To be fed up of people worrying about Christmas

[HyperHippo]

Tbf I am not always a big Christmas fan due to the usual family worries and loss etc so that probably changes how I look at it.

But this year of all years I am just hoping for a quiet one where I can go with the flow, be it a small or big Christmas. Instead, I have had masses of messages debating what we will be allowed (due to Covid) to do, what Plan A, B, C, D and E should be depending on the rules and panicking that we may not be able to see one another.

These are lovely family members who I love very much, but I guess I just feel like there is so much else going on this year. I am sure we will see each other at some point over the Christmas holiday, even if in smaller groups, that it just doesn't seem something to be stressing about.

I also feel the personal upset some people are showing that they may not get a full on Christmas is a little self-centred with everything going on. All these family members live with partners/children so there is no one being left alone if we are unable to do a joint Christmas as usual.

Totally get we want something to look forward to but it is extraordinary circumstances and we just need to wait and see!

But this year of all years I am just hoping for a quiet one where I can go with the flow, be it a small or big Christmas.
Why not just make a decision and say you’ll be planning a small Christmas with your household and they can get on with planning or panicking without you.

People have lots of reasons for wanting to plan ahead and some are reasonably anxious that they may not see loved ones etc, you don’t need to be involved with it if you don’t want to.

I think people are really hopeful it will be normal by then. And are worried about those who are on their own. I've actually had an argument with DH today about MIL who is wanting everyone to go to her. She still thinks all will be gone by Christmas and I keep telling DH we have to assume the worst. We are having DBro to visit (he lives alone so will be joining our bubble, rest of family are very far away so he can't go there) so can't have MIL without breaking the rules. SIL lives abroad so although she desperately wants to come home might not be able to (and she has her partner there so at least wouldn't be alone). And then BIL and his partner have decided they want to have Christmas alone, don't seem to care about MIL at all, whereas I think they should be ready to step in and either have MIL or go to MIL so she isn't on her own. Suspect we'll have to break the rules and have her and DBro if SIL can't travel because there's no way I'm leaving lovely MIL on her own. But we have DC at school so it would be much less risky for BIL to have her. His partner was a selfish fucking pain in the neck last time they were here for Christmas so this does not surprise me at all.

Christmas is important to a lot of people and its okay for them to be upset about it not panning out as they wanted or expected. We all have different stressful difficult stuff to deal with at the moment and talking about it is a stress reliver for some people

I also feel the personal upset some people are showing that they may not get a full on Christmas is a little self-centred with everything going on.

Christmas 2018: just after my third miscarriage of that year. I was not in a good place.

Christmas 2019: baby DD got out of intensive care at 5pm Christmas eve, following her third serious hospitalization in as many months. Christmas plans with family cancelled as DD not well enough.

Christmas 2020: me, DH, and both kids and healthy and happy and desperately looking forward to seeing family.

Yep, we are worried about the potential for christmas plans to be spoiled again. I don't really care what you think about that, OP.

YANBU. I totally agree! I'm a single mum of two 8 year old twins. I've told them we could well be on our own and suggested they plan the day between them. So they are drawing up a list of games they want to play (the chocolate game being number 1!) And they are deciding on the menu for every meal which we have agreed we will cook together. That generated loads of excitement and lists...
Cant bloody wait!

We've decided that whatever happens we will all be meeting up, and if we have to, we go into lockdown as one household. At the end of the day, I go to work and interact with too many people, there are 30+ people in my side of the office all sharing the same facilities, the DC go to school and interact, I can guarantee you they are not social distancing - they have told me they aren't -, we all have to go to the shops, lots of people still use public transport (mainly the DC). We meet so many people every day so why don't we see our families if we want to. We could always hope for a sunny day and have BBQ turkey in the park which is perfectly legal as long as we sit in groups of six and shout at each other from under different trees . Or we might just redesign ourselves as a sports team for the day.

I don't understand why people are worrying either OP. For many a quite Christmas without the hassle will be a blessing. For others, they just need to become one big happy household and be prepared to have to stay together for weeks if the inevitable happens.

I’m busy planning a nice Christmas. I’m working Christmas Day (12 hour shift) but want to make the time we are together nice. We’ve just lost a family member and it’s made us want to hold each other close.
I couldn’t care less what others think.

It'll be just me, DH and our two DD for the first time in years.
I'm not planning spending a fortune on food and drink as it's just us.
Still looking forward to indulging on all the food, just on a smaller scale.
I'm looking forward to it.

