Things that irritate you as a lone parent *lighthearted*

[earthtopluto]

"It must be hard being his mum AND dad" - erm, no, I'm just his mum!

Friend texting me saying "I know how you feel now" after her husband went away for two days.

Also, the loneliness (ok, not quite so lighthearted).

Anything else?

People assuming I was on benefits with little sly digs about their taxes funding single parents.

Yep, all £6 per week lone parents' allowance which is all I qualified for because my salary was probably significantly higher than theirs!

During lockdown my lovely DSIS had her DP home and constantly complained that all he did was go on his playstation. She had to do everything with her 2 DC and almost daily said to me "I don't know how you do it on your own". I am a widow btw. I didn't choose to be a lone parent 🙄 I also get ah you will meet someone else its what he would want. Um I'm too busy being a mother to 3 DC, one with ASD, to sometimes even take a shower, where would I even meet someone if I wanted to?

Work booking in meetings at 7am or 7pm and being surprised I can’t make it. They all know I’m divorced and that DD only sees her dad EOW. Of course I can’t do a 7am meeting, I have to make breakfast and do school run!!!

The loneliness is a bit shit.

@OllyBJolly I get lots of assumptions my children have different dad's. Apparantly you can't be a single parent without being on benefits or having multiple dad's to your kids

“you need to make time for YOU if you’re tired” - oh ok then thanks I’ll get right on that I’d never thought of it

“You should make their dad step up” - right, have you ever tried taking someone to court to make them see their kids? I’ve always fancied having a bonfire with all my floods of spare cash.

“Take him to the CMS then” - for the resulting £1.50 a week he’ll probably pay in 2056? Well worth the drama

“Just get them off to bed and have a nice glass of wine, that’ll give you a break” hahahahaha

Ermmmm not being able to go on some rides at the seaside/theme park because they are shortarses and need a parent (I have 3).

Having no one to pop out and buy something when I’m already home with them and we lives miles from the shop.

Having to ask for help to move heavy furniture. Took an axe to the last piece I wanted out of a room. Wasteful but cathartic

You’ll meet someone eventually - c’mon that’s highly unlikely and no, I’m not eyeing up your distinctly average looking husband

Oh and the converse to “benefits” because I’m now a high earner “wow the kids must really miss you”.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

"I'm a single parent too really"
Er, your husband is home by 6 every day, do piss off.
"When do you get time to yourself?"
2018.

I think my highlight when I was on my own for a few years with the kids was going on holiday. All the comments about how brave I was to go on holiday by myself. Errr, I wasn't by myself, i was with my children?

The worst was one year in Spain my youngest decided to tell everyone around us at the pool that it was my birthday. The horrified reactions that I was in holiday alone and on my birthday!! (It was a pretty decent birthday actually! No moody twat to spoil it )

Oh yes, the oh I get how hard single parenting is now because by hubbybubs worked away for a week. Oh do fuck off.

For me its the trying to split myself to give equal attention to each child. But I have realised that I just cannot do it. My dd has been very ill and spent a good chunk of lockdown in hospital. So I was back and forth there all the time and ds just had to fend for himself a lot of the time. Then the comments from people like, oh you look so tired, you should take time out for yourself..... Or the best one was why don't you have a change of scene and get away for a weekend. It is more bloody hard work trying to get away for a weekend than staying at home in my opinion. One silly thing is that my two big dogs would have to go to the kennels. They are both need their vaccinations so they have to be done first. So I have to take two trips to the vet as I cannot take two big dogs to the vet at one time.

Anyway that is my current grievance so its fresh in my mind but all of the abovementioned apply too.

But for a big of a lighthearted one. My neighbour stopped speaking to me around the time of my divorce (no clue why) and about 6 months later I bumped into her and unfortunately couldn't do an avoid. She so fakely comes up to me and gives me a half hearted hug, shakes her head and says 'Y'know.... if you had gone to my church you wouldn't be divorced now, you need to work through things in marriage, divorce is a sin and our counsellor in the church could have helped". bwahahaha

My ex cheated on numerous occasions, gaslighted and mentally abused me for years and years, but of course going to church would have sorted out all the problems.

This isn’t remotely lighthearted, in fact it made me rather angry.

Last week I was told by someone that she has it much harder than me because she has two DC and I only have one, despite the fact that she has 50/50 shared care with their father while my DS’s father has not so much as sent him a birthday card in 7 years; she get’s over £400 per month CM plus he takes the DC on holiday and buys branded school uniform and other bits, where as I get a big fat zero; she has a DP who stayed throughout lockdown and who she sees every weekend where as I’m single; and she gets 7 nights out of 14 to herself where I’ve had one childfree night in 12 months, oh and she’s fully sighted, can drive and is quite healthy where as I’m completely blind. It’s much worse for her though, obviously. I mean i’m sure her life isn’t perfect or even particularly easy, but mine is clearly more difficult, and the only reason I might seem like I cope well is because I have no bloody choice.

