AIBU to go up to bed at 7.30 with DD?

[Genericnewnumusername]

A genuine question off the back of a comment I made on another thread. My DD is four months old - when she was a teeny newborn she’d sleep downstairs in the Moses basket until my husband and I were ready for bed then we’d all go up together. However, for the past probably six weeks or so she’s been having a more regular ‘bedtime’ at about 7.30/8ish. So I bring her up to bed and put her down to sleep, then I stay in the bedroom with her until my husband comes up to bed at a normal time. I’m a FTM and I thought this was what you were supposed to do - stay with your sleeping baby until six months to decrease SIDS risk. However I mentioned this on another thread as if it was an obvious thing that everyone did, and was met with replies saying no one actually does this and it’s just a MN thing, not something anyone actually does in real life.

So AIBU and all PFB to do this? I’d love to go back downstairs and watch tv with DH in the evenings instead but I genuinely just thought I was doing what everyone does!

[quote Wakemeupwhenthisisover]@mynameiscalypso
I’m very SIDS aware. Very. The guidelines are that you should sleep in the same room as them until 6 months. Not watch them while they sleep for the first 6 months. I slept in the same room for long than 6 months but they napped alone and started their sleep alone, with a monitor on and in safe sleep conditions.[/quote]
That's not what the guidelines say. They're here:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/room-sharing/

They clearly say you should be in the same room as the baby even during the day.

Don't let the negativity that comes with this forum stop you!

The "negativity" is about people rejecting scientifically based best practice guidelines to prevent cot death. One death is too many and a breathing monitor won't help prevent a death. You are very defensive @MrsRose2018 - the OP is following good practice

@Wakemeupwhenthisisover For all sleeps. Not just overnight.

@mynameiscalypso is alerts your when their breathing slows down to a certain amount of breaths per minute which you can set the parameters for! A very loud alert of "weak breathing" sounds! It doesn't only go off of the breathing stops!

I totally get that and I would never try to suggest what works for us works for others but It's enough to reassure ourselves that our baby is safe and happy in his own bed whilst we have our own time!

My dd slept (or screamed) on us until at least midnight. Our flat was tiny so putting her to bed would have been fine if only she slept

So unless you have a heart monitor & something to check breathing (I am not a doctor so not sure what else) connected to you baby and stand the whole time watching them breath

How would you know if your baby is medically ok every second they are asleep?

they should sleep with you in the same room until at least 6 months

I slept when my babies did and in the occasional time when they were sleeping and I wasn’t tired, I would read. It was the most peaceful time of my life and it felt so natural. It passed all too quickly.

As pretty much everyone has said, find what works for you and enjoy it

@seayork2020 are you being deliberately obtuse? The link to the lullaby trust guidelines is up the thread and readily available. The current scientific understanding is that baby being in a room with other people at any time when asleep helps them regulate their breathing and thereby reduce chance of cot death. No one is talking about watching 24/7. And those monitors are just an excuse to leave your baby unattended, not a substitute for following the actual guidelines.

This is why they invented baby monitors. Yes I would check on the baby regularly but no never ever stayed with them whilst they sleep. Surely being downstairs with baby monitor listening out is better than being asleep I can’t imagine anyone staying next to the baby !!

@rattlemehearties if me telling someone to not let the negativity she had experienced in a previous thread do what she wanted to for her baby and or family then ok sure, I'm defensive!

And I actually didn't even tell her not to go against the safe sleeping guidance or to stop or change what she was doing I simply shared what I did and said to do what she felt was right!

Again not here for a slanging match so carry on

@seayork2020 because I honestly thought this was what everyone did until today

I don’t just sit in the dark - I take the chance to read my book (kindle with a backlight) but I just thought this was normal. I’m definitely not trying to make myself a martyr or anything but as a FTM with very little baby/kid experience I’m maybe trying to follow all the guidelines for everything a bit too rigidly perhaps?

I do think part of the problem - as demonstrated by this thread - is that people don't understand the theory behind the guidance. It's not about checking them or watching them on a monitor. It's about them hearing you breath and being able to use that to regulate their own breathing. A monitor doesn't do that!

[quote Genericnewnumusername]@seayork2020 because I honestly thought this was what everyone did until today

I don’t just sit in the dark - I take the chance to read my book (kindle with a backlight) but I just thought this was normal. I’m definitely not trying to make myself a martyr or anything but as a FTM with very little baby/kid experience I’m maybe trying to follow all the guidelines for everything a bit too rigidly perhaps?[/quote]
You are doing the safest thing for yourself baby. There is a reason for the guidelines!

@Pumpkinnose from what I’ve read it’s not about you being there ‘watching’ or watching on the monitor. It’s about the fact that the baby is more likely to regulate breathing properly if they are in a room with other people. A monitor isn’t a substitute for this

Jesus, are we supposed to do this? Aren’t you bored stiff?
I have a four month old and I put him to bed at 6:30 and leave him to it. I have a monitor on. He’s slept through for a really long time though. He’s also in a room off ours now.
Am I a bad parent? He’s my first, too. I’m obviously not very PFV.

Never heard of this. Almost Everyone I know put baby to bed in parent room with a monitor. For first 6 months then had a free evening... some put in own room earlier.

I don’t know anyone who does this in real life - from about 12 weeks when he had an earlier bedtime I’d get him to sleep in his next to me cot, put the monitor on him and go back downstairs.

Into own cot at approx 4 months and own room . Switch monitor on and stay downstairs.

I do this with my 19 month old still. Most of the time I'm so knackered after having her all day so I'll get a few hours sleep. I'll occasionally sit with DP in living room for an hour or two but I enjoy my own company and watching some crime stuff in the bedroom while she sleeps. I'm pretty happy with it tbh

Mine are all grown up now but I was a complete worrier, more so with my second for some reason. Anyway I bought a Snuza breathing monitor that clips onto the nappy. From memory, I think it vibrates if no breathing is detected and an alarm will sound. Did go off a couple of times and scared the life out of me, he was fine both times so not sure what happened.
Gave me great peace of mind.

I am amazed at the people who aren't familiar with the guidelines. It's fine to know them, understand them and take, in your opinion, a calculated risk but sleeping is one of the only things that babies do so I would have thought they'd be much more widely known.

There is no evidence that breathing monitors prevent SIDS please be aware of that it you're using one. I'm not saying they don't have their uses but read up on breathing monitors and SIDS if you're ignoring guidelines because you think a monitor is a safeguard.

I do it! But then I’m on mumsnet! My friends kept a baby monitor downstairs and kept looking at it rather than going up. As long as you have some way to monitor your baby it’s all good. When does your baby wake up, if you went up later would you get enough rest?