Group chat - scan pic *trigger warning*

[Suneggs]

Person A has suffered miscarriages in the past (one this year). They posted on social media about baby loss awareness week and this post was liked by Person B who commented that they were thinking of them.

However, Person B then (within an hour of liking the post!) posted a photo of their baby scan in the group chat which has upset Person A

Points of note are that it was a private scan and not one done for medical reasons so not announcing the pregnancy or anything. I agree with Person A and think it was very insensitive however other family members disagree.

Who is BU?

I think it was insensitive to post a scan pic within the same day of the other person mentioning baby loss awareness

To those minimising baby loss, shame on you and just because you may have lost a baby doesn't mean you get to decide how others should feel because it happens "all the time". No, people get pregnant and have babies all the time - that is more the norm - and a stillbirth occurs in something like 225 of those.

No one is saying that those who are pregnant or having a baby shouldn't celebrate it but I agree there is no need to post scan pictures in group chats with someone you know has lost a baby.

I feel really sorry for PP who had to read about baby loss before giving birth to her healthy baby

Just to put this into perspective. I lost a baby a few days old last year, my first who otherwise perfectly healthy and full term baby. I then had a miscarriage and have been trying for #2 for about 18 months since then.

I find scan pictures upsetting. I am happy for my family and friends who are growing their families but I don't expect to see those and one of them have been insensitive enough to send them to me. I am still struggling with the grief of having lost my baby along with the stress and pain of infertility.

Even the couples I met though baby loss last year have all gone on to have another baby last year. People who know me know I lost a baby but don't know I also had a MC shortly after and that I now feel completely alone as all the couples who sadly lost a baby like we did have managed to have another child. They couldn't possibly know what goes through my mind when another friend or family member announces they are pregnant.

You can be happy about your pregnancy without being completely insensitive.

You sound like you are a considerate person OP.

@Suneggs

Thank you for everyone’s replies.

A’s husband is B’s brother so he rang B and said he thought it was inappropriate for her to send the scan photo. But B and PIL said they think A is in the wrong and is spoiling it for B.

However when we have all met up, A has always been pleased and excited for B. So it’s not like she is upset over the pregnancy itself. Just over B’s insensitively one this occasion.

I was going to ask if B was the child of the PIL, makes sense why they side with her,

Thattangleteaser it beggars belief that you read that poster's last post and then started yours with "haha".
What a piece of work.

I cannot believe the posters questioning the validity and reasoning behind BLAW. The very fact that some of you (including, it seems, the in-laws) think baby loss should be hidden away or grief has a time limit shows that awareness needs to happen.

The SIL sharing a scan picture with a very small group from a few days previously is totally out of order. Publicly she supports her SIL but privately she’s pissed off and feels as though the shine has been taken from her news. What an utterly selfish way of thinking.

Person sharing scan was insensitive.

@thetangleteaser Why on earth would you put “haha” at the start of your post replying to LoveEatYoga ?

She opened herself up about such an awful time in her life, and that’s your response? Absolutely disgusting.

@LoveEatYoga I’m so sorry for your loss.

@Slightlybrwnbanana I was responding to the last line of the posters post and the last line only.

I have asked Mumsnet to delete my response as I was purely replying to the last line directed at me and nothing else. No one is that sick that they would be laughing at the other part of the post.

@LoveEatYoga I wrote ‘haha’ as obviously your last line was directed as me and I felt it was sarcastic! Your story is heartbreaking and I’m so sorry you lost your baby.