To ask what they didn't tell you about pregnancy/child birth?

[PossiblyPattio]

I'm long past the age of being able to have a baby but i'm hoping that a thread to share our experiences could be helpful

I only have one DD and I remember being scared as shit when Lochia happened!! Nobody told me it would happen and I thought I was going to die

@lyralalala

That the "rush of love" might not happen and it doesn't make you a shit Mum.

And it is also very unlikely the reason you aren't getting that rush of love is because they sent you home with the wrong baby (I never admitted I thought that for weeks in real life!!)

How terrifying lochia can be if you’re not expecting it. I rang the delivery suite (where I’d been told to call) in a panic the day after I left hospital as I had passed a clot the size of a golf ball- without feeling it come out!- and thought I might die. A very bored sounding woman on the phone told me that wasn’t uncommon but to come in and get checked anyway. I was most upset she didn’t seemed worried about it!

The after pains having my second were agony.

Breastfeeding isn’t always easy for everyone and there’s nothing to feel guilty about if you try it and you find it’s not for you.

To pick your birthing partner wisely. Just because he’s the father of the baby it doesn’t give him the right to be at the birth. Do not have anyone, even your husband, with you at your most vulnerable if they can’t or won’t support you and help you. If they’re not capable of that then they are literally useless and shouldn’t be there. Childbirth is not a spectator sport.

That the sheer agony of establishing breastfeeding would reduce me to tears in the first couple of days, and had a midwife not suggested I use Lansinoh on my nipples, I would have had to give up.

That receiving internal stitches directly after giving birth, when I felt like a slab of bloody meat, would make me weep with pain.

That someone suggesting contraception for "when I next have sex" two days after giving birth would make me give a hollow laugh.

That PPH is terrifying.

That I would want to ever do it again (and I did)

Torally agree with the teeth - just back from an emergency dental appointment after having just had my third. Need a tooth out!

My dentist said pregnancy definitely has a effect on teeth. Good news is the work needed will be covered by my maternity exemption.

Oh the pessary! I've just remembered. It's fine at the start when the pop it in and you're dead smug about how how high your pain threshold is. Then they keep pulling it out to check if you're dilated and putting the same one back in again. At the start it feels like a mini Tampax Pearl. By the end it feels like they're shoving a Brillo pad up there.

I had no control ovet my farts for a week weeks after birth never met anyone else with this problem

• that you can have contractions when you’re breastfeeding.
• that no breastfeeding isn’t easy - unlike the nct video they show you with the baby doing the crawl thing onto the boob as soon as it’s born -which implies that breastfeeding is a piece of piss
• that sleep deprivation is the worst thing ever and that you can be so tired you’re hallucinating whilst supposedly being in a fit state to look after a baby

@DressingGownofDoom

Oh the pessary! I've just remembered. It's fine at the start when the pop it in and you're dead smug about how how high your pain threshold is. Then they keep pulling it out to check if you're dilated and putting the same one back in again. At the start it feels like a mini Tampax Pearl. By the end it feels like they're shoving a Brillo pad up there.

Do they?! I thought it was inserted behind the cervix and kept there the whole time, but that it’s the pessary which makes you feel really sore and every time you have an examination that’s what the sore feeling was

How no one medical seems to think you need painkillers if you’ve had your stomach cut open
I was laughed at while doubling over in pain - told I’d ‘only’ had a baby by a nurse
Two days later I was back In hospital on a drip - it was a womb infection

Plus the joy of post natal depression The only cure is medication - apparently. If you say no they just wave you off to cope alone

That pregnancy can leave you with a lifelong, permanent physical disability.
When they hand you leaflets about SPD and they say stuff like 0.00000001% of people continue to experience SPD after the birth which never resolves you think its scaremongering bollocks. It isnt.

Sterile water injections are a load of bollocks. Who thought they are an appropriate pain relief needs to think again.

Pethidine can make you hallucinate. And vomit. And hallucinate about vomiting. And hallucinate while vomiting. And in the end the only antiemetic that works is one they usually only use for seriously unwell trauma patients. And they'll only dish it out after you've vomited on your husband for the 3rd time.