That's I'm lucky I get a break for 3 hours on a Saturday

That he's still in their lives

That I will meet someone else eventually

I am actually a carer for my youngest son right now so I suppose the "benefits" judgement does apply to me technically I would love to work but its almost impossible he kicks off every dam time its fucking exhausting mommy loves money more than you I can't have the kids today (at quarter to three) you need to get a job AROUND the kids (wanker) and the best one if we were still together (FUCK OFF)

Yes, being told dont worry single mums have it easily financially, not as bad as you think, I know a single mum who's dd has her own pony ( well that's true but she is a solicitor). Still not a penny from cms and its tough!

Yes to so much of this. People thinking they have the right to ask me about my finances.
Neighbours (only one lot) acting in an odd way towards me that I know they wouldn't if I had a man in the house.
YY to people knowing how I feel because their husband is away or saying "I'm virtually a single parent"
The hierarchy of lone parents, where if you're widowed that's acceptable but if your husband just left you that must be your fault and you are in the lower tier
The lack of invitations to dinner ever because it's all couples
All the decision making and having to be solid for your kids all the time 24/7 (harder with teens, for me)
People saying oh isn't exh good because he's given a bit of money or occasionally sees the kids
The stigma, and as pp said, married people saying there isn't a stigma any more
An exh who's a huge pain and who tries to cause you problems
The physical side of doing all the painting, bleeding the radiators, dealing with mice in the kitchen, putting the bins out, etc etc 24/7
Having to spend part of Christmas on your own each year, and then people saying "oh I'd love that"

As above re the people thinking their partner being away is the same, um no emotional or financial support here.

Going to big things for the kids alone makes me weep inside. It was never supposed to be like this.

Mainly though the amount of head tilters that think the situation could never be theirs. Life changed for me in the blink of an eye and it could for them too.

I used to get told how to do things without thinking there was just me and only me. And when their husbands were working away it was the same. And how I should get a second job when I already had a full time one, was studying for a degree and raising DS by myself. And how it was easier for me because I was entitled to benefits which I wasnt. And how social housing was cheap when it wasnt. And how it was cheaper for me as there was only one adult not thinking there was only one wage as well. So little insight and so many opinions

It’s like Schroedinger experiment some times. I have genuinely had a conversation with someone who managed to berate me for having a good job that meant DS was in childcare AND bitch about feckless single mothers on benefits, all in the same conversation. If a child’s father fucks off (in my case because he “changed his mind” about kids when DS was 6 months old) the child doesn’t magically become able to live on rainwater and fairy dust.

It really does piss me right off. Single parents are the ones that stayed, we should be praised not berated. And don’t even get me started on maintenance, I’ve never seen a penny. I understand that he thinks I don’t need it as I have a good job, yet somehow mutual friends think he has given me a fortune which is why DS and I have a nice house. I couldn’t contain myself about that and told them the reality. Now, apparently, it’s sad that I am so bitter. There is no winning.

Mine are adults now and I ve been a single mum for 23 years.
I m constantly told I m still young, ought to get out there and meet someone. I will end up lonely when dc leave home.
No thanks. I m happy on my own and have my cat. She s lovely to cuddle up with and doesn't get drunk or snore.
The only man I ve gone out with lately is my son .
(And my dad when we were allowed to go to each others houses ).

When you go to a cafe and just as the food comes out someone needs the loo so you all have to get up and go and hope the food’s still there when you get back🤦‍♀️

Also the 7pm curfew when they’re really little and if one of them has a hobby or class on having to take both

Women in shit relationships thinking ''at least I'm not single!'' ha ha ha

Yes yes to the

damned if you do damned if you dont

While raising Dd I've been

Full time worker - damned for "neglecting" dd

Part time worker - damned for "neglecting" Dd AND being a "benefits scrounger"

Sahm (actually unemployed due to serious ill health which is invisible and frankly nobody's damn business!) - mainly damned for being a "benefits scrounger" inc filthy looks and the most infuriating of all treating Dd like shit inc telling their kids not to associate/play with her! FUCK OFF!

Dd has been in hospital several times due to her GENETIC disability - that's apparently my fault for being a single parent too - even according to some hcps!

Mainly though the amount of head tilters that think the situation could never be theirs

Ohh yes

If it helps as I've been one a long time, it's very interesting when of course it DOES happen to others...and then they come to YOU for advice!

I've been supportive and I've advised and I've sympathised but I will admit in my head I do occasionally think "and you were soooo sure he'd never leave you and never treat you and dc like this*

I'm always very impressed when on mn threads people admit they were previously smug and unfortunately learned the hard way! Because they could of course name change and not say a word.
*
So little insight and so many opinions yep!

Ohh I've a good one

THE ALMOST COMPLETE LACK OF CRITICISM FOR THE DEADBEAT DADS!!

My children do have different fathers. That puts me in the lowest of the low I guess? I really thought when I married STBEX that I had met someone decent and could put my previous abusive relationship firmly in the past. He let me down so so badly but it's me that now carries the stigma of being a single mum (again) and needing tax credits due to young and SN children,

Might not be a popular one, but I can not stand people assuming her dad is an arsehole.

"I'm a lone parent" is often met with
Wow I detest men who do that to a family/What a prick he must have been/Only a weak man would leave you with a baby.

Maybe he's dead?? Maybe I got a sperm donor?? Piss off.

Doing every school pick up and drop off and seeing other children getting picked up by mum, dad and grandparents who all share the load.