To be fed up of people worrying about Christmas

[HyperHippo]

Tbf I am not always a big Christmas fan due to the usual family worries and loss etc so that probably changes how I look at it.

But this year of all years I am just hoping for a quiet one where I can go with the flow, be it a small or big Christmas. Instead, I have had masses of messages debating what we will be allowed (due to Covid) to do, what Plan A, B, C, D and E should be depending on the rules and panicking that we may not be able to see one another.

These are lovely family members who I love very much, but I guess I just feel like there is so much else going on this year. I am sure we will see each other at some point over the Christmas holiday, even if in smaller groups, that it just doesn't seem something to be stressing about.

I also feel the personal upset some people are showing that they may not get a full on Christmas is a little self-centred with everything going on. All these family members live with partners/children so there is no one being left alone if we are unable to do a joint Christmas as usual.

Totally get we want something to look forward to but it is extraordinary circumstances and we just need to wait and see!

I'm disappointing for a lot of people. On the bright side, it might make some people think about the not-so-thinly veiled racism of the remarks pointed at the Muslim communities in Luton, Leicester, Bradford etc. when those areas were put in local lockdown. It was just as miserable for them to have Ramadan and Eid spoiled and as some of the comments show, there will be a minority of people flouting the restrictions at Christmas just like on those occasions.

@Porcupineinwaiting

Of course you'll worry and it may indeed be a bit crappy, but Christmas 2021 will be amazing.

Not for those who will be dead by then.

Is not the case in any given year @BathtubGin?

I'm dreading Christmas but not because of the rule of 6. We aren't allowed in anyone else's houses so it'll just be me, dh and dd. Which is normally lovely but he's nightshift on Christmas night and boxing night.

This year is the first year that dd totally understand Christmas and he'll have to spend most of the afternoon in bed.

Then once she goes to bed ill be sat alone on Christmas night. I cant even have a drink as I'm pregnant.

However we are going to have a big Christmas dinner on the 24th for the 3 of us with lots of snacks etc and trashy TV.

I do spend evenings alone when he is working just now but for some reason Christmas seems worse.

Then he's working nye as well.

I agree , Christmas Day (apart from being my mums birthday) is just another day and people can always see each other every other day of the year.

I live alone and enjoy Christmas, but honestly if we end up in another lockdown and I can’t go to my partners or parents house, I’ll be quite happy cooking a little Christmas dinner for one and just getting blotto on vino in front of the tv with some Christmas films! (In fact I quite like the idea! )

Your not unreasonable, if you have the time off then the way your planning sounds great. but in the same breath some people don’t get a lot of time off so can be stressful trying get round family. Personally I only get 2 days and and both sides want to see us and spend time. It’s stressful in that you don’t want to upset anyone and I’m an only child with a single parent so I couldn’t imagine leaving my mum alone over Christmas.

Yes you are unreasonable. It’s fine to be laid back if your parents are young and healthy but that’s not a lot of people circumstance. One of my colleagues dad died of covid and it doesn’t look like she can be with her mum at Christmas. Another’s mum went in a nursing home a few weeks ago and she can’t have comfort of being with family, let alone at Christmas. Normally I’d go with the flow but my elderly mum’s memory is rapidly declining and I’m very sad my daughter won’t have the memory of probably last Christmas. Thus whole year has been hard. I’m sure there are very sad stories out there. So your post to me seemed unnecessary and self centred.

Fed up with

To be honest I think people can worry about whatever they want so yes YABU. For some people xmas is a special time with their families that they may not get to have that may mean even more after an entirely shitty year

I always do christmas dinner for the grown up kids, their partners and grandchildren. They never seem to want to have it at their own homes or offer to host us, it's just kind of fallen to me to do it every year. I love them to pieces but to be honest this could be my only chance to have a year off for once where I can relax and chill on Christmas day. I'm happy for it to stay in small numbers this year and apart from my own selfish reasons I think if people are allowed to have larger family gatherings on Christmas day we will be all paying for it in January when the numbers go back up.

I grew up with just my parents and no family around over Christmas due to us living 400 miles apart and I remember them being the best Christmas days. When we actually did move back to our home town (age 12) every Christmas after that was the worst... Because we had visitors, grandparents, family for dinner. My parents were always busy cooking, tidying up the mess from opening presents, all the presents up stairs... It was not fun. People who stress that they won't have a big family dinner are nuts, and might actually find that Christmas without all that nonsense is far better. Leave the family dinners for boxing day, new years day or sometime.

