AIBU to go up to bed at 7.30 with DD?

[Genericnewnumusername]

A genuine question off the back of a comment I made on another thread. My DD is four months old - when she was a teeny newborn she’d sleep downstairs in the Moses basket until my husband and I were ready for bed then we’d all go up together. However, for the past probably six weeks or so she’s been having a more regular ‘bedtime’ at about 7.30/8ish. So I bring her up to bed and put her down to sleep, then I stay in the bedroom with her until my husband comes up to bed at a normal time. I’m a FTM and I thought this was what you were supposed to do - stay with your sleeping baby until six months to decrease SIDS risk. However I mentioned this on another thread as if it was an obvious thing that everyone did, and was met with replies saying no one actually does this and it’s just a MN thing, not something anyone actually does in real life.

So AIBU and all PFB to do this? I’d love to go back downstairs and watch tv with DH in the evenings instead but I genuinely just thought I was doing what everyone does!

Personally I’d go downstairs, have a glass of wine and try to relax but having a newborn is about finding your way that works for you. It doesn’t matter what others do.

My little one is nearly 8 months and I still do this

Sounds perfect to me.

I stayed with my baby all the time when she slept and often went to bed early, although not always as early as that. She mainly slept on me downstairs until I wanted to go to bed.

You don’t have to go upstairs but you are right to follow the SIDS advice. I did. My DD still sleeps in with me at 13 months although does nap and start the night alone.

I only did that for the first couple of months when I was exhausted. We just kept DD downstairs with us asleep in her moses basket then took her up at 10.30ish to go down in the cot. She was normally ready for a feed then which worked out nicely.

The staying downstairs until I was ready for bed worked well initially but she won’t settle properly downstairs after about 6.30pm anymore (though she’s fine downstairs in the day for naps) Otherwise that would be the ideal

Never stayed with my dd once i started putting her in her moses basket upstairs. Probably about 10-12 weeks.

We then moved her into her room at 12 weeks anyway

It’s up to you if it works for you do it 🤷‍♀️

That's what we do here OP! I'm not leaving him till 6 months at the earliest. Zero judgement of different opinions to this, everyone parents differently, but I like going to bed with him, plus I get a decent amount of sleep this way too!

Well it sort of works for me in that I do it and I’m getting used to it - but I’d much prefer to be having a proper evening downstairs! I just thought it was what you were supposed to do!

I’ve literally never heard of having to go to bed with your baby and staying with them all night. If you need the sleep then fair enough. I don’t see the point in wasting evenings sitting upstairs when I could be downstairs having some alone time with my oh

I still stay in the same room as my DS when hes asleep and hes nearly 9months.

I'm on my third baby and never stayed with them when they went to bed. They slept in our bedroom but on their own for the first part of the night.
I never actually even thought about it. It's totally up to you but don't feel bad about going back downstairs.

@moonlight1705

I only did that for the first couple of months when I was exhausted. We just kept DD downstairs with us asleep in her moses basket then took her up at 10.30ish to go down in the cot. She was normally ready for a feed then which worked out nicely.

Same here. Once the babies were upstairs and asleep, I used to like the couple of hours with XH before I went to bed. By that point, I'd been doing baby things for about 13 hours non-stop, and liked to have a bit of a breather without them.

Having DC who go to bed after I do is one of the hardest things about teenagers, IMO. You never get a break. So I'd enjoy it while your baby is young, OP.

Around 4 months, maybe even slightly earlier is when I started putting the camera on and putting her to bed before us. She’d normally go down about half 6 and then is about 10. She could no longer settle in the lounge with the telly on and I genuinely didn’t realise how much I’d missed just chilling in the evening with my partner. We invested in a good camera and she was only a few doors away, but it’s completely up to you what you’re comfortable with, there’s no right or wrong

My first baby never slept so I never had this quandry! But with the second, I would put him up and then go back downstairs. I'd be up and down, didn't sit to get engrossed in a film or anything but could have a cup of tea, watch some TV, hang a washing etc and check on baby here and there.

We had a movement sensor with the monitor though so I was happy that I knew he was ok while I was out of reach of him.

My 2nd screamed for hours every evening so was kept downstairs to let the 1st one sleep.

Wish I could have put him to bed and stayed with him. I contemplated throwing him in the bin more than once

But yes, I stayed with my babies while they were sleeping all the time until they were over 6 months.

Could you and DH take it in turns to be upstairs? Or watch something on a laptop with headphones? We did that occasionally.

So do you just sit in the dark with her?
My suggestion would be baby monitor or even one with a camera.
Enjoy your evenings with your DH.

Yes should be in the same room as you until they are 6 months old. So that goes for naps and when they go to bed too. You are doing the right thing.

You do what feels right for you. I did the same and at 6-7 months I spent the whole time downstairs looking and listening to the monitor watching him. I sometime still go to bed the same time as my little one, I'm exhausted and I know if he's up in the night I will be a zombie the next day (he's always been a poor sleeper)

Your breathing helps to regulate there breathing . It's part of safe sleeping guidelines.

You are absolutely doing the right thing - a lot of people don't seem to realise that 3/4 months is, statistically, the riskiest time for SIDS because baby doesn't wake as often for food and has a better idea of day/night so sleeps more deeply.

Most people I know gradually started putting baby to bed alone a little earlier from 5/6 months but only for an hour or two generally.

Yes. You are supposed to stay in the same room as them even they are sleeping until they are 6m. Perhaps stretching to 12m.

Many many people don't

Many do. Either they keep the child downstairs with them (my way) or they go upstairs and enjoy the quiet

I stayed with my babies but not religiously, I would take a shower etc and have a potter about. I had one of those alarms which went off if their breathing stopped.

Hubby and I got a tv in our room so we could chill with baba sleeping. We still have it now as a guilty pleasure.

Ours were upstairs without us for a couple of hours from this age. They would sleep then, and then the second we came to bed it was party time!

You could get a monitor if that makes you feel better.