to know I ABU but don't care

[TangoQueen]

My sister-in-law is using Covid to avoid inviting shed loads of family to her wedding- she had admitted this to my husband.

I created this account to vent as in real life people would think I was unhinged. I am ranting and chundering to myself.

I wasn't invited to her wedding and my husband did speak to her but she said there were restrictions, he accepted this until I pointed out his wife wasn't even in the top 30. Now the numbers are even less so I am even less invited but he still wants to go.

I am pissed off , what is the point of getting married if nobody treats you like family?

I know I sound unhinged but I don't care. She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews. This marriage is elevating her partner to family status. I should have this status.

People moan on here about in-laws but mine never bother with me although polite when I meet them but the parents and siblings used to go out on their own for lunch every week before Covid and I was never invited even if I wasn't working.
I have told my husband I won't forgive him if he goes.

I get vents 'xyz happened, I am having a moan no one has to agree, I get i am totally being unreasonable yadda yadda yadda'

We join in have a laugh and giggle

But OP you really do see to be having issues

[quote Nymeriastark1]@ZoeTurtle

"To be honest I think she should cancel it altogether and spend the money on sculpture of your golden womb."

😂😂😂[/quote]

piss funny that

raddled
Brilliant quips. Although in all honesty I do wonder if op is hurt at never making the cut. Never being included and this is the final straw.

Clearly op it is unacceptable behaviour to forbid your dh from going. But it looks as though you have a dh problem.

YABVVU. Should she invite you rather than her best friend, for example? Rather than her siblings? Those are the choices they're having to make.

Maybe they don't want to wait until Covid restrictions are relaxed (and fuck knows when that will be...). Maybe they want to crack on with their lives.

I've seen lots of these posts now, am I the only one who literally wouldn't give a shit? I hate weddings lol It would be a total relief to not be invited

Sorry but you do sound a bit unhinged. You do realise that people have had to dramatically cut numbers from normal, and that there are two people getting married so your SIL didn't have 30 spaces to invite people even before it was reduced? You clearly aren't close to your in laws so why would SIL choose you over people that she is close to?

Having a tantrum and refusing to forgive your husband if he goes to his SISTERS wedding is hardly likely to elevate you to this status that you crave

Why do you want to go if you don't like her?

Yep you do sound unhinged.

Using covid as an excuse? Maybe she would prefer a small wedding and now has the opportunity to do that without (most) people being offended at not being invited. Not everyone wants a huge wedding.

Your husband should of course attend and you should not give him a hard time. Never forgive him? You are being ridiculous. Of course he should attend his sisters wedding!

As for including a cousin because you felt sorry for her being an only child - I am lost for words.

Your comment about why bother getting married if noone treats you like family is so bizarre. Surely you married your husband because you wanted to marry him? Did you particularly choose to only date someone with a large family? Some people have little or no close family. Are they not marriage material or would you just co-habit if you fell in love with someone in that position? Do you see how bonkers that sounds!?

OP you know you are being unreasonable and it’s good that you’ve had an online rant.

I think it’s hurtful if you’ve been left out of family events like family lunches for example. Some families are like that but the norm is to be involved, accepted, invited and even “embraced” .

However you can’t be offended in this case with your SILs wedding and please don’t ruin your own marriage over it.

Like someone said above, you’re a martyr and people pleaser (I have been too so I get where you’re coming from). But you can and should change it so you don’t feel obliged to make others happy. It’s ok to put yourself first, it’s not selfish. Best of luck

Although in all honesty I do wonder if op is hurt at never making the cut. Never being included and this is the final straw.

Indeed. I really do hope that OP is lightheartedly giving form to her dark inner monologue or stropping because she's been foolish in an argument and knows she needs to appologise. We all think and do bad things sometimes.

If so, we are doing no harm in pointing out the batshittery. If she really thinks that then Holy Fuck!

I don’t think you’re necessarily a horrible person

Why do people comment without reading the OP?

YANBU to feel this is the straw that broke the camel's back. YABU to berate your DH.

"Now the numbers are even less so I am even less invited" - sorry, that made me laugh.
"but he still wants to go" it's his sister, you don't even like her.

I have nothing really to say other than a very childish ha ha ha ha ha ha. Suck it up hun - she clearly has more important people in her life. Get over it.

Can I politely suggest you go and have a wank or a nap or something to regain some kind of level of calm?

She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews. This marriage is elevating her partner to family status. I should have this status

I have told my husband I won't forgive him if he goes

Solid gold loon.

Weren't you the lucky one, having a lovely big wedding in times of non-pandemic.

I guess she has half the allocation and her partner the other half. They have hard hard choices to make.

You are being a Guestzilla and telling your poor DH that 'you will never forgive him' is outrageous.

Attending the wedding does not define family.

How about you get a grip of yourself and consider welcoming tour BIL-To Be into YOUR family by arranging a celebration dinner for them soon after the wedding?

No one should invite anyone they don’t want to their wedding that they are paying for. You invite people because you want their company on your important day. Not because they are family.

Maybe try being nice to your SIL and she will want you around at important events.

I know everyone's taking the piss but if you try to stop your DH attending his sister's wedding, that will be a decision there's no coming back from.

They don't have to like you or invite you to lunch. You married her brother, not her. Some people treat in-laws as family, some don't.

Either way, stop being such a twonk!

I think the thing that comes across from your post is that you want your status as sister in law acknowledged rather than actually being hurt that you don't get to share in the joy of the occasion.

My sister in law (DH's sister) is lovely, I get on with her well and have never had an argument or issue between us, we consider each other family. That said there's no way she feels the same about me than she does about DH (her brother). If DH and I got divorced we might never see each other again where as obviously he's her brother and that will always be the case. Likewise I love my brother's wife, couldn't have picked a nicer lady, never any issues between us but I don't feel the same about her as I do my family members who I've known my whole life and will definitely continue to know our whole lives.

Delaying the wedding just to massage the ego of her brother's wife is barmy. 30 people isn't many when you include close friends, siblings, grandparents, uncles and aunts etc. Of course it makes sense that spouses aren't invited when in normal circumstances they would be.

You sound like a spoiled, entitled, selfish brat, stamping your little feet and shouting "It's not fair and I'm never speaking to you again!"
And you have the nerve to call yourself a people pleaser🤪
Get over yourself love.
You did your wedding your way and your sil will do hers as she sees fit under very difficult circumstances.

* the mother of her nephews*

This honestly made me laugh out loud!!

@raddledoldmisanthropist

Unfortunately, because one kind poster has described op as a 'people pleaser' she has jumped on that positive personality assessment, and will afford no self reflection based on the other 99% of posts.

I presume that poster meant to write bunny boiler but got confused.

You sound childish and hard work. 15 people means that each partner gets to have, 6 or so friends and relatives and that's it. That's barely enough to cover most people's parents, siblings and best man/best woman.
Of course your husband should go to his own sister's wedding. Get a grip - think of it this way, if you weren't invited because they don't really like you then this is a great way for you to save face.

It was wise you name changed
I bet your history is bloody horrifying!

"the mother of her nephews"

Is that similar to Mother of Dragons, or is it a lesser status??

I honestly think it’s embarrassing that you made your DH ask her. Whether she’s ‘using it as an excuse’ or not the simple fact is she can only invite 15 and she’s not wrong for not inviting a SIL (it sounds like she barely sees and probably doesn’t like that much).