AIBU to go up to bed at 7.30 with DD?

[Genericnewnumusername]

A genuine question off the back of a comment I made on another thread. My DD is four months old - when she was a teeny newborn she’d sleep downstairs in the Moses basket until my husband and I were ready for bed then we’d all go up together. However, for the past probably six weeks or so she’s been having a more regular ‘bedtime’ at about 7.30/8ish. So I bring her up to bed and put her down to sleep, then I stay in the bedroom with her until my husband comes up to bed at a normal time. I’m a FTM and I thought this was what you were supposed to do - stay with your sleeping baby until six months to decrease SIDS risk. However I mentioned this on another thread as if it was an obvious thing that everyone did, and was met with replies saying no one actually does this and it’s just a MN thing, not something anyone actually does in real life.

So AIBU and all PFB to do this? I’d love to go back downstairs and watch tv with DH in the evenings instead but I genuinely just thought I was doing what everyone does!

I think I saw that thread too, @Genericnewnumusername. I was surprised how many people seem to ignore the safe sleeping advice, and I’m with you. Baby will be napping and sleeping overnight in the same room as me or husband until at least 6 months, overnight likely until he’s 1.

Never heard this. If youre worried get baby monitor and an angel care. Thats what we did then you dint have to worry they stop breathing as the alarm goes off. In fact I still use it on 2 and 4 year old so I know if they get out of bed when they shouldn't!!

@mynameiscalypso

You are absolutely doing the right thing - a lot of people don't seem to realise that 3/4 months is, statistically, the riskiest time for SIDS because baby doesn't wake as often for food and has a better idea of day/night so sleeps more deeply.

Most people I know gradually started putting baby to bed alone a little earlier from 5/6 months but only for an hour or two generally.

This.

Should add have baby in room with you overnight when you are asleep, but while you are awake you don't have to sit next to them!

I've never heard of this and never did it.

We always did this. She's 15 months old now and we get into bed to watch tv her when she goes to bed at 7pm 😂

@Morechocmorechoc

Should add have baby in room with you overnight when you are asleep, but while you are awake you don't have to sit next to them!

The safe sleep guidelines say there should always be someone in the room with the baby when they sleep (whether for naps or overnight)

Ds went to bed at 6, we had dinner then and had a free evening, I never thought this was odd?

Yes I would . Regardless of what other people do or stating their kid was fine , having the baby is the same room until 6 months is, as someone said above, part of the safe sleeping guidelines, which have as a whole reduced SIDS, so it is the right thing to do.

LITERALLY you do you OP!!

We had hell with our newborn! He was late term perm and wouldn't sleep unless he was on us so We had to do it in alternating 3 hour shifts from 9pm for the first month or so! Never got to sleep or cuddle or spend time with my husband but it's what we needed to do at the time!

However after about 2 months he started going down in his snuz pod so we just let him snooze on us downstairs and then took him up with us to our room when we were ready for bed!

NOW he is nearly 16 weeks and he sleeps in his nursery every night from about 8pm! I have to say I personally love putting him down and having dinner and a cuddle with my husband whilst we watch tv (with or without a glass of wine ;) )

Basically you do what works for you when it comes to sleep and seriously F anyone who tells you otherwise!

Fed, warm, dry, loved = all that bloody matters xx

You'll get lots of replies on here from people who don't follow the safe SIDS guidelines. Maybe they don't understand them. You currently are following good practice. Go with your gut and what works for you. (We kept sleeping baby with us in the living room early evening then moved upstairs when we went up. Your breathing and noise regulates their breathing.)

Sorry just to add, you are absolutely following the guidelines, we are not! But it works for us!

And we have a nappy clip that runs on an app on our phone that shows his breathing and his ambient body temp! We also have a breathing mat which will alarm of his breathing stops/drops so that's how we manage to be ok with it x

We kept her downstairs with us as she was happy to crash wherever till she was older than 6 months. She started settling for the night around the same time every night so I’d feed her to sleep downstairs then take her up and put her in her cot. She never moved into her one room as when we started thinking about it lockdown hit and the nursery is now DH’s office.

Every family is different OP. You'll still get people on here happy to put their newborn into a separate room which seems anathema to me, and is against safe sleep guidelines. If DD hadn’t continued happy to settle with us downstairs i/we’d probably have gone up with her and read or watched something with headphones in.

