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Original poster

Things that irritate you as a lone parent *lighthearted*

187 replies

earthtopluto · 11/10/2020 23:09

"It must be hard being his mum AND dad" - erm, no, I'm just his mum!

Friend texting me saying "I know how you feel now" after her husband went away for two days.

Also, the loneliness (ok, not quite so lighthearted).

Anything else?

OP posts:
emptydreamer · 12/10/2020 19:02

@thenewaveragebear1983
I think we have the same ex. Mine also posts regularly on Facebook about the challenges of being a single dad. He started an undergraduate degree this year (he already has a degree and masters in a different field) and posted a long thoughtful piece of prose on Facebook and LinkedIn about how difficult it is to juggle single parenthood and own dreams. All the right buzzwords - don't give up, be a role model for your children, don't forget to look after yourself - and hundreds of likes.

What he did not say, of course, is that he sees DC only for four hours every other week - on paper, and much less frequently in reality. And, of course, £50/month in maintenance.

Fatmermaid · 12/10/2020 19:29

Yes to only other single mums really getting it.
And sadly, also yes to single father's being praised for doing the exact same role as society looks down on so many women for. Ridiculous sexism really. Same as when a dad who helps is lorded as a hero ffs

Fatmermaid · 12/10/2020 19:31

@emptydreamer what a twatGrin

TeachesOfPeaches · 12/10/2020 19:35

I've been enjoying a lovely warm bubble bath and glass of wine while my son sits in with me. Heaven. Can't imagine I could do that with a cockwomble nagging about dinner, and who is tidying up the kitchen, whose turn is it to do bedtime and arguing over what to watch on tv 🙄

Single almost 4 years and wouldn't have it any other way.

TheNortherner · 12/10/2020 19:44

Vindictive ex's
EOW meaning kids cant do any clubs on the weekend and nor can I.
People saying 'you'll get used to being a single parent'
People saying 'at least their dad is still in their life', true, but equally he unfortunately is still in mine.
Male judges who have obviously never looked after children in their lives.
No one to laugh/reminisce with about the antics the children get up to.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 12/10/2020 19:56

@Graphista

There’s a very funny Kathryn Ryan sketch on this. I'd love a link to that please?

but people seem to want to convince you you're missing out on something

Yes!

Like the pp who said about people in shit relationships thinking they're better/better off than you!

No thanks!

@SenselessUbiquity yes - frequent daft comments to single parents with precious little "support network" suggestions like "Tesco are recruiting" yes and they're open 24/7 and expect employees to be available for eve and weekends which a single parent simply can't be "ask a friend/relative" do they REALLY think if that were a realistic option we wouldn't have already thought of it?! "Get a nanny" cos it's that easy! Not to mention the cost! And I've been a nanny many don't expect and aren't prepared to be 24/7 workers no matter what the pay.

@Graphista here you go - she's brilliant and has it spot on
SanFranBear · 12/10/2020 20:01

People saying 'at least their dad is still in their life', true, but equally he unfortunately is still in mine - God, yes!!

And a pp mentioned about doing all the chores. Bought both DC new beds and ended up having to take DS's high riser down alone. Misjudged an Allen key, entire top bit fell on my hand, instant bruising with the exposed screw tearing down my finger and mangling my knuckle. Just had to strap it up and crack on (after 5 minutes of sobbing alone in the bathroom so as not to scare DC)... its shit Sad

And that's before the emotional load of just being the only one who actually helps sort their lives!

I'm happy single, would be happy to meet someone but I am never sharing my house again... I'm too set in my ways now!

Graphista · 12/10/2020 20:19

Thank you! That video is SPOT ON!

BlackeyedSusan · 12/10/2020 20:22

signing in. I am single handedly the cause of most of the countries ills. ok probably not corona virus but before then it was either the single mothers or the teachers who should have... and whose fault it all is.

I was once congratulated for getting the children to school on time. In their whole time at Primary school we had five lates between them for accidents that stopped traffic. in the last term we had a couple due to disability.

DilemmaDerby · 12/10/2020 20:26

That video is so true Grin

belle40 · 12/10/2020 20:32

Being told, 'Living in a very small house really suits you'. By someone who is mortgage free in a large 4 bed with her husband.

Aiguablava · 12/10/2020 20:39

What really gets me is being responsible for cooking all the meals. Sometimes I just can't be arsed and want to sit in the sofa with a bag of doritos but I know that DS needs a decent meal and I wish that just every now and again there was someone to take over the cooking.

My best friend tried to tell me that I need to get a new partner a few weeks ago and it wound me right up. I'm very happy just me and DS, I don't know why people can't accept that you can be happy without a partner.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 12/10/2020 20:50

Ugh. Yes the assumption that I must be sexually frustrated and desperate for a man. No flipping way. Definitely not bringing some awful, lazy, needy man into my childrens lives. Love love love being single.

Friends who think I should take on some sad case bloke or that I'll tear the pants off the first man to look at me. No way. I. Have. Never. Been. Happier. Why do some women not understand that? Probably because they're stuck with their boring, smelly, husbands and want me to fit into that Godawful mould too. Urgh.

