Things that irritate you as a lone parent *lighthearted*

[earthtopluto]

"It must be hard being his mum AND dad" - erm, no, I'm just his mum!

Friend texting me saying "I know how you feel now" after her husband went away for two days.

Also, the loneliness (ok, not quite so lighthearted).

Anything else?

The hardest bit for her was that couples never invited her for dinners/social things. It was always socialising with other lone parents. Not sure if this has changed or not. I hope it has.

Sorry to say this hasn't changed awesomeaircraft at least not where l live. Thanks for the kind words of support.

Being hit on by married men still happens too Some men think single mum= desperate for sex

Generally love being a single parent (I adopted after divorce so completely my choice) but:

People assuming my daughter MUST have a dad somewhere (nope, she has one legal parent and that's me)
Family tickets presuming there are two adults
People not seeing the two of us as a family (we really are, just a very small one!)
Arriving at Father Christmas family breakfast and the host asking us to let us know when the rest of the family will be arriving
People assuming I don't work (especially annoying when I'm exhausted from it)
No lie ins, ever at all
Having to be so grown up all of the time!

One thing I hate, really loathe is single mums spouting off on fathers day, stating it's their day too. Very sad

@GlummyMcGlummerson I had a similar experience with dd, I fell for the "never speak ill of the ex" bullshit and for several years covered for him and bent over backwards to arrange, pay for and facilitate contact and covered when he yet again cocked up.

Eventually dd twigged and challenged me on it and at first she was angry with me as well as him for lying to her, deceiving her.

I could not afford to keep it up anyway and dd asked me at this time to stop managing him and the contact to see if he'd make the effort...he didn't and within a year he wasn't even phoning her (I used to text and remind him he'd said he'd call her on specific days and I'd tell him on her birthday etc) the worst was when she got her birthday card - over a month late! He'd got her birthday wrong!

Ugh yes! Getting hit on by married men! Still happens I'm afraid and they basically are robbing you of an ally/friend if their wife is your friend!

The presumption that single mums are lazy feckless scroungers who all got pregnant to live the life of Reilly off either some poor hapless man or the taxpayer.

Most single mums I know are nothing of the sort and work their arses off to give their children a decent life.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Oh and people's intrusive questions about my love/sex life. And when I say I don't have one they don't believe me.

Firstly, I have 2 evenings free every 2 weeks, I'd make a shit girlfriend.

Secondly, I don't want a blended anything. It works for others, but it won't work for me - I don't want some bloke meeting them, or having to navigate murky waters of step children. I'm so happy on my own, although people do not believe this. I've stopped going in the staff room as some twat is always trying to set me up with a single dad.

Couldn't agree with this more, I've stopped going to the pub because pub friends keep trying to set me up with single Mums, it's embarrassing/ Awkward as I want nothing to do with them and also them only being available only once a weekend if their kids are with their dad, not looking for a part time partner.

Oh yes the “just ask for extra money” one. My now nc sister suggested this when I took out a new mortgage up until I’m 67 and was understandably worried about managing money with 2 dc
The absolute shocker is that she cried and complained for years about how skint she and dbil were, but oh no when it was my turn different story as I had chosen to end my marriage.
If your reading this sis your a complete cunt.

Also the consent parenting, never had an overnight in 5 years and kids won’t spend more that6 hours or so with him. Sometimes I just want a break

Never getting a moment to even nip to the loo because I guarantee my youngest holds it in until he sees me going, then all of a sudden he needs to go! Or he all of a sudden has something really important to tell me just at the exact moment I am on the phone already talking to someone else!!!

Yes to family tickets only being for 2 parent families.

And people presuming I'm skint. The worst culprit for this is a close friend, also a single mum, who has a very high flying job and lots of income. I may work part time but I'm not skint, I just make different financial decisions.

@Whammyyammy

One thing I hate, really loathe is single mums spouting off on fathers day, stating it's their day too. Very sad

You're on the wrong thread, love. This is "things that irritate you as a lone parent" not "things that irritate you about lone parents". ODFOD.

Flat pack furniture that needs two people to build it. Where do you suggest I get the other one from!,
Luckily I have two sons who became early experts in building wardrobes 😁

@Whatisthisfuckery

This isn’t remotely lighthearted, in fact it made me rather angry.

Last week I was told by someone that she has it much harder than me because she has two DC and I only have one, despite the fact that she has 50/50 shared care with their father while my DS’s father has not so much as sent him a birthday card in 7 years; she get’s over £400 per month CM plus he takes the DC on holiday and buys branded school uniform and other bits, where as I get a big fat zero; she has a DP who stayed throughout lockdown and who she sees every weekend where as I’m single; and she gets 7 nights out of 14 to herself where I’ve had one childfree night in 12 months, oh and she’s fully sighted, can drive and is quite healthy where as I’m completely blind. It’s much worse for her though, obviously. I mean i’m sure her life isn’t perfect or even particularly easy, but mine is clearly more difficult, and the only reason I might seem like I cope well is because I have no bloody choice.

Yep. THIS. Not all experiences of single parenthood are the same. Single parents with nannies au pairs cleaners big houses etc are not in the same boat as those who struggle financially live in more cramped surroundings and have no one to help. We all have different struggles but not all are equal.