Suffice to say I'm done having children.

That the baby could lie awkwardly during pregnancy and block off my bladder. If resulted in me not being able to pass any water and having to have a catheter inserted for 2 weeks until baby decided to shift back up again. (It was lovely hearing the midwifes the other side of the cubicle curtain refer to me as “the bladder lady)”.

@DarcyParty - I had no control over my farts for a week weeks after birth

Fanny farts! For a good 6/7 months after birth i would have no control over fanny farts and it was always after doggy position sex Great fun! Not.

I thought it would be forever but thankfully it just stopped on it's own.

That it's only the beginning!

That your dialation can go backwards! Who knew you could go from 7cm back to 5!!

Birth isn't necessarily the horror story, mine was absolutely fine and I felt very proud of myself after. Breathing exercises did a lot

Sounds stupid but I didn't realise that with every contraction after your waters broke water would be gushing out of me 😳 very gross feeling

The stitches after hurt more than delivery

How miraculous that little baby is and how overwhelming the feeling of love can be. Although it didn't come as soon as she was born, it was like a wave every day for me

When I was pregnant with aches and pains all over, hot, exhausted, couldn't sleep due to hip pain, I didn't know how I would ever get my body back orhow long it would take to feel normal again. Well it happened pretty much within a fortnight, I felt back to myself (still a bit sore down below and body was different obviously)

How empty your tummy feels when the baby is gone!! I felt hollow

That it is normal to vomit in labour

That the dilation part of contractions would hurt as much as the pushing bit.

That labial tears are a thing. I had no idea.

That If there is a family history of haemorrhaging in Labour it would be helpful for the midwives to know that. Thank you mother, for not sharing that snippet with me beforehand.

That it is possible to get breast infections years after no longer breastfeeding

That you should NOT let a trainee midwife do your stitches.

Babies sometimes cry before theyre all the way out!

@DarcyParty Im nearly 6 years on and still farting like a bastard.

That I'd need to be given drugs to bring on harsh contractions to expel 'ragged membranes' two weeks after giving birth and that I'd have to show ( revolted and sniggering) midwives my sanitary pads to see the resultant debris.

That I would be still be being stitched up after delivery , over two hours after giving birth and that the midwife would tell the doctor... " we've been stitching for over two hours now and I just don't know which flap goes where!!!"

That a c section can mean it takes longer for your milk to come in

That bf often DOES hurt initially - so sick of smug types saying "if it hurts you're doing it wrong" I was doing nothing wrong it just took a few weeks till my nipples toughened up! I honestly think if there was more transparency about this more women would stick with bf cos they'd know they weren't doing anything wrong and that it doesn't last.

The sudden drop in body temp when you're no longer 2 bodies in one, shivered so hard I am amazed I didn't chip teeth!

I foolishly didn't really believe the more extreme transition stories...cue me after over 20 hours of labour starting to get dressed and saying I'd had enough and was going home, I'd do this another day. Then dh and medics having to talk me round.

It might be easier to access info now this was over 20 years ago for me.

Literally can't remember the last time I got a solid 7-8 hours sleep. Maybe this is my bodies way of prepping me for the many sleepless nights heading my way when DC arrives

Erm...I hate to break it to you but I've never managed to return to my pre-motherhood sleep pattern:

Babies: ear out for waking for feeds etc

Toddlers: ear out for waking and possibly wandering and getting up to who knows what in the house

Primary age : ear out certainly at least when you know they're ill or are having a tough time at school or whatever so more likely to have nightmares

High school age: ear out again when you know they're ill etc but also in case they're sneakily watching scary movies having woken after you've gone to sleep etc

Late teens: ear out for broken hearts, bullying causing nightmares etc

Very late teens/early adulthood: worst yet! Lying awake waiting for them to get in often from clubbing, or dates and worrying yourself sick about drinking, drugs, pregnancy, stis, sexual assault, mugging...

Dd is now away studying and I STILL don't sleep well

That when they tell you to take it easy even if you feel ok they mean it.

