To be fed up of people worrying about Christmas

[HyperHippo]

Tbf I am not always a big Christmas fan due to the usual family worries and loss etc so that probably changes how I look at it.

But this year of all years I am just hoping for a quiet one where I can go with the flow, be it a small or big Christmas. Instead, I have had masses of messages debating what we will be allowed (due to Covid) to do, what Plan A, B, C, D and E should be depending on the rules and panicking that we may not be able to see one another.

These are lovely family members who I love very much, but I guess I just feel like there is so much else going on this year. I am sure we will see each other at some point over the Christmas holiday, even if in smaller groups, that it just doesn't seem something to be stressing about.

I also feel the personal upset some people are showing that they may not get a full on Christmas is a little self-centred with everything going on. All these family members live with partners/children so there is no one being left alone if we are unable to do a joint Christmas as usual.

Totally get we want something to look forward to but it is extraordinary circumstances and we just need to wait and see!

@GoldenOmber

It’s not about agreeing to be kind or be empathetic.

Being empathetic isn’t like some luxury treat you shouldn’t be expected to dish out to the masses. What’s lacking here among many posters is the basic ability to recognise that not everybody is in their situation.

“But I like the idea of being at home with just my little family and not travelling to my in-laws, so what are people making a fuss about?” Because they’re not in the same position as you, maybe? Doesn’t take that much thinking to realise this? Even on AIBU?

Why does it only go one way. though?

Op is hacked off with something too. Be empathetic to her.
Listening to endless angst about anything is really wearing. Let alone something people have no control over, may or may not happen and is a bit of a luxury anyway, is even more so.
Sympathy for those that are locked down is one thing but 3 months from now we could all be locked down, family members could be seriously ill or we could be allowed to meet again.
I get the need for a sense of proportion about Christmas.

I have to work all the way through Christmas every year. Not even a pandemic can change that.

Op is hacked off with something too. Be empathetic to her.

Be empathetic to her being annoyed that other people are stressed about Christmas? Well, okay, she feels however she feels, but it doesn't change that many people on this thread are incapable of seeing or caring any further than their own noses with this "why is everyone complaining I'm going to have a lovely time!" approach.

For us it's no different we don't have a lot of family! People moaning annoy me just for grateful you have a big family.

Op is hacked off with something too. Be empathetic to her

Lolol the OP being mildly irritated by people talking about Christmas is hardly comparable to people being genuinely sad and tearful at the thought of not seeing their loved ones is it? I mean, by that rationale you could easily tell the OP to shut up and stop complaining about insignificant crap seeing as we have FAR more important issues to deal with right now eh?!

I have decided we won't be able to get together with family as usual and have made plans to suit me and no-one else (apart from DH) It's a relief tbh

Read the OP again - she has a big family. They are trying to work out how to make sure everyone sees each other, while sticking to the rules. Essentially asking her to firm up some plans so she can fit in the complex schedule needed to make sure everyone can see each other without going over the rule of 6.

People like the OP who refuse to plan while giving the impression they would like to see families members are fucking annoying.

"Going with the flow" as she would like, requires other people to make the flow happen.

I bet she's the sort to leave it until mid December then expect to be able to see family at some point, or say "well if you don't care about seeing the grandchildren, that's fine" when extended family have made plans that dont include her because she won't include herself at the planning stage.

OP - if your plan is to hunker down and see no one outside your household, say so. Tell them your plan is to stay put and see no one and host no one. Then stick to it. If you would like to see wider family if at all possible, speak up now.

Suggesting you will go with the flow is annoying. There is no flow. You mean make everyone fit round you at the last minute.

My family have started with 'planning', and honestly, as much as it is worrying me, talking about what might or might not happen is making it worse.

I just think things are so changeable at the moment, we should just wait and see what's happening further down the line, and then make plans accordingly.

I mean, as things are at the moment, the only person I can legally be in the same private-home room with is my partner, and if we stay in extra measures as long as other areas, that'll cross Christmas anyway!

I love Christmas and as a family we all take turns hosting it. We don’t live near each other so we would all stop over as well.
This year we’ve all without really discussing it that we are staying within our own home’s :( I’m gutted as I’ve hardly seen my family this year. And miss them.
We have invited my MIL as she will be alone but she very uncertain whether she will come sadly - we’ve told her that we will pick up etc.
It’s sad for us to think of her alone but she is very worried about dying due to Covid.

