to know I ABU but don't care

[TangoQueen]

My sister-in-law is using Covid to avoid inviting shed loads of family to her wedding- she had admitted this to my husband.

I created this account to vent as in real life people would think I was unhinged. I am ranting and chundering to myself.

I wasn't invited to her wedding and my husband did speak to her but she said there were restrictions, he accepted this until I pointed out his wife wasn't even in the top 30. Now the numbers are even less so I am even less invited but he still wants to go.

I am pissed off , what is the point of getting married if nobody treats you like family?

I know I sound unhinged but I don't care. She should cancel her wedding until she can invite her brother's wife, the mother of her nephews. This marriage is elevating her partner to family status. I should have this status.

People moan on here about in-laws but mine never bother with me although polite when I meet them but the parents and siblings used to go out on their own for lunch every week before Covid and I was never invited even if I wasn't working.
I have told my husband I won't forgive him if he goes.

You're vile. Wouldn't want you at my wedding.

Don't you secretly admire her balls though OP? She clearly doesn't like you and has been true to herself by not inviting you. Too often we people please, so this is refreshing

Your husband must be a bloody Saint.

My sister-in-law is using Covid to avoid inviting shed loads of family to her wedding- she had admitted this to my husband

Care the expand??

Presumably the groom gets to invite some of his family/friends too? 15 is so few....

This is possibly one of the most unreasonable things I've ever read on Mumsnet.

I have huge admiration for people getting married at such a difficult time and not being able to have the wedding they dreamed of. I cannot believe you think like this.

Tbh you sound like a total pain. Their wedding isn’t about your status, and they’re perfectly entitled to have whomever they want there. I understand that weddings are not what people were hoping for or expecting because of Covid, but they’re the ones actually suffering because of that, not you. They’re so limited in numbers that it’s not surprising they’re having to make tough choices.

It’s also clear that you don’t like the family, so why do you even want to go?!

@TheSeedsOfADream

Your husband must be a bloody Saint.

Bet he's looking forward to the wedding for a few hours away!

Do you actually understand that it's a bit shit for her that she can't have more than 15 people at her wedding? Maybe she wanted a fancy wedding with 150 people like you. She isn't going to get that now.

Her marriage isn't about the wedding OP, and it certainly isn't about you. She probably has very good reasons why she wants to be married now rather than waiting until she can have a big wedding. That are fuck all to do with you.

My best friend since childhood of 20 plus years is getting married and she can't have any of her friend group. None of us have told her to cancel the wedding. You are unhinged.

Yes, yes you do sound unhinged. Your status?

I think we can all see why she wouldn’t want you to attend her wedding.

Ok.Ok. Even I am laughing at the golden womb thing. I don't think I am horrible, but recognise I am a 'people pleaser' and have unrealistic expectations.

She definitely didn't want a big wedding and thinks the Covid restrictions have done her a favour.

I will go off now and scream silently. I feel better now though I have got it off my chest even if you all think I am unhinged.

DH and I discussed this. We'd have found it impossible to cut to 15 as he has a lot of siblings. We said (though totally hypothetical) that in this circumstance we'd only have our parents as witnesses. Then have a big shindig with our whole family at a later date. Stops any hurt amongst close family?

How many siblings are there?

You don't have to go to a wedding op! I'd be celebrating!

You say you won't forgive your husband if he goes to the wedding. Does it occur to you that he won't forgive you if you emotionally blackmail him into not going?

Plus, I would have paid good money not to have to go to any of my SIL's three weddings.

15 people is nothing. I'm planning my wedding for 2022 at the earliest to (hopefully) avoid having to make such cuts.

you are saying you're not horrible but to say you wont forgive your husband for going is emotional blackmail. why shouldn't he go? couldnt imagine my partner being so pathetic - do you suffer from fear of missing out? I cant believe you are so entitled you think someone else should cancel their wedding for you. I'm astonished

Op you know Yabu but still,you can't blackmail your husband over this.
If you have called down,can you coherently tell us more about your relationship with your soon to be sil?

Calmed not called!

Yabu.
You can't make him not attend his sisters wedding.
Nothing is as they planned before March.

I know I sound unhinged but I don't care

You really do.

I have told my husband I won't forgive him if he goes.

Get help.

oh get over it

Thing is even it's 30, it's really 15 from your sil's side? so now even less, 15/2 makes you can only invite 7/8 from each side. I don't think her brother's wife would be the priority before her family and close friends.
Sorry you feel this way, but YABU.

Sorry but if it was me, I'd want family (actual family not married-in family) and my best friends. With weddings there's a lot of 'I'm inviting him so I have to invite her' so you'd of course be invited in normal times, but if she's limited to 30 of course it should be her 30 favourite people. YABU.