Horrible massage experience

[earthtopluto]

Just went for a massage. Booked online and selected a female massage therapist. When I got there they said she wasn't available as she was self isolating however another therapist would be with me shortly. She was just finishing up. In the mean time, fill in a form, undress, get on the bed, cover myself and relax. I did exactly this, put my head in the hole, waited, and the therapist came in. HE apologised for being late. I froze and was extremely uncomfortable as I was almost naked and about to be massaged by a man. I don't know why but I just assumed that it would be a woman as I had specifically asked for a certain person who was female. His name was Shahin and I wasn't aware that this was a male name as well as a female name, so didn't question it. I am a victim of domestic abuse, and experienced a lot of sexual abuse from my ex partner. I went in to fight or flight mode and just lay there and let him massage me. I'm sat in the car now just glad it's over. My jaw is actually hurting because of how tense I was. I know I should have checked beforehand and am not placing blame on anyone, I just needed to share this with someone as I am feeling nauseous and mentally drained from the experience. I feel like I was past this and that I would be able to cope in a situation like this, but clearly I am not as strong as I thought I am. Am I being pathetic?

YANBU at all. I haven’t been through what you’ve been through, and I still wouldn’t want a massage from a man. People can say that’s ridiculous, but I just wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I’m sure loads of people wouldn’t mind, but enough people will that they should at least mention it beforehand. Hope you’re ok x

@HaggieMaggie

Sacro-illiac problems here too, but I go to an osteopath. Always female, just feel more comfortable stripping down to my big knickers.

I do osteopath and massage.

I’m not personally bothered about the gender of the therapist. But if someone has requested a gender specifically, it’s inexcusable to swap last minute.

Horrible situation but not their fault.

It was entirely their fault.

• OP should have been contacted first thing to say that therapist couldn’t make it.
• Failing that she should have been told as soon as she arrived and given the choice of alternative therapists or to cancel with no charge.
• Disgraceful practice.

That’s really awful OP, so sorry this has happened. They should have let you know. I would write to them and let them know it’s unacceptable to do this without checking first.

I would not have a massage by a man. My right. I also have that right protected under the arc equality act. The sex of my masseur needs to be woman. It’s not gender it’s sex.

@earthtopluto - have you decided whether or not you're going to send them an email? I really think you should and I agree with the person upthread who is trying to get this sort of consideration brought into the training.

I don't think you should necessarily ask them for a refund, as that will probably come directly from the massage therapist's money (depending on the set up at the place you went to) - but you should definitely highlight their deficiency in patient/client care.

And I'll say it again about the bum massage - even if people on here have never had one, it doesn't make it "unusual" - people with low back pain will often have their buttocks massaged, as it quite often stems from there. With elbows too, yes! because you're trying to get through a lot of tissue to get to a deep muscle within the buttocks. But it may not happen with a simple relaxation massage, as deep tissue work is not part of that routine.

No point in anyone keeping on saying "it's not normal" - it actually is. Just you (whoever keeps saying it) have never had one.

Deep bum massage is perfectly normal in a sports massage. But not in a normal relaxation massage.

You poor thing. I'd have done the same

They should have checked. It's just basic stuff.