I have always loved entertaining family and friends at Christmas. The more people round my table the better. This year it isn't going to happen and I doubt I will see any of my family. I haven't seen my sons since last Christmas and it will be a long time before I see my grandchildren since they live abroad. I'm not worrying about Christmas. I know it's going to be pretty miserable and I'm fed up that it all seems to be starting as early as ever. How am I supposed to order my turkey from M&S when I think there will just be the two of us and DH will be asleep?

I live in another country. Christmas is the only time I get to see my family. I’m anxious that I might not get to see them because of everything happening and my parents aren’t getting any younger. So yes, YABU.

Agreed. It's WAY too early to be even thinking it about IMO and I'm Christmas obsessed!

It just seems like they are looking for something else to worry about when the rest of us have Covid fatigue.

Just send them a message saying: I'm hopeful things will go well at Christmas but right now this topic is nowhere near my agenda, let's all discuss this at the beginning of December please as I've a lot of other things to deal with between now and then. Thanks for your understanding.

Then leave them to it and don't answer any messages or questions and repeat the above as necessary.

Agreed. Too much of a deal made of Xmas. Waste of money that most dont have.

I am looking forward VERY much to a quiet Christmas with some Zoom calls. I think it’s a great time to have no over-indulgence/waste - but simple things, how we can help our community/supporting a charity.

It’s not just a day for many, so yes, it does weigh on people’s mind. I would love it if my parents, sisters etc lived round the corner, but the reality is we live in another country and we don’t get to see each other unless we travel. Christmas means everyone gets time off work, kids are off nursery etc. Grandparents get to see a snippet of them growing up. Even if we postpone for a few months, that’s more annual leave, more tickets/travel costs and a longer winter for grandparents who are really looking forward to seeing the kids.
No one is saying it’s the worst thing to happen this century but cutting people a bit of slack under the circumstances wouldn’t go a miss. Things you value, others don’t and vice versa.

But for those saying its too early to think about, its not like normal years where you can say everyone is welcome on chriatmas day and you'll cater for whoever can make it, or that you want Christmas day for dhs family, boxing day for your side etc.

If you have dcs and you have siblings who have dcs, you need several events to fit in seeing people.

Imagine you have 2dcs, you have 1 sibling with 2 dcs and your dp has 2 sibling with 2 dcs each, both sets of parents alive and one elderly grandparent still going. How many events will that take now? When many people dont have holiday leave left so will only have Christmas day, boxing day, the Sunday and the Bank Holiday Monday to juggle and everyone else's family needs to juggle too.

It'll take more planning and making sure everyone fits in with each other than just "mine Christmas day, yours boxing day, swap next year!"

Myself and my bubble will be happy enough to just get something from the freezer or a chinise if necessary on Christmas day. Santa stuff all bought anyway. I can understand people who are religious being upset at not being about to attend services. And for Halloween family time and indoor fun. All we can do is stay safe and look after each other ❤️

I'd be suggesting to those stressing that perhaps we all need to plan for the worst, and hope for the best. . .

@mbosnz - I think the problem is planning for the best (no restrictions) or the worst (back to full lockdown) is easier than the middle ground we are probably planning for.

Families with 2 adult dcs who both have partners and 2dcs each cant spend the day all together with their parents. So families who normally all get together are trying to plan round how to see everyone, with no more than 6 at a time. You can't just pop in for a couple of hours on Christmas morning then go to the other set of grandparents, unless they are definitely not hosting anyone else that day.

Those stressing about it now want to see everyone at some point over the festive period. They are trying to work out how to do that within the rules and work commitments.

Not being able to see anyone would be worse, but easier. Families that normally have 8/10/12 together on Christmas day (then everyone does something else boxing day) are having to have a rethink.

Well ds(18) just moved into halls for uni, so yes we are a little worried if he will be allowed home for Christmas or not. I only spend every other Christmas with them anyway as they’re at their dads’ the other year. He’s also barely seen his younger sister or grandparents this year and understandably would like to know if that will be possible.

Love love love christmas but dislike the idea of being ill or making my family ill more! so tree up, chocolates, bedsocks and tv this year

I think as long as none of our parents/grandparents are on their own on Christmas Day we are just going to have to get on with it.
I for one are looking forward to Xmas Day with just DH ( something I’ve secretly craved for years) and preferably abroad in the sun - of course if there’s anywhere open to travel to!
Apart from big selection boxes for my Grandkids I’m not even going Xmas pressie shopping. I’m just going to give the 2DS with children an amount of money for them to go away for a fun weekend in the spring My sister and other DS I’ll send a gift via good old Amazon