Yep! My community midwife within my 1st week home after an emcs birth during which dd and I both almost died and dd had been in scbu and I'd been kept in for almost 2 weeks, upon arriving to find me rearranging the kitchen cupboards practically frogmarched me into the bedroom, while ticking then husband off for letting me, put me in bed, turned the light out, TOOK MY BOOK AWAY and ordered me to sleep!

She apparently then marched into the living room, put dd in dads arms and gave him strict instructions that unless I was feeding said baby she expected baby to be right there in his arms until he went back to work

Loved her! I mean not at that precise moment...but yes! Loved her

And dont worry about the baby weight- ever! Buy bigger size jeans and cuddle your kids.

Something I knew but I've found a lot of new mums don't - your jeans or whatever not fitting is not just down to weight gain as in fat, your bones change! Your joints can enlarge/elongate and this can and does cause permanent change to your body shape and clothing (and shoe!) sizes. I was a size 6 before dd, size 3 in shoes (saved me a fortune in shoe styles sold to kids!). After dd even at my slimmest and a lower weight than dd couldn't fit into smaller than size 8 jeans, now a size 4 in shoes.

Best one..... that babies dont just go to sleep. I honestly never paid realised that my life would be consumed by naps, how to get them down, why they weren't napping, overtiredness, undertiredness, sleep cycles etc
I just thought you popped them into a cot with a soft blanket and they slept like angels whenever they needed to in the daytime.

Haha! The problem with so many now not coming from big families themselves and not having looked after babies before having one is this!

I'd cared for loads before dd being eldest of 3 siblings and a shit ton of cousins, plus I was a nanny before dd. My ex however, although also from a big family in terms of siblings he's the youngest of 4 and youngest but one of the cousins. Dd was the first newborn he'd ever held and he was terrified! He literally held her like she was made of glass! He had a similar belief to you @Duggeeismysaviour and had to essentially learn "the hard way" that it's an effort to get a baby to sleep.

He's now a father of 6 total so I hope he's more practiced now.

Oh, I also didn't know that if your child has an illness or disability you will have to work hard not to blame yourself, no matter that the rational part of your brain tells you it isn't your fault.

Omg yes! Dd didn't get her diagnosis until she started high school but once we did know and I learned about it I felt guilty for not pushing harder once I reached a point I was pretty sure there was something actually wrong (which was several years before her diagnosis), I also felt guilty for all the times I blamed her for things which later turned out to be because of her disability - her apparent clumsiness (many many sprains, strains, bruises, scrapes, items broken or bumped against), her inability to eat a full meal and certain foods (thought she was being "fussy"), her poor sleep, her moaning about being sore after not apparently doing much (fatigue is a symptom)... STILL feel horrifically guilty for telling her off for not finishing her dinner or wrecking yet another pair of school trousers I struggled to afford to replace. Awful!

Now that I know more, she had clear VISIBLE symptoms at birth, not just 1 or 2 but 5, that were even RECORDED as medically notable but NOBODY even suggested further investigation!


I have to disagree with "our bodies are made for this" - not all of our bodies are! I have endo, I had numerous Gynae issues before dd inc mc, ovarian torsion and ectopic pregnancy. My body did not cope well with pregnancy and childbirth to the point I have a rare condition that doesn't become apparent until the first childbirth but which if I were to ever become pregnant again has a very high chance of killing me, so I was basically told after dd I couldn't have any more.

That you can be in full on labour for 23 hours, push for 3 hrs and then end up with a prolapse and an injured baby that midwives and Drs pretend everything is fine and then close ranks when they are proven to be incompetent

That “pushing” isn’t how all women give birth!
I’ve had multiple children, yes childbirth is viscerally painful but I haven’t once pushed. It does mean that midwives can never work out what stage I’m at though so get a surprise when baby turns up as I’m incoherent/delirious with pain by then and can’t form words to tell them. Looking back, I’d describe it as like a river flowing maybe, or your body opening like petals of a flower...it’s not easy to describe and never gets talked about so for years I felt really odd but I never tore or needed stitches which Is great.