Page 7 | To be fed up of people worrying about Christmas

ohidontknow2020 · 09/10/2020 08:38

We live abroad and haven’t had a Christmas with our family for 2 years. We are also a family of 6 so we absolutely cannot travel to see them now. My Nan is in her nineties now so it could be the last Christmas we have with her. I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Some people’s situations are pretty different to your own.

corythatwas · 09/10/2020 09:06

These are lovely family members who I love very much, but I guess I just feel like there is so much else going on this year. I am sure we will see each other at some point over the Christmas holiday, even if in smaller groups, that it just doesn't seem something to be stressing about.

That's nice for you, OP. I haven't been able to see my parents since last Christmas due to Covid, they are in their late 80s and we all know that if I can't make it this Christmas we may well never see each other again.

My father's hearing is failing so I can't speak to him on the phone, they are shielding so can't get anyone to set up skype or similar for them.

Denny53 · 09/10/2020 09:06

@ohidontknow2020

We live abroad and haven’t had a Christmas with our family for 2 years. We are also a family of 6 so we absolutely cannot travel to see them now. My Nan is in her nineties now so it could be the last Christmas we have with her. I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Some people’s situations are pretty different to your own.

If that’s aimed at me I said quite clearly at the beginning of my post that ‘as long as our parents/ grandparents are ok’ I totally get everyone’s situation is different- I’m telling you MINE!

Willow12 · 09/10/2020 09:29

We have already made our plans, MIL with BIL at her house (he has a MH illness, so they have bubbled up), my Mum, Dad and brother (single, so allowed to bubble with them) at their house, and us at home. I am working all over Christmas, so slightly anxious about how I'm going to do the dinner 😱, could be pot noodles 🤣, but I'll manage. Usually we are all together, minimum 9 of us, Dad does the turkey, Mum does the stuffing, sausages, bacon, preps the sauces, buys the pud, we take the veg prepped, then my brother and I finish it off while Dad carves. I get the kids up at 6 if they aren't already, and they open their stockings and presents, then they come with me to work for half an hour (til they're bored with cleaning and helping! 🤣) It'll be a bit different this year, and obviously that's made us all sad, but we'll do our best, probably video call one house and maybe stand in the street and wave at the other because we're closer and they aren't techie. I feel in a better place mentally because we've got a good idea of what the plan is already, and even if they say we can get together at someone's home, which at the moment we can't here, we won't risk it. My only real concern is what the kids will do all day while I'm at work, and DH is snoring away recovering from working Christmas Eve into Day. I think it'll be a Christmas Film and PJ day probably! It's only a day when all's said and done, I hate having to work it, but maybe one year someone else might volunteer for my shift! We'll all still enjoy ourselves with games and overindulgence of food, if not drink. I feel lucky that we're well enough to enjoy it. Oh, and by then, the light will be returning! ☀️☀️😁

corythatwas · 09/10/2020 09:31

" ‘as long as our parents/ grandparents are ok’"

My parents are ok. They have 3 other children looking out for them. I'm the one that's not ok at the thought of maybe never seeing my mum and dad again. And that's allowed too.

MagpieSong · 09/10/2020 09:32

Yes and no. Other festivals were unable to be celebrated with large gatherings so it’s only right Christmas should be treated in the same way, dependent on case numbers etc.

However, many of us don’t live near to parents and may be unlikely to see anyone if certain rules come in place/are in place at Christmas eg, local lockdown/Wales looking at closing border to England/new travel restrictions etc. In that case, many of us have seen family once or not at all since the start of all this and it’s understandable they’re feeling a bit down about the thought of isolating at Christmas. I’m going to try and have a good one whatever, but doesn’t mean I don’t miss friends and family who are long distance. We only moved not long before lockdown and had no real friends in the area yet, so barely seen anyone since rules came in.