ChloeR81 · 12/10/2020 20:52

Love this thread.

I hate it when people say ‘i don’t know how you do it’ or ‘oh but you’re amazing, you can just do it can’t you’...as though I’m just fundamentally different to them or don’t get tired, overwhelmed like everyone else. I’m not a bloody machine! I’m the same as you, it’s hard and I’m exhausted and drowning a lot of the time but there’s no other choice...except to just give up and that’s not an option.

Don’t know why it makes me so cross Angry

BlackeyedSusan · 12/10/2020 20:52

thankfully the kids can now go to their dad unsupervised as they are old enough to take care of themselves a bit or prompt their father. After seven years of not leaving them with him unsupervised. I hated the you could just leave them with him and let him learn... what, after they have got run over will he learn to hold their hand near roads? 7 years of working together so that they would be supervised.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 12/10/2020 21:03

Yes @SuperCaliFragalistic why do people think we'd be up for it with any old hideous, personality-less monstrosity of a man because We have "baggage" Hmm

While we're here - the word baggage. My kids are not baggage, they're awesome and it would be a fucking privilege for anyone to have them as part of their lives. Unfortunately for men, there's no one good enough for them Grin

MuserOwl · 12/10/2020 21:10

Oh wow! ouch.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 12/10/2020 21:11

I've also seen a sudden spurt on social media of "this is my partner and my baby daddy out an a day out with my son. Good parents model healthy relationships".

Fuck off smug twat. What about the many women who managed to model healthy relationships by leaving an abusive partner? Sorry they don't want to go to Alton Towers with the man who beat and raped them every day for 4 years.

I'd sooner die than spend the day with ExH. We are pleasant and civil for the kids for the 15 seconds it takes to hand over EOW. but I am not spending Christmas with him, for example, "for the kids". The kids need to see that I'm a human being too with feelings, and to me it's MUCH healthier that they see me taking ownership of my boundaries by keeping away from people who make me sad and uncomfortable, that includes their dad.

Around the time of our split I read on MN a poster who shielded her DD from what her ex was really like. come the teen years, the ex was not doing the same but instead whispering toxic bullshit into the DD's ear, who was under the impression he was a super guy because she'd never been told otherwise. The DD ended up living with her dad (not for long), and it made me so determined to never sugar coat anything for my kids WRT their father

MuserOwl · 12/10/2020 21:11

That was to @belle40 !

MuserOwl · 12/10/2020 21:13

@GlummyMcGlummerson couldn't agree more and I have discussed this with my therapist who has encouraged me to set the scene in my house that ''feelings matter in this house''. Unlike in my still married parents' house. The reason I ended up in an abusive relationship was because I was not allowed to express any feeling that wasn't cheerfulness.

havecourage · 12/10/2020 21:35

Agree with all of these. I only really started to notice the loneliness over lockdown, spent weeks where it was just me and DD. That said I would prefer to be a lone parent anyday than being with someone I can't trust or a selfish asshole.
Another irritant to add is when 4 my year old daughter arrived home from nursery with a Father's Day card she had made, she hadn't seen him in 2 years. I knew she was upset that week but she hadn't to the language to tell me why. I hate that it's assumed there are 2 parents.
I also still get the she looks like him commentsAngry
Respect to all the lone parents out there, you are doing an amazing job. Nobody realises how hard it is til they are in that positionFlowers

ittooshallpass · 12/10/2020 21:53

Not having someone who loves your child as much as you do.

Not being invited to dinner parties because you're not part of a couple.

People assuming your home is rented as you couldn't possibly own your own home.

Sitting home alone on you only childfree night because the friend you planned to go out with now 'fancies a quiet night in with her hubby'.

Not getting a Christmas present, birthday present, Mother's Day card for years...

But... I get the love, smiles and hugs from my DD. I adore her. And she makes me so proud.

Smudge18 · 12/10/2020 22:00

@TheDuchessofMalfy

I think for me, not being a team with anyone.

While on the one hand it’s great being able to make all my own decisions, it’s also hard, wearing and scary to have to make all decisions alone all the time. Being financially responsible for everything, and logistically.

Totally this x
awesomeaircraft · 12/10/2020 22:08

My DM was a lone parent. You have my sympathies and lone parents are heroes.

The hardest bit for her was that couples never invited her for dinners/social things. It was always socialising with other lone parents. Not sure if this has changed or not. I hope it has.

That, and the idiotic married male neighbour telling her that she would be the perfect OW for him as you know, she was local and single. Would make it easier for him. Revolting.

SteelMack · 12/10/2020 22:20

@TheDuchessofMalfy

I think for me, not being a team with anyone.

While on the one hand it’s great being able to make all my own decisions, it’s also hard, wearing and scary to have to make all decisions alone all the time. Being financially responsible for everything, and logistically.

This! Totally this. The responsibility of it is scary sometimes when it isn't shared
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