I had no idea of the reality. It was simply too painful for me I couldn't bear the pain.

Also find the empty cold feeling after the bump is gone very weird it made me feel very sad for a few days. I have to also admit that I never realized how helpful getting up and walking during contractions could be . On my first and second I was made to stay in bed and not move , but on my third I was encouraged to get up and walk. Thought the midwife was mad at first but it really helped. I paced the corridors up and down counting the square tiles it became almost hynoptic and really helped move baby down and move things along

weegiemum · 13/10/2020 17:29

I knew I would bleed, but had no idea how much! When I stood up after my stitches I thought I was dying!

That feeling of "I'll never walk again!"

How hard and fast pnd can hit - I went down on day 3 and didn't come back up for months, I needed lots of antidepressants and quite a lot of therapy to get better. I was on antidepressants from when Dd1 was a week old and was on them through pregnancy and bf twice more.