Things that irritate you as a lone parent *lighthearted*

[earthtopluto]

"It must be hard being his mum AND dad" - erm, no, I'm just his mum!

Friend texting me saying "I know how you feel now" after her husband went away for two days.

Also, the loneliness (ok, not quite so lighthearted).

Anything else?

Also, the number of people who have told me that it's always better that children have both parents and that I should try and work it out with my abusive ex is unreal! (sorry, getting less and less lighthearted!)

When people say that they are practically a single parent during the week as their partner works away - no you are not!

People who tell me "just get her dad a to do this or give that".... No I can't make him do or give anything and more often than not its not even worth asking and I'd rather just sort it out myself.

No lie ins!

Also the stigma in the news and media surrounding lone parents. The articles that bang on about how parents growing up without both parents can develop attachment issues, blame themselves etc etc. Makes me feel awful!

Yes to no lie ins!! Can't wait until my son is old enough to have sleepovers with his mates

Children not parents

Someone said "well it must be easier now they are older" when i was moaning about having to taxi my kids around pre lockdown. Well not really as when they were younger my husband was alive and sharing the responsibility!

@didlum so sorry to hear about your husband

My mum was a lone parent and my dad was an absent arsehole. Most of my friends grew up in the same circumstances. We’re all fine. Don’t worry yourself with all the scaremongering about children from broken homes.

People assuming I get every weekend off. Or that I get loads of CM. Haha. I can't remember the last time he had them overnight, he's only seen them a handful of times since lockdown. And i haven't had a penny off him for about 7 years.

People claiming they know what its like as their dp works away. No you don't. You still have someone to sound off to and an income.

People asking what I did that made him leave, or why I wasn't more careful when chosing the father of my children. (Weirdly my single dad friends don't get this)

Being told I should tell ex xyz. If we could agree on things we probably wouldn't have separated!

People asking when I'm going to meet someone new and have more children. Just fuck off with that one. My heart is broken beyond repair now.

Thanks @noti23 - I worry so much about a lot of things, but that's a whole other thread.

I'm a widow. No ex, no support. Just me and the kids. Never any time off, never anyone to help make big decisions, never anyone to share the good times or bad. Buck stops with me - my main goal is to live at least until they reach adulthood as I don't know anyone I would trust with their up bringing.
Sorry nor very light hearted.

It's OK @pipandmum - maybe I shouldn't have added the lighthearted bit. It's hard being a lone parent. My ex abused me and my 3 month old (definitely not lighthearted). I have a restraining order against him and he's not allowed near me and my son. I still have friends who tell me I should try and work it out with him as my son would be better off having a dad in his life. One of them is not a friend of mine anymore.

@pipandmum also

People who just assume that exh contributes financially, whilst I bust my ass in three businesses supporting dc singlehandedly.

“I don’t know how you manage all alone with two children” Erm, what the alternative?

It’s such hard work sometimes but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

To be told I shouldn't have had kids if I couldn't afford them.

I bloody could afford them when i had them. Then their dad turned it all to shit.

Not having anyone around to help make decisions as a family, or to have my back in making the rules for my two teens.
Not having the energy to give them the attention they deserve sometimes, because it's hard enough just keeping us all afloat.

We're not really light-hearted are we

That I should have known he was a shit actually I fucking didnt

That I should refuse to bail him it when he wants to drop the kids off early yeah I tried that one he showed up at my place of work in the middle of a heatwave with the kids waited in the carpark for an hour for me to finish work do he could hand them over he collected them from school after three showed up at four I finished work at five

That he is a really good dad I just dont give him "a chance" (see above)

Let's scrap the 'lighthearted'

People thinking I get a break sometimes.
My last "break" was three years ago when I had a general anaesthetic for a bowel issue. I had a day off parenting for that.

It's bloody hard work.
Especially so over lockdown.

Do you know what makes it worthwhile though, is knowing that my kids are caring, bright and funny and it's all my doing 💪
And when they're misbehaving, obviously they are taking after their DF

That nobody ever gets that it takes me 10x longer than everyone else to do the non bau stuff (eg decorating, getting the oven fixed, sorting the house out) because after I've done everything that has to be done every week I have like an hour to "move the world forward"

And when dc was little my dm once refused to babysit so I could go shopping with my friend (for work clothes & work shoes) & a couple of after shopping drinks because Ds had missed me when I'd been away for work that week. So me & friend took him out for the day & the following week I dragged him round town for blooming hours whilst I updated my work wardrobe that I hadn't updated in 3 yrs as I was a LP but I had to as I was scruffy at work brilliant mum thanks for that one which I will probably never get over & perhaps should remember when she is guilt tripping me thank goodness he still fitted in the buggy at the time

Mkay lighthearted....so my ex texted me a demand for divorce papers (after telling his girlfriend that I was refusing the divorce) I responded saying can you sign them this time please im not wasting my time going through this again for you to mantrum and sling them in the bin he said OF COURSE he would sign them he couldn't wait to get divorced I pointed out he had been unemployed a long time and could have applied for a free divorce at any time this was apparently news to her as he told her he HAD filed for divorce and I was the one who wouldn't let go what's even better was the divorce going through despite him putting objections to my reasons he was genuinely shocked at that! He rang me saying he had been arrested and needed to tell me as his "wife" i said we are divorced you dont need to tell me tell your girlfriend turns out she was the one who got him arrested and he was fuming i got a divorce from him without him being told