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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of people worrying about Christmas

189 replies

HyperHippo · 07/10/2020 15:41

Tbf I am not always a big Christmas fan due to the usual family worries and loss etc so that probably changes how I look at it.

But this year of all years I am just hoping for a quiet one where I can go with the flow, be it a small or big Christmas. Instead, I have had masses of messages debating what we will be allowed (due to Covid) to do, what Plan A, B, C, D and E should be depending on the rules and panicking that we may not be able to see one another.

These are lovely family members who I love very much, but I guess I just feel like there is so much else going on this year. I am sure we will see each other at some point over the Christmas holiday, even if in smaller groups, that it just doesn't seem something to be stressing about.

I also feel the personal upset some people are showing that they may not get a full on Christmas is a little self-centred with everything going on. All these family members live with partners/children so there is no one being left alone if we are unable to do a joint Christmas as usual.

Totally get we want something to look forward to but it is extraordinary circumstances and we just need to wait and see!

OP posts:
justhereforthecraic · 07/10/2020 16:40

i agree that we need to wait and see and thats what i have been telling people who approach the subject. However, Christmas to some people is the most loveliest time of the year and with everything going on, they do want something to look forward to and to spend time with family/friends.

For me, i love christmas Grin me and my DP split our Christmasses One year its with his family (15mins over the road) and the next year is with my Family ( in a different country) . We have no children yet!! This year is my time to go home but that may not happen. Im hoping i can as its been a crappy year for my family and Covid-19 was just the icing on top of a shitty year! I think my mam would cry if she couldn't do her usual Christmas eve buffet and fuss over what time me and my DSis would be getting up the next day for present opening...( we are both in our 30s).

To be fair, Christmas is only 2 months away...... Wink

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 07/10/2020 16:46

YANBU and I’m a Christmas nut. I can appreciate it’s no more important than all the other religious festivals that have had to be curtailed this year.

It’ll be fine. It’s one year. It’ll be quiet and for some that’s different.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 07/10/2020 16:47

The rule of 6 has been an absolute gift to me this year , all I want is a quiet day !

Sirzy · 07/10/2020 16:48

The problem is at this point people do normally start planning and preparing especially if they are hosting.

ComDummings · 07/10/2020 16:50

It’s only 2 months away and people are sick of the stupid ‘rules’ so are understandably anxious to plan things.

Seeline · 07/10/2020 16:51

I think Christmas is a sensitive time for many and the thought of not being allowed to do certain things or having to miss family traditions is hard.

I have never had a Christmas Day with just my own little family, and TBH I think it would be rather lovely. But my DS is just about to head off to uni for the first time, and I have no idea whether he will be allowed to come home for Christmas. Also it would mean both my mum and MIL, both in their 80s, would be completely on their own if we are not able to mix households (we would be ok on the rule of 6). Both of them are usually heavily involved in church activities but of course haven't even got that. I think we need to be aware of others situations this year in particular.

ComDummings · 07/10/2020 16:52

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

The rule of 6 has been an absolute gift to me this year , all I want is a quiet day !
I think a lot of people feel this way! I’m in a ‘local lockdown’ area and can’t have anyone in my house or garden at all. I kind of like it this way (I am unsociable at the best of times) although I’m sure in a few more weeks it’ll be annoying!
Blurp · 07/10/2020 16:55

I do feel for anyone who'll possibly be on their own, that's hard.

But I agree with you that there's no point in panicking about Christmas being a small affair this year, with your household only. People who are majorly stressing that they can't see their 30 relatives and therefore Christmas will be ruined... I don't really get it. Yes, I'd like to see my sister and parents, but ultimately 25th December is just another day and we'll have to make the best of it whatever happens. As long as none of us are on out own, we'll be fine.

Figgygal · 07/10/2020 16:56

Well my flights home for Christmas to see my family for the first time in a year (my kids are desperate to go) have been cancelled today so yeah I am worrying about Christmas
some of us have to plan early

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/10/2020 17:00

I get those who live alone may want to know if they can visit others but don’t get the rest of the angst in the main. It’s just one day, it’s not much to sacrifice in the big picture that is currently going on. We have numerous ways of keeping in touch thanks to technology.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/10/2020 17:05

It’s all very well saying there’s a lot going on this year. The shitter things are the more people need something to look forward to. One of the hardest things for loads of people is not being able to plan anything as this nightmare stretches further ahead of us all.

Christmas is an anchor in the year and it’s perfectly normal people want a positive focus for their energy and attention.

If you’re unwilling or unable to take part in planning within your family it’s okay to be honest and say you’re not there yet and you’ll leave it much closer to the time to decide what you’ll be doing.

