To ask what they didn't tell you about pregnancy/child birth?

[PossiblyPattio]

I'm long past the age of being able to have a baby but i'm hoping that a thread to share our experiences could be helpful

I only have one DD and I remember being scared as shit when Lochia happened!! Nobody told me it would happen and I thought I was going to die

Going for a first poo after a episiotomy is the most horrific experience ever

Another thing is how many visitors after the baby is born, not as in family and friends but MW, HV, maternity support workers ect. I was exhausted but it felt like they were over everyday for the first week or two.

How long labour could go on for. Everyone in my family had fairly speedy labours, mine went on for days.

The lochia and how long it can last( and also that you still get it after a section)

How you are just expected to get on with caring for your baby after major abdominal surgery with just paracetamol as your pain relief.

How painful bf can be.

How awful(and hot) the post natal ward is,

That when they tell you to take it easy even if you feel ok they mean it. I was quite smug about walking around with the pram the next day, making cakes, etc. Wasn't so smug when my stitches got infected and a) it bloody hurt and made me feel awful because I ended up with a fever and b) I really did have to stop and rest for a boringly long time and much longer than if I'd just been less stupid in the first place

I’m currently 13 weeks PP with baby no3. Oh my lord, the pain of a bowel movement..worse than my labour. Then for hours after the throbbing. No cream has helped..just praying for relief when it’s happening. I don’t know if it’s piles or a tear but it’s hell!

That a couple of weeks after you push the baby out Boris Johnson will appear on the telly and tell you your mum can’t come round to help anymore

But really, just because the baby starts sleeping through the night doesn’t mean that you’ll start sleeping through the night.
And also that when your water breaks in hospital it feels like a huge event for you but the midwives literally do not care it is not a big deal.

I think the thing thats so hard is that peoples experiences are SO varied and normal is on a huge spectrum.

First DD I was hysterical and couldnt cope with the pain at 0cm dilated. With the second I had a drug free birth and was coping really well.

Both times I bought hundreds of maternity pads and big knickers etc and my bleeding after was so light (like last few days of period) so barely needed them.

The breastfeeding can be easy, hard or impossible and its not your fault. First DD was hopeless- early, no milk, poor latch, jaundiced, needed topping up- we never got going. Felt so guilty as everyone said it was hard but they still somehow managed. Second DC- tongue tie, sore nipples etc it was hard but I did it! Baby was doing well, latched ok with shields and some support but we managed. That for a lot of people was their 'hard'. But the experience of first DD was SO SO much harder that those things didnt seem too bad the second time.

The afterpains after the second my GOD. Was crying in the night they were as bad as labour!

And dont worry about the baby weight- ever! Buy bigger size jeans and cuddle your kids.

Like a couple of please have said, I think it's important to realise that everyone's experiences are different.

My lochia lasted about a week, and only three first 48 hours resembled a period, it then got lighter. It never got heavier than a period for me.

I had a great experience on the wards, with fab aftercare.

I didn't night sweat, I lost minimal hair, and even baby blues aren't universal (I didn't have them at all). Neither are sore nipples.

I had other stuff that wasn't great (pretty ill during pregnancy plus insomnia etc) but everyone's experiences vary so much.

@RaisinGhost

I bled for about a month and nobody really explained the source

Sorry, but really? The source is your uterus! The lining of the uterus sheds as it's job growing a baby is over. This is pretty basic stuff people.

Yes, "really". I was referring to the fact that the uterus leaves a dinner-plate sized wound after it detaches which is the source of much of the blood, but never mind, you've clearly decided I'm intellectually challenged.

I knew I’d bleed but I wasn’t prepared for the clots, I lost a fist sized one after DC1 was born and I was absolutely terrified.

I wasn’t prepared for forceps, I just didn’t know they existed tbh. I also wasn’t prepared for an extended episiotomy- they cut right up into my butt cheek.

I didn’t expect to feel so frail afterwards, I was like a hobbling old woman after all of my children.

Oh the hair loss at three months postpartum is crazy, I thought I was going to go bald.

That birth injuries are a life changing thing

Agree re the c section. You’re sent home after a day or two with some ibuprofen. If you had any other abdominal surgery you would never be expected to suffer through it with OTC painkillers. Ridiculous.

Maternity wards are horrendous as well. I paid for a room with my last baby because I just couldn’t stand that hell again. I always seemed to get stuck beside a woman who snored like a wild animal.

It’s amazing how everyone’s birthing story is different

Placenta delivery for me was piss easy. It just slipped out, though the nurse did give a slight tug on my second birth, and apart from the feeling of something coming out, I didn’t feel any pain

That trapped wind following a CS can make your shoulder hurt. Take some peppermint oil.

That walking will make you pour lochia initially.

That lochia can smell really, really weird.

That you’ll have to take preloaded syringes home and inject yourself for ten days after a CS.

That your CS wound will be sealed after five days when the stitches come out and you don’t need to panic that you guts are going to spill out.

Jesus. The hair loss. That it is absolute BOLLOCKS when they say you lose only what you would have lost anyway. You lose so much more and the texture changes and it often takes ages or doesn’t fully recover.

After pains, worse with number 2

The pelvic floor weakening

Hair loss

Breastfeeding agony (my toes hurt from curling so much)

The night sweats, they are something else!

Best one..... that babies dont just go to sleep. I honestly never paid realised that my life would be consumed by naps, how to get them down, why they weren't napping, overtiredness, undertiredness, sleep cycles etc
I just thought you popped them into a cot with a soft blanket and they slept like angels whenever they needed to in the daytime.

Also, the different types of tears.

I had a 3rd degree tear in my first Labour and I didn’t really understand exactly what had been torn, sewn or stitched and the long term implications of that. Info was quite limited 20 years ago.

That empty feeling after you give birth when you first stand up. It felt like my organs fell down to my hips and I couldn't take a deep breath for days afterwards. Still gives me the fear two years on!

That it's a good idea to have a good stash of paracetamol & ibuprofen in ready, just in case you have an emergency C-Section or other intervention.
It's not necessarily easy to nip out to the shop and get some once you're freshly home with a newborn and little support x

I didn't know that:

Being asked for consent is something that's supposed to happen but generally doesn't.

That 1:10 inductions fail.

That Bishop Scores are important.

That maternity wards are the 7th circle.

Some midwives prefer dealing with pregnancy and others with newborns. Unfortunately they don't divide care this way.

Midwives will call your 30 hour old baby a brat for crying with hunger.

C sections are a wonderful way to give birth.

You might have to inject yourself for up to 6 weeks afterwards

Some doctors think they have 'magic hands'.

Inductions can go on for well over 100 hours before they're considered a failure.

The trauma of birth can cause problems for years afterwards.

You may never be the same again.

You may never sleep through the night again.

That 'rush of love' thing isn't a given. You may find the feeling builds over days and weeks. This is fine.

There will always be a stranger on hand to tell you you're doing pregnancy or parenthood wrong.

That at some point shortly after you have given birth, someone will probably stick a finger up your bum, and you won't even care.

Oh, I also didn't know that if your child has an illness or disability you will have to work hard not to blame yourself, no matter that the rational part of your brain tells you it isn't your fault.

Oh yes, thinking you were done after the c section only to find you had to inject yourself in the stomach for two weeks. That was a huge deal for me and feel someone should have maybe mentioned it! I did NCT too!

@Reassuranceneeded14 probably an anal fissure. I had one. Absolutely awful feeling, honest!
Try applying coconut oil to the area.

It actually feels like your pooping out glass!!!