To ask what they didn't tell you about pregnancy/child birth?

[PossiblyPattio]

I'm long past the age of being able to have a baby but i'm hoping that a thread to share our experiences could be helpful

I only have one DD and I remember being scared as shit when Lochia happened!! Nobody told me it would happen and I thought I was going to die

I read through all the posts and totally agree with them all, but I just wanted to start my post my saying to those who are reading this with their first pregnancy and are perhaps freaking out - please don’t. Our bodies truly are made for this and we are amazing.
Child birth is not fun, it really is called labour for a reason but if you go in prepared and ready to be flexible if change is needed, ask for help during and after and stand your ground if you think something is not right then you should have an easier time mentally and hopefully physically.
I wish I had known:

1. Lochia is not a period, really large clots can be passed. I freaked out
2. All encompassing love does not always come straight away. This is totally normal and does not make you a bad mother.
3. Breast feeding can be really hard to master, do not feel guilty if it doesn’t work for you.
4. Without a doubt fabulous people work in the maternity ward but be prepared that once the baby is out you will be expected to get on with it as CB is seen nothing “special”. I was discharged 5 hrs after giving birth after both mine.

And finally mothers Guilt, it never seems to go, you will generally think/believe you are doing a bad job, will compare yourself to others but you are more than enough, you are amazing and there will be other mums out there comparing themselves to you and asking how are you doing it.

Thank you @Fearicecream ! It’s so painful. I will try the coconut oil..in fact, I’ll try anything! Any other suggestions would be welcome. I have to bite down on a towel at the moment..I’m also downing water like a fish, fibre gel and praying it heals quickly!

pastabest - That at some point shortly after you have given birth, someone will probably stick a finger up your bum, and you won't even care.

This is not a funny thread, but i lol'd at that.

While preg for the first time i remember being a bit worried about the injection/s straight after birth (oxytocin injection to expel placenta, numbing injection in case of tears) I'm not good with needles.

• outcome? Had them but didn't notice or feel them!

(I suppose you could frame this as a positive, but unfortunately it's because i was lost deep in shock and exhaustion from the rest of it)

I'm sorry to be that person but this our bodies truly are made for this isn't exactly true.

The evolutionary requirement of wide hips for childbirth is competing with the evolutionary requirement of narrow hips for walking.

So some women will find childbirth a doddle, some will need assistance. Either is perfectly fine - it's not a test, just a means to an end.

I didn’t poo afterwards for 7 days, and had to have an enema.
On day 3, I asked the health visitor if I should take some fibogel/laxatives and she kinda shrugged and said it was fine. It was absolutely not fine. Make sure you take something to help your digestive system along/tell someone if it’s been a few days.
I also didn’t poo during childbirth, which I thought was a given.

That birth (after 5 months of hypnobirthing, yoga and reading Ina May Gaskin to overcome a long held phobia) was a positive experience and I didn’t feel ‘pain’ like I expected to: felt euphoria at the point you’d usually ‘push’ (i didnt ‘push’, she came out after three deep exhales).

Ginpalacequeen - ''4. Without a doubt fabulous people work in the maternity ward but be prepared that once the baby is out you will be expected to get on with it as CB is seen nothing “special”. I was discharged 5 hrs after giving birth after both mine.''

Ah - the time when the agony has subsided, your baby is out, and you are just starting to remember your name feel human again. The midwife/s leave the room to wash off all your blood and shit and you weakly say thank you and goodbye.
Then you think
''i'm so proud of my baby, but that was bloody awful and i'm so glad it's over. When do the team of people arrive who come to your bedside to debrief you and give you a cup of tea and tell you how well you did and ask if you're ok, and where the showers are and tell you what happens now?''
Answer:
Never

@Takemetothebar

I’m also really shocked that some women on here didn’t know about lochia or that the placenta would need delivering! Did you miss biology at school, not read any books, not go to any classes or anything?

The only thing that surprised me was as someone else said, that the wave of love doesn’t wash over every woman immediately.

I've had a baby and I still don't know what a lochia is!

A Level biology.

Didn't read any books or go to any classes because looking after a baby doesn't really require me to know what a lochia is.

Thanks to Mumsnet and NCT (mostly Mumsnet) I already knew most of these... what I wasn’t prepared for was the 3rd trimester heartburn, the insomnia, the night sweats and the way my breast milk had a weird whiff of teenage boys’ BO about it. Gross.

The relaxin hormone that relaxes the ligaments in your pelvis to help you give birth doesn’t limit itself to your pelvis. I had real problems for months after I gave birth because the ligaments In my jaw were really slack, my face just didn’t seem to work properly for ages!