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 07/10/2020 17:06

What gets my goat are those who moan & whinge every year about having to do the big family Xmas and “would give anything to have a quiet one”, now moaning & whinging that they might get the one thing they’d “give anything” for Grin

PenCreed · 07/10/2020 17:07

@Figgygal

Well my flights home for Christmas to see my family for the first time in a year (my kids are desperate to go) have been cancelled today so yeah I am worrying about Christmas some of us have to plan early
Exactly. I live at the opposite end of the country to my parents so have to plan the trip in advance. We've not seen them since last Christmas as they're shielding, and it's been a rough year for them with deaths in the family. We're going up to see my parents the week before, then to my ILs in the South West for Christmas - with travel we do need to know if it's happening or not. If we can't travel then fine, we'll stay home but it would be good to know sooner rather than later.
Redcups64 · 07/10/2020 17:09

Xmas can be a sensitive subject for many.

However, (and this is mean) I pray the rule of 6 still stands when it’s Xmas day.....please! I just want to relax and enjoy time with my kids, not have people ‘popping in’! (His family, and I can’t really say no for any valid reason)

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 07/10/2020 17:12

Sorry I didnt mean to be flippant about other peoples circumstances, but for us it will be lovely for ds just to stay home and play with the toys Santa brought just for once . Usually hes ferried around to his dads and his grandparents and is so overwhelmed by all the presents he ends up not even opening some of them .
It's just me and ds and this year it's his dad's turn to have him xmas eve for the first time , so looking forward to spending time just the 2 of us

BlenheimOrange · 07/10/2020 17:13

I think all the planning is a way of feeling like you have some control over something, in a scary and uncertain world. So it meets a psychological need, as well as being about having something to look forward to. My mum is doing this a little bit too, and I know it’s meeting the same need for her, as I meet for myself by planning when I’ll do a craft with my DC, or whatever.

I think it’s harmless, and just try and let it wash over me a bit.

MirandaWest · 07/10/2020 17:15

I live 160 miles away from where my mum and dad, and sister and her family live. Haven’t seen my sister since last Christmas and as both we and they have two children then as things stand we can’t meet.

Have seen my mum and dad twice since last Christmas - once in June after my DHs mum’s funeral for a couple of hours and when they came up here for a weekend in September.

Christmas for us has the DC here on Christmas Day, then they go over to their dad’s house until boxing day or 27th December. Then we go down to see my family for a few days (and would have seen DHs mum Sad).
If the current restrictions stay then we can’t do that. Our Christmas isn’t massive by any means but it is an important time of year for us

lioncitygirl · 07/10/2020 17:16

Yabu. Perhaps the people planning HAVE to plan in advance - travel, logistics etc? You can’t possible know everyone’s circumstances so perhaps to judge them is not great. Perhaps they’ve had an exceptionally bad year and Christmas is the only thing they are looking forward to? My mother is on her own as my grandmother just died - I worry for her at Christmas with travel and if she even can - judge me all you like.

1990shopefulftm · 07/10/2020 17:20

We were originally planning to take our soon to be born son to meet family and friends around Christmas, we ve not seen most of them since last year.

Now we re not sure it ll be possible so aren't making solid plans and then setting ourselves up for disappointment ,as all of the ones I d thought about during this pregnancy got cancelled so I want to be realistic.

Zeebeezee · 07/10/2020 17:22

Christmas is a totally manufactured thing designed to get us through the Winter. Religious people accept this too I think. There is no evidence of a Jesus born on 25th December, with due respect.

Anyway a bit of a reset might be a good thing. Instead of whizzing up and down motorways for hours to visit out of duty (and love sometimes I know), focus on your own unit.

If there was a HUGE snowstorm or other devastating weather event, well we would be stuck anyway.

HelplessProcrastinator · 07/10/2020 17:26

The lack of things to look forward to and inability to plan is grinding me down to be honest. I still have to go to the office 5 days a week as I manager had suddenly decided we can no longer effectively work from home, but nothing in the horizon to bring relief from the gloom. Christmas has been a time of light in the darkness and good cheer for thousands of years, since before it even was Christmas. It’s just unrelenting hard graft with no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

CruzControl · 07/10/2020 17:30

Yes, YABU.
I'm not a big fan of Christmas either but your OP reads as "AIBU to think everyone else needs to stop being upset about something important to them because it's not important to me?". Christmas is very, very important to a lot of people for many reasons. Think about something that's important to you and ask yourself if you'd be worried about losing it - that's how they feel about Christmas.
It's ironic that you're angry about them being "self-centred" when you're the one saying no one should care about something unless you care about it.

Leylafrenchie · 07/10/2020 17:33

I just feel like there is so much else going on this year

What else has been going on? Everything’s been shut. I feel like this year has been a utter waste of time. Having Christmas to look forward to is nice although I have no plans at all to listen to the ‘6 people’ only rule on Xmas day.

garlictwist · 07/10/2020 17:35

It's three months away isn't it?

stayathomer · 07/10/2020 17:39

But you don't know that all year people weren't secretly thinking 'at least it'll all be okay by christmas!' and now they're struggling and again secretly hoping.

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