to know I ABU but don't care

[TangoQueen]

My sister-in-law is using Covid to avoid inviting shed loads of family to her wedding- she had admitted this to my husband.

I created this account to vent as in real life people would think I was unhinged. I am ranting and chundering to myself.

I wasn't invited to her wedding and my husband did speak to her but she said there were restrictions, he accepted this until I pointed out his wife wasn't even in the top 30. Now the numbers are even less so I am even less invited but he still wants to go.

I am pissed off , what is the point of getting married if nobody treats you like family?

I know I sound unhinged but I don't care. She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews. This marriage is elevating her partner to family status. I should have this status.

People moan on here about in-laws but mine never bother with me although polite when I meet them but the parents and siblings used to go out on their own for lunch every week before Covid and I was never invited even if I wasn't working.
I have told my husband I won't forgive him if he goes.

I really couldn't get that worked up over it.

THe couple have to choose 15 people to share their special day - 15! How many did you have at your wedding?

Her wedding, her choice, particularly in the current climate - who knows when these restrictions will end? I can understand why you're hurt, and I would be disappointed in your shoes, but it doesn't sound like you like her much - do you really want to go and celebrate her wedding, or are you just upset that she doesn't recognise your status? It's understandable but yes, YABU.

Her wedding = her way

You have no right to use emotional blackmail on your husband and threaten your relationship just because you feel like you should be treated as 'higher level family'. This is his sister's decision, why on earth should she have to wait until she's in a position to invite more people? That could take months. Anyway, judging by your attitude, I doubt you'd be welcome even if she could invite half the country.

Self centred much? She wants to get married, she is doing this under difficult circumstances, you aren't any sort of a factor in her choice, and neither you should be.

Funny that her getting married may end your marriage if you start dishing out selfish ultimatums. Why would you do that yo your husband?

You don’t like her. You don’t want to go to celebrate her getting married. You want to go because you feel she should have invited you and you’re pissed off. Why would she want someone there who’s got so much negativity about her?

Is there a backstory to your relationship? Expecting her to cancel the whole thing so "the mother of her nephews" can come makes you sound really silly and entitled.

Yabu, I think you were being unreasonable even when she could have 30 people! Of course you aren't going to trump her mates!

I imagine she is really struggling to select 15 guests. Let your husband go to his sister's wedding and you can enjoy not having the faff of going to a wedding - which as lovely as they are, sometimes they really aren't the most convenient way to spend a weekend.

This is a tough one, and I think there are clearly a lot more issues than just the wedding here. On the wedding issue alone though I can see why you would be hurt but you aren't close and I think if I were to get married in these unusual times and I could only have the people I was closest to then I would leave the sil I wasn't close to out in favour of my friends/other family member. I don't think it's fair to put that ultimatum on your husband.

What's the story with the weekly lunches? Who goes? Are other partners invited?

Would she have made your top 15 guests for your wedding?

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You already knew this. That’s two minutes of my life I won’t get back.

It’s wrong to say your husband can’t go to his sister’s wedding. I don’t know about you not forgiving him but he shouldn’t forgive you for that.

What?

She gets to have 15 people to her wedding and you think you should automatically be one of them because you married her brother. She didn't choose you for him.

It's her wedding she gets to pick who goes and it would be petty and vindictive of you to insist her brother not be there just because you can't be.

Now the numbers are even less so I am even less invited but he still wants to go.

How do you get ‘even less invited’ than ‘was not ever invited’?

You sound ridiculous.

I'd be annoyed too. You're obviously not dh's priority and are sidelined by the lot of them.
I take it your dc are invited?

I don't think this is as much about a wedding as it is about you feeling left out from your husbands family.

You ANBU in that respect it is horrible to feel left out of a family when you should be classed as family.

I know I sound unhinged but I don't care. She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews.

To be honest I think she should cancel it altogether and spend the money on sculpture of your golden womb.

Its pretty mean to have said that to your husband. It is not a competition, you are his wife she is his sister, totally different. I get that feeling excluded must feel horrible but please don't guilt trip your husband it's not fair. Why do you want to go so badly? Would you even want to attend if you got an invitation now in light of what's already happened?

I got married just before Lockdown, and by then I was more than ready and so looking forward to being married. If I had been forced to wait, and then I was finally able to get married but with restrictions, I'd jump at it.

There are no words......I feel sorry for your husband

Op, I'm afraid if your post is a reflection of your personality, then there is a good reason they don't invite you to things. You haven't come across as likeable.

She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife
😂

15 people is very little though... surely everyone accepts that everyone’s partners can’t come too

@OP be kind