Group chat - scan pic *trigger warning*

[Suneggs]

Person A has suffered miscarriages in the past (one this year). They posted on social media about baby loss awareness week and this post was liked by Person B who commented that they were thinking of them.

However, Person B then (within an hour of liking the post!) posted a photo of their baby scan in the group chat which has upset Person A

Points of note are that it was a private scan and not one done for medical reasons so not announcing the pregnancy or anything. I agree with Person A and think it was very insensitive however other family members disagree.

Who is BU?

I think Person A.

Person B is no doubt sorry to hear of her loss but that doesn’t mean she should have to refrain from ever mentioning her own news to her friends. When she has the baby, does she have to pretend they don’t exist until they’re 18 or Person A also has children?

Massively insensitive. Just wait a day or so and post the photo then.

Also the miscarriage was this year, not last week. If it had been very recent, Person B should have held off a little longer.

We are all sister in laws, none of us blood related.

Person B is no doubt sorry to hear of her loss but that doesn’t mean she should have to refrain from ever mentioning her own news to her friends.

No, but handily that's not what the op suggests - and refraining from posting a scan a mere hour after claiming to be "thinking of" person A in her pain is not very much to ask.

It wouldn't have hurt person B to have waited a few days.

I think person B has of course every right to be happy about their pregnancy but agree perhaps she should have waited a few days at least or sent messages to other members of the group directly. It was a tad insensitive.

You said “in the past year”- that could mean as far back as January - 9 months ago. Now if she posted the picture on the same day as person B announced the loss then I would agree that there is a sensitivity chip missing. However, you didn’t say when this loss occurred- it could have been months ago in which case, person A cannot expect everyone who is pregnant to simply never mention it. That’s not fair either.
Of course loss is hard. But life goes on. I lost my mother at a young age- I cannot expect none of my friends to ever mention their mothers, even if I do find it hard at times.

If it wasn't an announcement it wasn't time sensitive, B should have just waited.

I can see both sides. I can see why person A is upset, but I also don’t think person B should have to hide their own life away.

It’s a really hard situation person B could have been more sensitive definitely been more sensitive but probably just didn’t think for a second. I actually found ‘Baby loss awareness Week’ really difficult last year as a pregnant woman, I had to log out of all social media for the week as every time I logged on I was confronted which another story about baby loss, another picture of parents cradling their deceased baby, another poem about grief. It turned me into an anxious mess, I’m in no way saying that people should censor what they post but I guess what I’m trying to say is we all find things triggering without the person person doing that with any ill intentions🤷🏼‍♀️

Person b is bu.

The bit that I find the most insensitive is that there was no need to share the scan at all. It wasn’t to announce the pregnancy or the sex of the baby. So Person A has been left upset for what? So that Person B could get some attention?

Yeah I've suffered a miscarriage but realise not everything is about me. A will have to see babies and scans and all sorts and it's very sad for them but no one else's fault

@thetangleteaser I understand that. But to be fair, Person A posted on her own social media, she didn’t post it on a group chat where she knew specific people would be reading.

That's a shockingly insensitive thing to do. What were they thinking?!

Not great timing.

Life goes on though, shit things happen all the time to people.

Are you supposed to suppress your joy for fear of upsetting someone?

I can see both sides. I can see how it would feel really upsetting to A and insensitive. I can see how person B was caught up in the moment, regardless of it being an announcement or not and not thinking it through.

I think it should be looked at as not a malicious act though.

I can see both sides, but I’m going to say person A is being a bit over the top about this.

People have miscarriage/ stillbirth all the time ( I had a stillbirth at 32 weeks, so I’ve lost a child. So yes I know how it feels) but that doesn’t mean nobody should ever be happy or excited to be pregnant. And I don’t see the issue with a baby scan in a group chat.

Don’t really get baby loss week, it’s all social media bullshit like #BeKind, mental heath day. It’s meaningless tbh.

I couldn’t tell you what I liked on social media an hour ago and it certainly wouldn’t feature in my mind when chatting on group chats and so on.

@Suneggs but by posting that on social media they may be unintentionally causing other people distress. I’m not defending person B but I think it’s really hard these days with social media and instant message to quickly post a picture or something without thinking it through so it probably wasn’t done with any malice.

Baby loss is horrific and so hard but if person A was to become pregnant and have a scan would they censor sharing that in the future? Again I’m not trying to cause any offence I’m can just see it from many sides

@Gobbycop I don’t think A would have expected B to suppress her joy. It just seemed very odd timing and obviously A didn’t know what the photo was going to be until she opened the chat.

But also understand what others have put and that maybe B just got carried away.

Person A shouldn’t be in a group chat with pregnant people if she isn’t ready to be but obviously doesn’t want to miss out on the group chat and shouldn’t have to.
Person B should be more thoughtful about timing but excitement to share can get the better of you sometimes.

Both are being unreasonable. It’s not a black and white scenario.

@thetangleteaser I think it’s the timing of it all that seemed so insensitive.

But equally A may of caused distress to a pregnant woman with her baby loss post, you don’t really want to see posts about dead babies when pregnant do you?

Bottom line, you can’t win no matter what you do

It's not very nice for the person upset, but I don't get all this posting personal stuff all over, is nothing sacred and private anymore.