@MrsRose2018

LITERALLY you do you OP!!

We had hell with our newborn! He was late term perm and wouldn't sleep unless he was on us so We had to do it in alternating 3 hour shifts from 9pm for the first month or so! Never got to sleep or cuddle or spend time with my husband but it's what we needed to do at the time!

However after about 2 months he started going down in his snuz pod so we just let him snooze on us downstairs and then took him up with us to our room when we were ready for bed!

NOW he is nearly 16 weeks and he sleeps in his nursery every night from about 8pm! I have to say I personally love putting him down and having dinner and a cuddle with my husband whilst we watch tv (with or without a glass of wine ;) )

Basically you do what works for you when it comes to sleep and seriously F anyone who tells you otherwise!

Fed, warm, dry, loved = all that bloody matters xx

Uh and alive bloody matters?! SIDS guidelines (eg Lullaby Trust) are very clear on newborn safe sleep. "You do you"

@MrsRose2018

Sorry just to add, you are absolutely following the guidelines, we are not! But it works for us!

And we have a nappy clip that runs on an app on our phone that shows his breathing and his ambient body temp! We also have a breathing mat which will alarm of his breathing stops/drops so that's how we manage to be ok with it x

But surely those kind of alarms only let you know once baby has stopped breathing? Which is a bit late? The idea of being in the room with them is to regulate their breathing so they're less likely to stop, not that you'll notice something is wrong.

Basically you do what works for you when it comes to sleep and seriously F anyone who tells you otherwise!

Fed, warm, dry, loved = all that bloody matters xx

It’s a wonder they bother with safe sleep guidelines at all if that’s true...

@Genericnewnumusername

I did the same thing until someone pointed out at 4 months you can actually leave them in another room while they’re asleep. Keep a monitor on so you can check the room temp ect. I’ve got two now and didn’t do it at all with the second one. Both fine.

I used to just let her sleep in a Moses basket down stairs with us. Added bonus she got used to sleeping through tv/noise. And then I used to leave her with her dad in said basket while I slept solidly till like 2 am, as I wasn’t half listening out for her, and he would just bring her up when she woke for a feed. It meant I could switch off, and always felt like I had a deeper sleep. Probably didn’t but it felt that way 🤣

[quote Wakemeupwhenthisisover]@Genericnewnumusername

I did the same thing until someone pointed out at 4 months you can actually leave them in another room while they’re asleep. Keep a monitor on so you can check the room temp ect. I’ve got two now and didn’t do it at all with the second one. Both fine.[/quote]
Well, you can leave them in another room while they sleep from Day 1 if you like. Doesn't mean that it's not contrary to the safe sleep guidelines.

I'm not going to enter into a MN bickering match!

You do you, if you want to stay with your baby do so. If you want to put them down and go downstairs do so. Don't let the negativity that comes with this forum stop you!

@mynameiscalypso no it's "live" so it goes up and down every given second according to his breathing!

I do wonder why people complain about how they never get time to themselves and how hard it is being a parent and how exhausted they are when they don't take breaks when they can do

@MrsRose2018

I'm not going to enter into a MN bickering match!

You do you, if you want to stay with your baby do so. If you want to put them down and go downstairs do so. Don't let the negativity that comes with this forum stop you!

@mynameiscalypso no it's "live" so it goes up and down every given second according to his breathing!

Yes, but presumably then there's a delay while you have to go into the room etc. Maybe only 5-10 seconds but that would be too much for me.

@mynameiscalypso
I’m very SIDS aware. Very. The guidelines are that you should sleep in the same room as them until 6 months. Not watch them while they sleep for the first 6 months. I slept in the same room for long than 6 months but they napped alone and started their sleep alone, with a monitor on and in safe sleep conditions.

@seayork2020

I do wonder why people complain about how they never get time to themselves and how hard it is being a parent and how exhausted they are when they don't take breaks when they can do

Um, because they want to minimise the risks of their baby dying?

We stayed with both of ours until 6 months and followed safe sleep guidelines. I was very anxious about SIDS and knew it may happen anyway but I didn't want the guilt if I hadn't followed guidelines and I may have prevented a tragedy happening.

I don't understand how people say they haven't heard of this- safer sleep guidelines have been around since the back to sleep campaign about 30 years ago. All parents have heard of cot death/ sids- you'd think all parents would do some basic research about risks etc?