Not worried about Christmas at all.
DS has already had his present (a Switch Lite) as his social contact is very limited and isn't likely to improve with further restrictions. On Christmas day we will be cooking a chicken dinner, have a nice walk, watch some films . No big deal.
If allowed to mix with others then that can be done on boxing Day or whenever

Some sad stories on this thread. Big hand hold, to anyone who'd like one, for anyone facing the prospect of Christmas alone, or who can't see relatives who might not have many more Christmases left.

I go all out to make Christmas a special holiday for my DC6, but my heart's never really been truly in it since my Mum died. Like a PP I had miscarriages on two consecutive Christmases before DC arrived. We visited the inlaws the second when I was still ill after a messy, painful uterine infection, and they were so horrible to me I retired to bed in the early evening. (And yes, they did know exactly what was wrong with me). I now don't visit. With in-laws like this and the lack of my mum, Easter has long been my favourite holiday as it carries none of the conventional obligations of Christmas.

We've made have plenty of lovely traditions I now cherish, and needless to say most are now on the skids for this year. DC is an only child so we always spend Boxing Day with one set of Godparents and New Year's Eve at a big party with the others. Godmother (Boxing Day) has elderly, frail parents who I've known all my life and are like a second family to me. They probably don't have a lot of time left. My Church has a 'longest night' service to remember lost loved ones which I find an incredible source of comfort: this won't now take place. I so feel for the little ones who can't put on their usual Christmas play, which I love and will miss hugely. We have a big blow-out the first or second week of December with two other couples we're close friends with, including the kids. I look forward to this for months: gone.

I'm lucky to have a DH and DC I love. I have many blessings to count. But despite this, it's a time of year that seems to magnify all the losses, and the fact that my family of origin has largely gone. It never doesn't carry its own sadness.

One word of pragmatism: if a week is a long time in politics, in 2020 it's an eternity. A lot could still change between now and December.

Sending positivity to all

I have found it a little difficult not to join in when people I know on social media have been panicking about shops not being open in the run-up to Christmas and therefore buying all their presents now. I generally start buying presents around this time but I'm trying not to buy into the panic of needing everything purchased now just in case. There is still online shopping after all if it does go that way...

Restrictions on people meeting won't really have too big an effect on us as we have a small family and tend to just have Christmas dinner with MiL (in our bubble) and see my DPs on Boxing Day. We will just adapt as necessary if we're unable to see other households, as we've been doing all along.

I am a little disappointed we may not be able to take DD to see Santa or to Christmas events/places but it's not a big deal really. She's only 2 so doesn't really understand going to see a big fat man in a suit giving out gifts. It's more for our memories and the photos. I would only take her to events if I felt that it was safe to do so and they were well managed.

We will decorate at home but unlikely to put our tree up because of working from home - there's just no space for it with a desk set-up where we would normally put the tree! Some people may think that's a bit depressing but we need to be realistic and I'm sure we can still do things so we can all enjoy the magic of the season.

Christmas is usually a big thing in our family. We usually do Christmas day at home and then we all (us, dsc, sil, bils and dns) get together at mils on boxing day. It's the only time we can all get together now that dsc and some dns are 18 and have their own lives with friends, uni and work.

I'm worrying that the rule of 6 will still be in force as it means my dsc who will have just turned 18 won't be able to stay as they usually would as we'll be over 6. Luckily my dad will still be able to come as the rules are now as we're his support bubble as he lives alone since my mum died.

We won't be able to see my in laws unless we go in two separate groups and can't see bil, sil and dns at all unless we wave through the window as there's more than 6 of them in their house.

It does seem ridiculous and unfair that we can't see family in groups of more than 6 in my area yet the dcs are all crammed in classrooms of 30+ without social distancing or masks for 6 hours a day at school.

@AnneLovesGilbert

It’s all very well saying there’s a lot going on this year. The shitter things are the more people need something to look forward to. One of the hardest things for loads of people is not being able to plan anything as this nightmare stretches further ahead of us all.

Christmas is an anchor in the year and it’s perfectly normal people want a positive focus for their energy and attention.

If you’re unwilling or unable to take part in planning within your family it’s okay to be honest and say you’re not there yet and you’ll leave it much closer to the time to decide what you’ll be doing.

This was basically going to be my response