That actually thé giving birth thing is one of the easier parts of parenting. I was so focused on giving birth, the whole having another human to look after thing came as a bit of a shock.

The sleep deprivation. I knew that you didn’t sleep much with a newborn, but I don’t think you can know (or at least I didn’t) what it’s actually like until you’re in it. I remember one night wanting more than anything to just sleep for 30 minutes

Well people DO say birth is painful but I didn't realise quite how painful! Also, I had 0 urge to push. Everyone said I'd know, the body takes over....well it didn't. I had no urge at all and the midwife had to tell me what to do every step of the way. Afterwards I was totally numb for about a week. Couldn't feel anything at all, not even when my bladder was full. It was really peculiar and I still don't know why that happened.

Right at the start of my pregnancy, I wasn't prepared for "implantation pain" or "implantation bleeding" - I assumed it was a miscarriage.

I didn't know how whole-body systemic the changes in pregnancy are - in my NCT group alone we had one lady go deaf during pregnancy, one lose sight in one eye semi-permanently (through diabetes) and one get left with lifelong physical mobility issues from pregnancy-triggered autoimmune disease.

I didn't know about prolapses, including that your whole vagina can basically turn inside out and leave part of your reproductive organs hanging on the outside.

Might be obvious but use wet wipes to clean up before applying cream, haemorrhoid cream is wonderfully cooling.

@Babyboomtastic sorry to jump in but did sex after c-section ever get less painful? I'm 3 months in and it's very scary.

I didn't realise how common it is to have either a difficult pregnancy, childbirth or both. That there are so many complications etc that are relatively common, that the likelihood is that most people will end up with at least one. Whether that's scary bleeding in pregnancy, breach, GD, SPD, needing induction, episotomy, bad tears, forceps, emergency sections etc. ie, if you roll that 'one in 10' dice enough times, eventually you get something. And if you don't, feel very lucky.

That after my 3rd birth, the after pains could be worse than the labour. That I couldn't feel a full bladder for 6 months. I was too shy to tell mw or hv. I just 'went' every 4 hours or so.
The horror of constipation. The thinking you are pushing internal organs out. Awful, just awful.

@CrystalPalaceMa

For both babies, it was painful for the first 3-4 times, but got better each time. I don't know if that is due to time, or just that it took me 3/4 times. I started about 10 days in though 😂

Passing blood clots
I had an Emcs with ds2 while still in hospital I passed a large bloody clot the size of an egg I literally felt like I was shitting something out of my vagina
It was for sure the oddest body/physical experience of my life

How many times you have to say no thank you.
"No thank you, I do not consent to an induction."
"No thank you, I do not consent to an internal examination."
"No thank you, I do not consent to another health professional in my house."

Oh! And that feeling that ALL your organs have just dropped when you sit up. Diaphragm breathing is a good idea!!

@Reassuranceneeded14

Thank you *@Fearicecream* ! It’s so painful. I will try the coconut oil..in fact, I’ll try anything! Any other suggestions would be welcome. I have to bite down on a towel at the moment..I’m also downing water like a fish, fibre gel and praying it heals quickly!

Have you seen a GP? They can prescribe proctosedyl suppositories and cream which are amazing. Also laxido, which you can buy over the counter but it’s expensive. I had to have 3 rounds of suppositories and over 6 months of laxido to sort mine out and I honestly never thought I’d be normal again. My GP wrote mine were “impressive” in my notes 😬😬

I think as a PP said it’s partly because there’s a vast spectrum of normal (and abnormal) in labour.

I attended the antenatal classes, did the hypnobirthing, read all the books. But I wasn’t prepared for:

1. Labour being so fast. I’d prepared myself for a long latent stage, not for incredibly painful and intense contractions that were 2 minutes apart from the start.
2. There being no time for an epidural or any pain relief.
3. Being in so much pain I couldn’t speak or communicate.
4. The stitches under local anaesthetic being so flipping painful.
5. Developing a vaginal haematoma. They’re a thing, especially if you let a midwife who’s been qualified for 10 minutes do your stitches.
6. Said midwife missing the fact I had a third degree tear.
7. Needing to spend 3 hours in theatre having my haematoma drained and be re-stitched (on account of the third degree tear).
8. The recovery being so much longer and harder than I thought. I was ok by about 12 months PP.

@FreeAcorns me too! No urge to push and completely numb for weeks after. Did you get your waters broken? I did and she was really rough and I still wonder if she temporarily injured me in some way.

Everything, morning sickness, lochia, how shit husbands are, critical mum and partner, babies whacking you in the mouth, irritation with everything. I am one and done!

I didn't know that if you are 35 or older and have had more than 2 children, after your next child(ren) you need to inject yourself daily after the birth with blood thinning injections.

Thanks @Babyboomtastic