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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what they didn't tell you about pregnancy/child birth?

233 replies

PossiblyPattio · 13/10/2020 11:40

I'm long past the age of being able to have a baby but i'm hoping that a thread to share our experiences could be helpful Smile

I only have one DD and I remember being scared as shit when Lochia happened!! Nobody told me it would happen and I thought I was going to die Blush

OP posts:
DressingGownofDoom · 13/10/2020 13:06

@Takemetothebar

I’m also really shocked that some women on here didn’t know about lochia or that the placenta would need delivering! Did you miss biology at school, not read any books, not go to any classes or anything?

The only thing that surprised me was as someone else said, that the wave of love doesn’t wash over every woman immediately.

I think it's maybe just that hearing about it and experiencing it first hand are so very different. Everyone knows you'll be tired after but nothing can prepare for you the level of tiredness you'll feel whilst also caring for a tiny screaming babies every need, but feeling like you need to stay awake to watch them because you've seen so many posters about SIDS and you're terrified.

GrumpySausage · 13/10/2020 13:08

Oh and the smell! You're so smelly after. It's awe inspiring how the post birth stink that oozes from your pores for days

Yes! its a whole smell in itself- even times where i've been super sweaty and grubby, its never smelt like post birth whiff!

DressingGownofDoom · 13/10/2020 13:10

@Dillo10

Fuuuuuuuuuck I am 13 weeks and should not have read any of this ... Bleurgh

But also glad I did so that I can try and prepare mentally for what sounds like the most horrendous experience

If it helps, if I had to choose a day to live every day for the rest of my life, it would be the day my son was born. Lots of crappy bits but fucking hell, the good bits are unbelievable and they keep getting better as they grow older.

There's a reason so many of us go back to do it again, or try to (in my case!)

hammeringinmyhead · 13/10/2020 13:11

I did NCT and an NHS birth class. We were told we would bleed but I bled for about a month and nobody really explained the source. I also never covered childbirth in biology! I knew about it from mumsnet.

Trinpy · 13/10/2020 13:13

The after pains for me too. Tbf I do vaguely remembered my mum making a comment about the horrible pains when breastfeeding after I had my first, but as I had no pain I didn't really understand what she was talking about. Then I had my second and suddenly all became clear. I'm 9 weeks pg with baby no.3 and dreading the after pains already!!!

With dc1 no one told me how shit I would feel during the 1st trimester. I had always thought the difficult bit would be the last few weeks - they were absolute bliss by comparison!

It always makes me laugh when I watch anyone giving birth in films/sitcoms and they're there chatting away whilst pushing the baby the out. I couldn't have strung together a coherent sentence by that point let alone have been laying there coming out with snappy one-liners Grin.

RIPworkingmums · 13/10/2020 13:14

The after pains! I had no idea that would happen, the nurse told me they get worse with every baby apparently, although I’ve now had 3 and don’t think that’s true.

Also breastfeeding, I went to a few antenatal classes and they really pushed it but not once did they tell us how bloody difficult it is! My daughter had barely any milk for days as I had been convinced that formula was the devils work and I just could not get her to latch. I did persevere and it was much easier second and third time round but the first was a complete shock to me.

RIPworkingmums · 13/10/2020 13:14

Oh and how common PND is. I was too ashamed to ask for help and didn’t bond with my daughter for nearly a year before the fog finally lifted.

Meg631 · 13/10/2020 13:16

I didn’t know about:
Night sweats
When you wee you can’t feel anything for a while
The feeling you get when you have delivered the baby and for the next few days is like you are on top of the world, an amazing high, like after running a marathon but better. It was like I was high. I knew about the baby blues (when this feeling wears off) but not about the feeling itself.

If you are pregnant and reading this thread and currently anxious about labour, don’t be! If you take an antenatal class, read loads about labour and lurk on the related forums on mumsnet, you will be pretty educated about what’s going to happen.

Dillo10 · 13/10/2020 13:17

Thanks @FourPlasticRings you are right!

Dillo10 · 13/10/2020 13:18

@DressingGownofDoom thank you for saying that. That made me a bit emotional!

NiceandCalm · 13/10/2020 13:22

No one prepared me for how easy and wonderful it all was!

RaisinGhost · 13/10/2020 13:22

I bled for about a month and nobody really explained the source

Sorry, but really? The source is your uterus! The lining of the uterus sheds as it's job growing a baby is over. This is pretty basic stuff people.

Laiste · 13/10/2020 13:23

The Pain. The absolute grinding fucking agony of labour.

19 year old me read the books and was ready to '' 'poof poof poof' like blowing out a candle - breeeeeathing through the pain. Shouting is a waste of your precious energy! Take in a picture to put by the bedside. Take in a nice pillow. Take in your favorite body spray to refresh you. Some calming music ...''

Hmm yeah ... do that. OR

Be honest and suggest ''Something to bite on to stop you grinding your teeth to nubs while you're screaming in fucking agony unaware of weather it's day or night or who you bloody are any more Because.this.is.going.to.HURT.sister.like.nothing.you.can.imagine ...

I mean if it doesn't end up hurting that much then lucky you - no harm done But at least if it does you were warned, so you know it's normal and you're not actually DYING.