For me also not having anyone to sound off snout massive decisions. When I get something wrong my heart breaks and I feel I’ve let my self kids down.
But I love being the captain of my own ship so can’t win!!!!! Rather a few mistakes than an abusive manchild to deal with.

@spanieleyes I have 3 boxes of flat pack furniture eyeing me up from the hallway. Absolutely hate doing it!

Sorry this has hit a nerve.
Hate feeling like a coiled spring all the time. I cannot cry, rage, abandon, pmt has to be suppressed and I feel like I’m drowning. Nostrils barely above water. I have to be constant for my dc. Face life, difficulties and every day with at least a neutral demeanour. I cannot afford to cry for fear of falling apart. Life is a held breath sometimes 😢

I’ll add one, Facing the choice of either keeping a well child off school or dragging a white faced, in pain, vomiting one into the car To take their sibling in because there is no one else but you.

I’ve gone for option A.

Lost in translation I hear you. Sometimes it would be nice to stop and take a breath x

Anyone else sometimes catch themselves feeling sorry for non lone parents?!

I like being queen of my domain. No arguments, no tension, my children don’t witness sniping or shouting etc. The are so settled and happy.
Yes it is hard but I love it

My kids are donor conceived too @NellWilsonsWhiteHair. I am also tired of explaining endlessly that no, they don't have a father. When my kids were little they used to say to inquirers 'no we don't have one of those in our house'. Both my two are autistic with various other needs and, currently, very poor mental health. They are 10 and 12 and I am so worried about the future. I have a couple of health condiitons that make me vulnerable but am primary school teacher so still teaching. I am v lucky as can afford to work part time as otherwise I would have gone under completely by now. I really worry about what would happen to them if I die.

On the plus side though I don't live with an abusive wanker like one of my friends.

People sometimes ask me if I would like to 'meet someone'. Hollow laugh - I haven't watched TV in the evening in 12 years, let alone gone out on a date.

I also don't understand why people in couples aren't friendlier towards me. I think I'm quite nice, I used to have lots of friends but I just don't get invited to things.

I have another one.

My DC (4 and 8) see their dad EOW and so come home EO Sunday at about 6.30pm by which point I start to put them to bed.

The 4yo doesn't really have homework except reading but my 8yo is assigned several things over the weekend / reading, times tables, mathletics etc.and does exH do homework with her? Does he fuck. And she certainly won't take the lead, she's 8, shes needs sitting down with encouragement and support.

So almost EO Monday last year I got an email from the teacher saying "DD hasn't done her homework again, this is a persistent problem". I consistently replied with exH's email address saying it was his weekend with her, he picked her up from school on Friday so you need to take it up with him. And she'd do it again the next time!! Only ever sent the initial email to me not to exH. I raised it at parents evening and she asked "can you please remind him that her homework needs to be done". No, he's a grown man and I'm no longer his skivvy.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

I have another one.

My DC (4 and 8) see their dad EOW and so come home EO Sunday at about 6.30pm by which point I start to put them to bed.

The 4yo doesn't really have homework except reading but my 8yo is assigned several things over the weekend / reading, times tables, mathletics etc.and does exH do homework with her? Does he fuck. And she certainly won't take the lead, she's 8, shes needs sitting down with encouragement and support.

So almost EO Monday last year I got an email from the teacher saying "DD hasn't done her homework again, this is a persistent problem". I consistently replied with exH's email address saying it was his weekend with her, he picked her up from school on Friday so you need to take it up with him. And she'd do it again the next time!! Only ever sent the initial email to me not to exH. I raised it at parents evening and she asked "can you please remind him that her homework needs to be done". No, he's a grown man and I'm no longer his skivvy.

Similar here

So now back at 4pm on Sunday.

One of those situations where we take it on the chin for the good of our children

@GlummyMcGlummerson that's really bad of the school to chase you for homework and to expect you to prompt ex to do homework with your child.

I had a similar conversation with DDs primary school and they were really supportive. I'd take the issue further and speak to the Head Teacher.

My DDs primary school stopped giving homework to be done over the weekend to support family life!

Only ever sent the initial email to me not to exH. I raised it at parents evening and she asked "can you please remind him that her homework needs to be done"

Had this teacher had no training or even common sense awareness of the dynamics of separated parents?

What did you say?

DS2 was in primary during my very difficult divorce and they were amazing, to both me and DS2.

Please take this further Glummy, so that there is no chance that your DCs are never put in the position of feeling bad for things their Dad should have done with them. They are far too young for that responsibility.

Oh I had this with school, I did some travel for work and ExDH took them out of school for an extended period On the once that he had them in a blue moon. I got the letter to fill in, the Bollocking for refusing to sign something that wasn’t my doing. Apparently I’m main carer so it’s my issue even though I wasn’t even in the country and had organised things (I thought) so they would be there.

This thread is great. My endless fkd offness is that my abusive xh has so many rights but somehow manages to skip having any responsibilities.

Everyone always assumes I must be completely broke or couldn't possibly manage without their help (financial or physical)

I'm not ungrateful, but people who give me things with a side of "you wouldn't manage if it wasn't for me" really get my back up