@Mintjulia oh yes! I've yet to meet a single woman who's deliberately got pregnant for all the "freebies" it's right wing tabloid bullshit!
Yes to family tickets only being for 2 parent families yep! Almost every special offer supposedly for families - never applicable to dd and I! Even ones for single parent families assumed you had at least 2 dc
@SuperCaliFragalistic 👍 I chose to ignore but well said!
@lostintranslation78 Yes, not all experiences are equal and things change too.
My ex, mainly due to me pushing and facilitating and paying, had SOME contact with dd when she was younger. But not consistently or reliably, I didn't dare not be home the whole time because there was no telling when he'd bring her back so I had less freedom when he had her than when I did! Eventually I could no longer afford to do this plus dd figured things out and wanted me to stop so she could see if he'd step up - he didn't, within a year she was lucky if he phoned! She didn't see him for several years until very recently when they've "reconnected" but he's expecting to just pick up where he left off and ignore all those years he ignored her, she is confused, hurt and yet wants to rebuild a relationship with him now as an adult. It's so hard.
I'm still really angry and hurt on her behalf and he hasn't even apologised to her. He's blaming me!
Telling her a shitload of lies which is confusing her further, as it happens I have various things which mean I can disprove his lies but she's not asked for those and has believed me when I've refuted them.
Also I've had some maintenance payments off him so I was very slightly better off at times than others, but this actually also caused serious hardship initially. When I first split from him and was on top up benefits, Cm was still deducted from benefits payments. So he'd pay something one month, dwp would assume he'd pay the rest in cash or later in the month and deduct accordingly. But they were actually deducting more than I was receiving from him. It also took around 3 months of no payments from him before they'd accept he wasn't paying so for one months part payment I'd lose 3-4 months worth of that amount from benefits. I don't have anyone else in a position to help us out so at this time I was frequently going without (food, clothes, shoes, not being home in winter when dd wasn't so as to save on lighting/heating) in order that Dd didn't...
And now he has the nerve to lie through his teeth about paying Cm, "trying" to see dd etc
My sister who I'm now nc with (for lots of reasons) has had a lot of support from my parents in the way of childcare (so saved a fortune in not only paid childcare but meals for dc etc), financial support, emotional support...
Which she really doesn't appreciate!
I'm expected to just cope. If I ask for any help I get 20 questions and "well if you really need me to..."
We've been let down so many times by my mum last minute including at times of crisis that I don't even bother asking any more - and mum plays the hurt card there too! Can't bloody win!
Brother also has not had anything like the support that sister has had. She's very much mums favourite and that crap has been extended to the grandchildren. Dd is the scapegoat and brothers kids the invisible ones and sis kids can do no wrong!
@Sodamncold but yes, there are many aspects that are preferable to being in a relationship especially a bad relationship!
I've a few friends I know their partners/spouses do sod all with the kids or housework wise, where finances are unfairly balanced etc but I don't feel able to comment unless they ask and even then it's tricky as the messenger is liable to be in the firing line!
Much easier on here when such people post and you can directly say to them "he's a lazy/selfish/abusive piece of shit leave him"
But generally by the time people are posting on here they're starting to think that way themselves anyway.
I am of course supportive when they reach that stage in real life too and I hope I advise them well based on my own experiences.
One friend had fallen out with me partly due to me being sick of seeing her put up with such crap, moan about it but never do anything about it, I reached a point I said to her I was always here for her but until she was ready to make a change I couldn't bear to hear any more about his appalling behaviour.
Around 6 months later she'd had enough and got back in touch. He'd blown a crazy amount of money on a poker game and left them short for school uniform for the kids. She'd had to borrow off her parents who aren't the easiest people to deal with.
Kids started school and she told him she'd had enough and they split. She came to me as she had no idea how to navigate cms, benefits etc (she was working part time mainly as he didn't want to pay out for childcare!) and she was also struggling dealing with his being erratic at best with contact.
I hope my advice was right, but we can never really know?
They seem to be muddling through co-parenting ok now although he's still not totally reliable on maintenance/contact she has reached a point she can manage her budget (she's now working full time but it's low paid not many jobs around here), and manages the kids and her own expectations re contact.
Another one when ex did sometimes see dd - not returning clothes and other items! So annoying! He acted like I was making a fuss over nothing, I couldn’t bloody afford to keep replacing stuff!
@GlummyMcGlummerson totally agree school WAY out of order there, I’d have taken that up with the head!
@Hollyhocksarenotmessy
well said! My dd is an adult but I'm still having to deal with exes bullshit as you can see up post