LovelyIssues · 09/10/2020 09:46

YANBU. The last thing I'm worried about is Christmas and tbh quite looking forward to a quiet one without hosting etc

takethegirloutofwales · 09/10/2020 12:02

I’ve taken control or my own Christmas ordered my turkey, booked my food delivery slot so I know I will be at home with my husband, two kids and three cats and a turkey big enough to feed us Christmas lunch and a few turkey sandwiches on Boxing Day etc. I like you hate this ‘oh what are we going to do’ dilemma that every one seems to have. Safe to assume that this year it will be a quiet one which we all quite enjoy anyway. Kids re getting older so we will have our present opening, lazy morning in pjs, lunch and then an afternoon doing whatever we want - watching films, eating chocolate, having a few drinks and being grateful that we are all healthy. Christmas is what you make of it at the end of the day.

takethegirloutofwales · 09/10/2020 12:04

To add. I’ve not seen my parents since last Christmas due to Covid so it’s not like it wouldn’t be wonderful to see them. But I’m in London they’re in wales, my dad is shielding, my brother (also in wales) is shielding. So given my kids are both nOw at school It would Be irresponsible
Of me to expect my parents to be in close proximity to them. I’d rather have my parents for the next 20 years than for Christmas.

corythatwas · 09/10/2020 13:04

Absolutely agree with this takethegirloutofwales. Though in my case, I know I cannot have my parents for another 20 years, in fact I most likely won't have my dad at least even by next Christmas. I will still be observing regulations because I recognise that other people want to keep their parents.

Ponoka7 · 09/10/2020 13:25

@AlwaysLatte, we are supposed to limit our social interactions and not meet with different groups of six within a short space of time. You might as well break the rule of six, as visit lots of groups of people.

According to many pictures across the media and track and trace, many did break the rules to celebrate Eid and to conduct funerals and weddings. Probably the same proportion who will break the rules for Christmas.

Christmas is different because it's a cultural celebration, not purely a religious one. If people are going to be meeting up with different groups, over the two week period, the rule of six is pointless.

Duemarch2021 · 09/10/2020 16:38

Not being funny (im a rule follower and have hardly been out during lockdown, wore masks washed hands constantly kept away from people etc) but if the government rules meant that i couldnt have an 80 odd year old mother (hypothetical) round for xmas meaning shed be alone... that means id be breaking that rule and risking the fine. Obviously id keep her as safe as possible but who knows could be their last xmas and how sad to spend it alone :(

SurroundedByIdiotsEverywhere · 09/10/2020 16:45

YANBU The people will find something else to worry about soon after, New Year's Eve, Valentines Day, Easter etc... I just ignore most of it these days!

corythatwas · 09/10/2020 18:07

For me, Christmas is different not just because of its significance but because that is one of the very few times in the year I am allowed to take time off. I don't have the kind of job where I can just book a holiday when it happens to suit me. SO if I want to see family, Christmas or the summer is when it has to be.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/10/2020 18:34

Things I look forwards to at Christmas:
catching up with various extended family groups
church services with carols
school events, nativities, fete
DS's birthday party
getting dressed up for a couple of nights out
Fairy lights and Christmas decorations to brighten up the darkest days of the year.

So great, It'll be like reliving the good old days of lockdown in March with tinsel a tree in the corner and crappier weather.

I'm not so fussed about what I do with Christmas Day on its own, and we often have it quietly as the four of us, but pretty much everything else has been stripped away from the build up and the stretch from Christmas to New Year.

I loathe mid-winter. I try my best to get out in 95% of the weather, but Christmas dominating December makes it much easier to exist through than November or January.

lynsey91 · 09/10/2020 19:20

@takethegirloutofwales "Christmas is what you make of it". Well this is true to an extent but I want to spend it with my parents who at 91 and 95 with bad health may not be alive next year.

As I said before I have never spent a Christmas not with my parents and I am in my 60's. Yes me and DH could have a good Christmas but it won't be the same with my parents, my sisters and their husbands, my nieces and nephews and their partners. It is the ONE time we all get together as most of them work and it is impossible to get a date that we are all free.

