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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to know I ABU but don't care

330 replies

TangoQueen · 08/10/2020 10:12

My sister-in-law is using Covid to avoid inviting shed loads of family to her wedding- she had admitted this to my husband.

I created this account to vent as in real life people would think I was unhinged. I am ranting and chundering to myself.

I wasn't invited to her wedding and my husband did speak to her but she said there were restrictions, he accepted this until I pointed out his wife wasn't even in the top 30. Now the numbers are even less so I am even less invited but he still wants to go.

I am pissed off , what is the point of getting married if nobody treats you like family?

I know I sound unhinged but I don't care. She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews. This marriage is elevating her partner to family status. I should have this status.

People moan on here about in-laws but mine never bother with me although polite when I meet them but the parents and siblings used to go out on their own for lunch every week before Covid and I was never invited even if I wasn't working.
I have told my husband I won't forgive him if he goes.

OP posts:
Heartofglass12345 · 09/10/2020 10:10

What day do they go out for lunch every week? Is it like on one of your only days off with your husband or is it while your in work? It would bug me if it was say every Saturday and he only had the weekend off, but I wouldn't care otherwise. I used to meet my mum and sister every week for coffee, I never even thought to invite my husband Confused I don't think they're excluding you because they want to meet up just the family, it's not as if everyone else's partners are invited and you're not Hmm

frazzledasarock · 09/10/2020 10:13

I'm getting married next week (hopefully), and it is immediate family only, I didn't extend invites to partners as we wanted a friend each to attend as well and they have roles in the wedding.

Your SIL is not snubbing you, it is not personal. She probably does prefer a smaller wedding, to be honest I would have preferred nipping down to the registrars during a lunch break and getting the marriage done. But my DP wanted a wedding for his parents sakes.

SIL preferring a smaller wedding is also nothing personal to you. Some people hate being the focus of attention and being surrounded by hundreds of guests who absolutely had to be invited.

It is completely your own issue that you invited people you had no connection with to appease and please other people. This is not SIL's fault in any way.

Lastly having 13 guests, as 2 include the bridge and groom, is not easy to work with. I seriously hope that my friends and DP's extended relatives are a lot more understanding than some on here are being. This has been the most stressful event planning I have ever had to do, we've spent so much money on invitations being re-printed, cancelling things, and it's not as simple as re-scheduling when things calm down, as firstly, when will that be? Secondly we want to get married where I am venues are booked up till 2023, I am not waiting that long to get married.

As far as I'm concerned with regards my wedding, I'm so stressed out at even having the event, individual guests who are not invited now don't even figure in my plans, not as a personal thing but I have no capacity to waste any mental energy on people who are secretly feeling angry at not being invited.

changerr · 09/10/2020 10:22

Was far more "offended" (although not really!) by relatives who have had 'destination weddings' and only invited a dozen people or so pre-covid! But it's their choice!

Have a feeling the destination wedding trend has gone out of favour, thank goodness.

ZoeCM · 09/10/2020 12:13

Lastly having 13 guests, as 2 include the bridge and groom, is not easy to work with. I seriously hope that my friends and DP's extended relatives are a lot more understanding than some on here are being. This has been the most stressful event planning I have ever had to do, we've spent so much money on invitations being re-printed, cancelling things, and it's not as simple as re-scheduling when things calm down, as firstly, when will that be? Secondly we want to get married where I am venues are booked up till 2023, I am not waiting that long to get married.

As far as I'm concerned with regards my wedding, I'm so stressed out at even having the event, individual guests who are not invited now don't even figure in my plans, not as a personal thing but I have no capacity to waste any mental energy on people who are secretly feeling angry at not being invited.

Please don't worry! Almost no one would be angry at not being invited to a wedding in these circumstances. Most people will sympathise.

Itawapuddytat · 09/10/2020 12:54

There are not even "top 30" and "top 15" as the wedding guest list is divided between "the groom side" and "the bride side". So, taking the bride and the groom away (and maybe the celebrant and the photographer) the bride would need to choose first her "top 14 or13 favourite people" and then reduce it to "top 6 or 7". This barely leaves room for really close relatives like parents, grandparents, siblings, maybe 1-2 close cousins she could have grown up with, and the very best friend(s). The +1s, especially the +1s she doesn't not have much to do with. and the ones who don't care about her too much... well, won't make either of these VERY SHORT lists.

I understand you are upset, these are your feelings. However, YABU, sorry.

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