@CruzControl

Yes, YABU. I'm not a big fan of Christmas either but your OP reads as "AIBU to think everyone else needs to stop being upset about something important to them because it's not important to me?". Christmas is very, very important to a lot of people for many reasons. Think about something that's important to you and ask yourself if you'd be worried about losing it - that's how they feel about Christmas. It's ironic that you're angry about them being "self-centred" when you're the one saying no one should care about something unless you care about it.

I don’t think the Op reads like that at all. To me there’s the acknowledgment that lots of her friends and family find it important. It’s not that other people want to celebrate but that the obvious fact that making plans, trying to organise groups of friends and family and fussing over Christmas in general is a bit pointless. I’ve booked a cottage back in May so we can see DH parents this Christmas (we did mine last year). However everyone knows this year it will be subject to circumstance and if it needs to change it will. There’s no plans so see anyone even though I’m sure we will.

It’s totally pointless and I agree that making Christmas a big thing this year is daft. Hopefully the more comments listed aspects will be radically trimmed down too.

@PurpleTomatoes

We've decided that whatever happens we will all be meeting up, and if we have to, we go into lockdown as one household. At the end of the day, I go to work and interact with too many people, there are 30+ people in my side of the office all sharing the same facilities, the DC go to school and interact, I can guarantee you they are not social distancing - they have told me they aren't -, we all have to go to the shops, lots of people still use public transport (mainly the DC). We meet so many people every day so why don't we see our families if we want to. We could always hope for a sunny day and have BBQ turkey in the park which is perfectly legal as long as we sit in groups of six and shout at each other from under different trees . Or we might just redesign ourselves as a sports team for the day.

I don't understand why people are worrying either OP. For many a quite Christmas without the hassle will be a blessing. For others, they just need to become one big happy household and be prepared to have to stay together for weeks if the inevitable happens.

Do people seriously have this little imagination? A quiet (I assume you mean totally solitary in my case) Christmas for some will be fucking depressing as it will be exactly like today, and yesterday, and oh wait, the day before that and, oh, yes, most of the days since last March. A bit of time on your own knowing that you have something to look forward to is one thing. Months on end with no end in sight is something else.

The other option of 'one big happy household' (lol) is not actually possible for everyone, for example people who have jobs they have to do 200 miles away from this happy joined household.

So forgive me if my two options are looking pretty fucking bleak and therefore my moaning is annoying and/or confusing you somewhat.

As someone who has already had to come to terms with not seeing my family for Xmas, having not seen them since January...it's shit. The realization sent me in a horrible depression for about a week. I've picked myself up and accepted it's the way it is. But not seeing your family for a year and having nothing to look forward to is shit. So bleak.

I feel sad for people who don't want to see their own families at Xmas.

@CruzControl

Yes, YABU. I'm not a big fan of Christmas either but your OP reads as "AIBU to think everyone else needs to stop being upset about something important to them because it's not important to me?". Christmas is very, very important to a lot of people for many reasons. Think about something that's important to you and ask yourself if you'd be worried about losing it - that's how they feel about Christmas. It's ironic that you're angry about them being "self-centred" when you're the one saying no one should care about something unless you care about it.

Yep- exactly my thoughts.

Just because Christmas isn’t important to you OP doesn’t mean it’s not important to others. Many people will be alone and not through choice.
How would you feel if someone told you “oh just stop moaning about that thing that’s really important to you”?

I’m sorry but you’re being very unkind

@WhereamI88

As someone who has already had to come to terms with not seeing my family for Xmas, having not seen them since January...it's shit. The realization sent me in a horrible depression for about a week. I've picked myself up and accepted it's the way it is. But not seeing your family for a year and having nothing to look forward to is shit. So bleak.

I feel sad for people who don't want to see their own families at Xmas.

Sending you big hugs as I know the feeling. Last Xmas was crap for me as my nephew was in hospital and my son with flu so barely saw my sister. So was looking forward to see them this year. It’s been cancelled already twice and I won’t be able to this Xmas neither. I booked a trip to Edinburgh because I didn’t want to stay at home like any other day... with the news today seems my Xmas will be like any other day ... hoping I can see my family in April 2021

I totally agree that the best approach is just be chill and play things by ear, mainly because it's the only possible approach that won't make you crazy.

That would mean thinking about the things that are important and making contingency plans - like making sure the elderly relative who lives alone isn't left alone over the holiday.