I get that some people are not bothered about Christmas and some are looking forward to a quiet Christmas but not all of us feel the same

takethegirloutofwales · 10/10/2020 08:33

@lynsey91 - in your situation I would be the same. But I’m guessing you are able to be be much More cautious about keeping yourself safe than we are. My issue now is that the kids - 10 and 12 are mixing freely with their school bubbles. Daughter’s secondary had already had 16 cases so it’s a matter of time possibly until she brings it home. That in itself scares me. Though DH and I are well and in our early 40s, we can only hope that we’d get away with it lightly if we caught it. My parents are in their late 60s so I don’t have that imminent worry that this Xmas might’ve their last - though it could be for any of us. But yes - in your position And if my Nan was still alive my parents would be doing the same as you. But I imagine that would be safe given they haven’t been in contact with anyone less than 2m distance since the start. They’ve taken it very seriously.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 10/10/2020 09:06

I'm finding this thread hard work, because it seems many have interpreted the rule of 6 as not being able to see anyone, even though they are only a family of 4. If there's you, your DP and 2dc, then yes you can see you parents over Christmas. Its just you can't go to their house at the same time as your sibling and their DP & DCs. So you know, a schedule needs arranging so you all stay below 6 at a time.

And that schedule will need to factor in various work patterns, in-laws, travel arrangements and who's got panto tickets etc. So it does need planning earlier than most other years when it was OK to pop over to your mums with the dcs when she'd got your Aunt there. This year there is no "more the merrier" or "everyone's welcome, let me know if you can make it!"

It can be done. Some families already spent the Christmas period visiting multiple houses rather than having one big party on 25th. But starting the planning now for larger families seems sensible.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 10/10/2020 09:09

Oh and do understand if you are in tighter lockdown or have vunerable members of your family, thats a different issue.

GoldenOmber · 10/10/2020 10:04

Gosh there are a lot of people with very little empathy on here. Lovely that you’re looking forward to a quiet cosy Christmas with just your little family because you daren’t say no to your in-laws any other year, bit mean to complain that others aren’t sharing your joy.

lazylinguist · 10/10/2020 10:26

Look - everyone has their own particular aspects of the pandemic measures that inconvenience them, piss them off or make them a bit sad. It isn't 'selfish' to wish you were able to do something you love or that means a lot to you. Besides, you admit that this is probably at least partly to do with your own mixed feelings about Christmas. So YABU.

I love Christmas. Plus I live a long way away from my parents and even further away from dsis and her family. Christmas is the only time I really ever see them all together, and I won't be able to. I have cheerfully followed the rules throughout (even when they seemed contradictory or silly). I think I'm allowed to be a bit miffed about the rule of 6 at Christmas.

Revealall · 10/10/2020 11:00

@GoldenOmber

Gosh there are a lot of people with very little empathy on here. Lovely that you’re looking forward to a quiet cosy Christmas with just your little family because you daren’t say no to your in-laws any other year, bit mean to complain that others aren’t sharing your joy.

It’s AIBU. The idea is people tell you if they think you are being unreasonable or not. It’s not about agreeing to be kind or be empathetic.The OP’s fed up with fuss over an event that’s 3 months away. She’s allowed.

Just say YABU if you think and back it up with the point you want to make. “ it’s mean” isn’t even worth writing.

GoldenOmber · 10/10/2020 11:07

It’s not about agreeing to be kind or be empathetic.

Being empathetic isn’t like some luxury treat you shouldn’t be expected to dish out to the masses. What’s lacking here among many posters is the basic ability to recognise that not everybody is in their situation.

“But I like the idea of being at home with just my little family and not travelling to my in-laws, so what are people making a fuss about?” Because they’re not in the same position as you, maybe? Doesn’t take that much thinking to realise this? Even on AIBU?

GoldenOmber · 10/10/2020 11:10

Reminds me of the people who enjoyed lockdown and just couldn’t fathom why others s didn’t. “But it’s so lovely to have a slower pace of life with lots of family time and no rushing around! Why are people making such a fuss?” Absolutely no ability to understand that not everyone was in their position.

Washimal · 10/10/2020 11:25

I have every sympathy for people who are worried they will be alone on Christmas Day. Ditto those with no family locally who have spent lockdown struggling with MH issues, job losses, bereavement and other massively stressful life events so are desperately hoping to see loved ones at Christmas for that reason. The thing is, the vast majority of people I know in real life who are fretting and complaining about Christmas are not in this position. They are people who have come through lockdown relatively unscathed and who will still be able to celebrate in comfort and safety with people they love, just not in exactly the way they usually would. "But we always have all our friends and neighbors over for drinks on Christmas Eve!" or "we always go to my Auntie's house for dinner! If the rule of six is still in place I'll have to do dinner myself and I hate cooking!" are two complaints I've heard recently and admit to not feeling particularly sympathetic.