Lalapurple · 13/10/2020 13:23

I was shocked when I lost my plug during induction - had to ask if normal.

But unlike some people here I didn't get bad afterpains and I found the pain of labour bareable. And I didn't get sore nipples from breastfeeding. I'm just saying here so people reading don't assume the same for everyone.

I think it's different for everyone. Pregnancy yoga was really good preparation.

LeSquigh · 13/10/2020 13:24

@ImaSababa

That I would need SIX WEEKS of blood thinning injections after my c-section. Still got a week left, and it's just horrific. I make poor DH administer them because needles make me boak.
I was also given these but only did them for about ten days. My midwife told me I could stop because I was up and about as normal and driving etc. I THINK the injections are given because you are less mobile. I was properly mobile after a week so stopped. Admittedly I was lucky and had a very good c section experience so obviously don’t stop without medical advice but if you are up and about and feel ok have a word with your health visitor. I was under extended midwife care due to weight loss/slight tongue tie in baby.
Yogawithmydog · 13/10/2020 13:24

I had read books, attended NCT etc so knew about Lochia, would need pads etc. Nobody told me that it would literally feel like my entire insides falling out again and that when I stood up for the first time after hours of labour, I would turn the bed, room and bathroom into something like a blood soaked abbatoir murder scene. I actually thought I must be having a massive haemorrhage and panicked. Apparently coating your entire surroundings with layers of blood is "quite normal" according to my couldn't give a fuck midwife.
And yes that nobody gives a fuck about pain in childbirth. It's like - you chose to have a baby, now you'll have to take the pain until you reach the point of no return then we still won't give you any.

Purplelion · 13/10/2020 13:26

I would like to give a positive!
Everyone tells horror stories, how much it hurts, after pains etc.
My experience is that labour wasn’t as bad as I was expecting due to the amount of people that say say it’s horrendous etc. I know this isn’t the case for everyone but I was pleasantly surprised

stormtrooperjulian · 13/10/2020 13:26

How long labour can last - I had 4 days of regular contractions from start to EMCS, and that labour pains aren't necessarily felt in your belly, mine were only in my back (back to back baby)

CMOTDibbler · 13/10/2020 13:27

I knew that I'd bleed after, but it was only that my colleague warned me (and her sister had told her) that prepared me for what lochia would actually look like. I bled for 12 weeks - only stopped after I passed a dice sized bit of left over placenta- and none of the books prepared me for that.

For me, I was totally unprepared for a not very premature birth, and how it would feel to be without my baby, having to deal with SCBU etc

MagpieSong · 13/10/2020 13:29

That most paramedics have never seen a birth and don’t have a clue what they’re doing, how much blood there should be or even to tell you when the head is coming. They will also keep on trying to move you into an ambulance, even though your 5 minutes from delivering the head. If this happens, stay in your birthing position, shut your eyes and blank them until baby is born - it worked for me.

BiBabbles · 13/10/2020 13:30

@firstimemamma

Getting the placenta out can sometimes be harder work than getting the baby out! All I'd ever heard was that it would be easy.

Pushed out ds in less than half an hour but the placenta involved 45 mins of me struggling while occasionally moaning 'worse than baby! Worse than baby' (and yes this was with the injection!)

Same here. Honestly, I think for some of us that the afterbirth injection makes things worse - the two I had it straight away were so painful and took so much longer, whereas even though I did need the injection after the placenta came out with DS2, the delivery of it went so much smoother.

I remember checking the NHS book after I had my first and being pissed that the third stage of labour was like 3 tiny paragraphs. I thought I must have missed something. Even with all my reading, the only complication I'd heard about with placentas was if something happened before/during the first or second stages of labour or if tissue remains days afterwards, I hadn't read anything that covered how complicated the third stage could get even if the first two stages go fine.

MooseBreath · 13/10/2020 13:33

Sitting for the first couple of weeks after birth, especially with stitches. Also weeing stung so much I thought something was genuinely wrong.

Tootsey11 · 13/10/2020 13:34

That you can have severe pre eclampsia and feel perfectly fine.

Dramaofallama · 13/10/2020 13:34

What Lochia actually looked like, everything I read said it was just like a heavy period Hmm

Also that I wouldnt be able to sit down for two weeks, plus with hormonal changes making thrush more likely it made my stitches incredibly painful. So much that I could only pee standing up in the shower with running water Blush

LeSquigh · 13/10/2020 13:35

I didn’t know about the injections after c section. I didn’t know that maternity wards were like cattle farms. I didn’t know that so much of the world, including women, women who have had babies themselves and had an easy time, had/have no time or sympathy for those women that don’t have a straightforward experience and can be left with deep physical and mental scars for years afterwards. I didn’t know that if you are a man and have an abdominal operation that you would be kept in hospital for days to recover and discharged with comprehensive pain relief but if you’re a woman who has had a c section and been cut through to your insides that you would be kicked out of hospital with paracetamol and told to get on with it. I didn’t realise that the saying “you’re pregnant, not ill” didn’t apply universally and in fact not in most cases. I didn’t know how differently women were treated (To men) in the U.K. and probably worse elsewhere until I had a baby.