Group chat - scan pic *trigger warning*

[Suneggs]

Person A has suffered miscarriages in the past (one this year). They posted on social media about baby loss awareness week and this post was liked by Person B who commented that they were thinking of them.

However, Person B then (within an hour of liking the post!) posted a photo of their baby scan in the group chat which has upset Person A

Points of note are that it was a private scan and not one done for medical reasons so not announcing the pregnancy or anything. I agree with Person A and think it was very insensitive however other family members disagree.

Who is BU?

As us only 3 of you in chat

As I said in the first post, it was a private scan. Not for a medical reason or need.

And even more so if there are only 3 of you. B could have just sent it to you directly.

@MiddleClassProblem Sorry, I did think I’d already said that the scan wasn’t the same day as she posted the photo in the chat group. So sorry that I didn’t.

Many women who are either struggling to conceive or have had miscarriages say scan photos are the most upsetting things to see and that’s certainly my experience.

Know your audience. I don’t think anyone is saying B needs to hide her pregnancy or never discuss it but to share a scan picture with someone who has been posting about baby loss that day is pretty unfeeling.

I think that you made it sound like the scan was the same day as the post and that it was a family group chat YABU...

I just think it's unfortunate A didn't post it on group chat she posted on her own SM so when B posted pic on group chat it's not like it was in a chain of post in the same group.
TBH hard I read anybodies post and B could of not seen A's post

And no matter how long ago she had the miscarriages, I have the ability to understand that the pain isn’t necessarily any less.

then B shouldn't share any pregnancy news whatsoever with A. And maybe she shouldn't.

it was a private scan. Not for a medical reason or need.
if someone is banging on about miscarriage and baby loss, there's obviously a need to reassure herself! And I am saying that as someone who had lost a baby, I can understand how much anxiety a pregnant woman can go through.

It's a very unpleasant way to describe the scan, you don't like B that much do you.

Many women who are either struggling to conceive or have had miscarriages say scan photos are the most upsetting things to see and that’s certainly my experience.

see, mine is that seeing empty (and new) cots and baby equipment is heart shattering...Can't think of a most painful reminder of my own lost baby.

Person A is being unreasonable. Their loss was not recent. I've had miscarriages and tragic bereavements within my family. I don't expect others not to celebrate their own lives every anniversary/birthday that is personal to me.

I've had three miscarriages, one successful pregnancy and am now 22 weeks again and I will never fathom why people post scan pictures. They're not even slightly cute, they all look the same and a lot of people find them upsetting. I also think putting them on Facebook or whatever is just so tacky.

The only thing I can see if B is not a malicious person was that maybe she thought that the idea that there is a baby on the way to the family was a positive idea with hope. Some people see that their plan by is everybody’s baby. She also may not identifying with just how painful miscarriages can be emotionally.

Is B a malicious person? Was there a message attached to photo?

then B shouldn't share any pregnancy news whatsoever with A. And maybe she shouldn't.

There’s a middle ground between sharing scan photos and sharing nothing at all.

@PurpleDaisies

then B shouldn't share any pregnancy news whatsoever with A. And maybe she shouldn't.

There’s a middle ground between sharing scan photos and sharing nothing at all.

clearly not!

clearly not!

What makes you say that?

@Hardbackwriter

I've had three miscarriages, one successful pregnancy and am now 22 weeks again and I will never fathom why people post scan pictures. They're not even slightly cute, they all look the same and a lot of people find them upsetting. I also think putting them on Facebook or whatever is just so tacky.

It makes some people happy, their close ones are happy to see them, what is so hard to understand?

Some people show photos of a newborn, others wait for a more rested pics. People are different.

Tacky would be to post photos of the conception. An unborn happy and thriving baby? Others find that cute...

@PurpleDaisies

clearly not!

What makes you say that?

Because if someone is alerting their family about being upset following their own miscarriage that happened months ago, it's probably safer to keep all things pregnancy related away from them.

Ultimately, no one wants to willingly hurt someone else. Drama is not good for the pregnant mother anyway.

I don’t think person B was insensitive. A hasn’t just had a miscarriage, she only posted something on Facebook.

It’s really depressing how many posters seem to think the grief associated with losing a baby is time limited.

@MiddleClassProblem I don’t think B is malicious, to be fair. But she does always seem quite wrapped up in herself and I think this is another example of that.

No, there wasn’t a message with the photo. So A didn’t know it was a scan pic until she opened the group chat up.

@PurpleDaisies I agree. Really surprised that on a parenting forum a lot of people seem to think that A’s grief is less just because her miscarriage didn’t happen today.

@PurpleDaisies

It’s really depressing how many posters seem to think the grief associated with losing a baby is time limited.

but that's the point, it really is not, and has absolutely nothing to do with some random awareness pic posted on social media.

Is there even such a thing as baby loss awareness week?
I know of the services held by churches in my local hospitals to remember our babies and try to comfort parents from any denomination, I wouldn't even have registered a facebook post. I am sure I am not the only one who "likes" or comment on random posts without really paying them any attention.

Is there even such a thing as baby loss awareness week?

www.sands.org.uk/get-involved/sands-campaigns/baby-loss-awareness-week-2020

@PurpleDaisies I don’t think anyone has insinuated her grief isn’t valid at all or that it’s time limited. More that her grief is personal to her as is everyone’s grief. Like the poster who said about Mother’s Day, massively triggering to some. Unfortunately with grief is that your individual world may stop turning but everyone else’s doesn’t and the world carries on. People are free to grieve for all the time they need, forever if they need but they also have to accept that at times they may come across situations that make that a little bit worse such as a pregnancy announcement and they have to find ways I which to deal with that.

I don’t think anyone has insinuated her grief isn’t valid at all or that it’s time limited.

You’re reading a different thread.

How many posters have said the miscarriage wasn’t recent so A shouldn’t have been upset?