But I think we can expect people will be pretty worked up. In part because we have become used to Christmas being ramped up, but also because a lot of people like to be able to make plans, and they are increasingly struggling with the almost total impossibility of making any long term plans. They are struggling with not living normally, with the rules changing all the time, with not seeing people, with worrying.

Personally I think that we will soon be running up to where people are going to reach the limits of what they will accept without some kind of plan in place that includes a timeline with some real dates.

I'm worried about Christmas. I want my daughter home. First year at uni... in Wales, we are in England. The thought of her first Christmas even possibly being without us being like this just breaks my heart. Why the hell would i not worry?

Thank you @EasterIssland. I will be fine and not really moaning in real life, but I am getting annoyed about all this talk about just putting up with it, lucky to be alive etc. I am forced to wfh, have no friends within less than an hour away and no family in this country. So I see no one other than DP. Spend most of my days alone and then watch TV with DP when he comes home from work. And that'll will be Xmas day too.

I find the stories on TV about old people stuck in care homes particularly desperate. It's like we've all forgotten humans need to socialize.

Fine, understood we need to put up with it but no need to be unkind, OP.

I think Christmas is understandably the focus for a lot of people this year. Of course it's upsetting if they think plans may be scuppered.

@Whereami88 - that sounds tough.

I dont understand why some people seem to not grasp the way we are being expected to live is emotionally unhealthy.

Christmas this year with the rule of six, threats of closing pubs and restaurants etc will take more planning and organising for big families, not less! One event for 20 is a hell of a lot easier to plan and schedule than 4 or 5 separate events over a 4 day period over several different locations.

My family starts planning around this time. Marks and Spencer food orders etc.

We have been chatting about how we will manage. I live alone and I don’t mind saying it is a worry. We will wait and see, but we haven’t booked the usual plays and dinners.

I have a friend who is very upset at the thought of spending Christmas alone.

I think it is understandable that people, are a little unsettled. Talking things through and scenario planning helps some cope with the uncertainty. Be kind. Let them.

We’re a family of 5 and Christmas without my parents, knowing they are alone makes me feel sad. I’m ignoring it for the moment though.

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

The rule of 6 has been an absolute gift to me this year , all I want is a quiet day !

This

I am with you and am looking forward to just me, the girls and dh on Christmas Day.

YANBU.....I love Christmas....it is my favourite time of the year ! But in the grand scheme of things it's a completely over commercialised event these days !
Yes I would like to see family if possible but I'm happy for that to be a little bit different this one year. It is what you make of it !
So many people on social media at the start of all this Covid....'appreciating the little things in life' that lasted long !
I'll be happy with just my own little family, me, OH & DC no crazy mad rushing around in the lead up to it and we will just enjoy a laid back Christmas and be grateful for what we have knowing that there is people around the world who could only ever dream of that !

It is what you make it yourself ....but people will just moan on and on if it has to change even in the slightest
We spent last Christmas Day in hospital with DC it was empty of course because no one seems to get sick on Christmas Day....it must be the quietest day of the year in the ED...we still made the most of it. As long as everyone is healthy this year (which is a pretty big if in our household with poor DC) I couldn't give a shit about anything else.

It is my son's first Christmas and my first as a parent. While he won't remember it, DH and I certainly will, so we want to start our family traditions as we mean to go on...emphasizing family over the holidays. Despite far distances, our relationships with our families are very close-knit.

My parents, siblings, and grandparents live in another country. We will not be able to see them (despite 3 grandparents being very ill and two have Alzheimer's and likely won't remember us next year if they are still alive). So chances are I will never again spend Christmas with my grandparents. Damn right I'm upset.

DH's family lives on the opposite end of England to us; a 4 hour drive on a good day. There would only be six of us as it's myself, DH, and DS, plus FIL, MIL, and SIL. SIL has significant learning difficulties and physical disabilities, so the family has been taking shielding very seriously to protect her. If restrictions are put in place regarding distance we can travel, we will not be able to see them either.

That leaves DH (who suffers badly from depression, worsened exponentially this year) and myself with a young baby, far away from all family.

You are being so unreasonable.

It's understandable that people find it hard not having Christmas to look forward to. I'm sure there was plenty of sighing during the war.

But yes, we should remember all the families who don't have next Christmas to look forward to with their loved ones and be thankful.

Some people just love the drama. So we may all have a quiet Christmas. I don’t get all the fuss about it. It’s only one year.