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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of people worrying about Christmas

189 replies

HyperHippo · 07/10/2020 15:41

Tbf I am not always a big Christmas fan due to the usual family worries and loss etc so that probably changes how I look at it.

But this year of all years I am just hoping for a quiet one where I can go with the flow, be it a small or big Christmas. Instead, I have had masses of messages debating what we will be allowed (due to Covid) to do, what Plan A, B, C, D and E should be depending on the rules and panicking that we may not be able to see one another.

These are lovely family members who I love very much, but I guess I just feel like there is so much else going on this year. I am sure we will see each other at some point over the Christmas holiday, even if in smaller groups, that it just doesn't seem something to be stressing about.

I also feel the personal upset some people are showing that they may not get a full on Christmas is a little self-centred with everything going on. All these family members live with partners/children so there is no one being left alone if we are unable to do a joint Christmas as usual.

Totally get we want something to look forward to but it is extraordinary circumstances and we just need to wait and see!

OP posts:
BathtubGin · 07/10/2020 22:40

@blue25

Some people just love the drama. So we may all have a quiet Christmas. I don’t get all the fuss about it. It’s only one year.
Yeah, that drama of shall we leave a terminally ill man home alone.
MooseBreath · 07/10/2020 23:08

@blue25 That one year you mention is the last Christmas I could spend with my terminally ill grandparents. Due to the pandemic and restrictions around it, I will never again have them at a family gathering. This year isn't one that some people will ever get back, and I don't understand why some people on this thread find it so hard to comprehend that others are in awful situations this year.

Fredshred · 07/10/2020 23:40

@blue25

Some people just love the drama. So we may all have a quiet Christmas. I don’t get all the fuss about it. It’s only one year.
Did someone mention tone deaf... seems like a lot of people have no empathy to those who live alone (so no, they can’t just enjoy their own little unit), maybe see hardly anyone in the course of their lives and haven’t seen family since last December. “Be kind”, yeah, that didn’t last long either.
Revealall · 08/10/2020 06:20

@ShinyMe

I give up. People who live with families don't get it, do they?
Give up then.

It’s not about being alone. You can see six people even if you don’t live with them. Anytime.
No one has to be alone even a terminally ill man ( hate the top trumps cancer card someone pulls on here). But nearer the time and expectations of it being scaled back.

SnackRussell · 08/10/2020 06:26

YABU. In Scotland we aren’t allowed any other households in our houses at all. Although I don’t have a large family, because both my siblings died, it’s only my parents left I’d actually quite like to see them! This year has been tough and I would like to have something to look forward to.

Florencex · 08/10/2020 06:44

I understand that nobody wants to be alone at Christmas. But I don’t understand why some people cannot vary their routine just this one year (hopefully only one year). On another forum I have heard of an extended family of eight wringing their hands and planning to break the rules because it is inconceivable that they cannot spend the day in their own family units of five and three.

ShinyMe · 08/10/2020 06:51

Argh. Some people don't have 6 people to visit. Or the people they do have are in areas where you can't visit. Or they're worried that rules might change betwe
en now and Christmas. A scaled back Christmas for them means nobody at all, not a nice cosy little Christmas with a handful of people. I'm not sure why that's so hard for some people to understand. But I'm sorry if our moaning and negativity are inconveniencing the OP and others.

Such a lack of empathy around sometimes.

wanderings · 08/10/2020 07:28

It’s only one year.

It's "only" to flatten the curve...
We can turn this virus around in "only" twelve weeks...
It will be "normalish" by Christmas...
The restrictions are going on for "only" six more months...

Lots of promises of "it won't be for long", "it won't be forever", etc, while at the same time "this is your new normal".

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/10/2020 07:58

Who's saying this is "the new normal"? I've heard it said about things like working from home, I've never heard it said about living with coronavirus.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/10/2020 08:03

@SnackRussell

YABU. In Scotland we aren’t allowed any other households in our houses at all. Although I don’t have a large family, because both my siblings died, it’s only my parents left I’d actually quite like to see them! This year has been tough and I would like to have something to look forward to.
I suspect that will be the case for England soon given how many chat or won’t count to six and cases are where they care.

It’s going to need something strict to stop those who won’t comply so maybe no visitors (bar the single person support bubble) and no travel etc.

FightMilkTM · 08/10/2020 08:04

At least we can be 99% sure that the government won’t suddenly bring in new rules on Christmas Eve, fucking up plans like they did to many British Muslims.

Sirzy · 08/10/2020 08:07

@FightMilkTM

At least we can be 99% sure that the government won’t suddenly bring in new rules on Christmas Eve, fucking up plans like they did to many British Muslims.
Don’t be so sure!

Although even worse their was talk that they where considering removing the restrictions on Christmas Day which would be even worse and even more of a kick in the teeth for the Muslims, Jews and others who have had their celebrations messed up by this year.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/10/2020 08:13

@Florencex

I understand that nobody wants to be alone at Christmas. But I don’t understand why some people cannot vary their routine just this one year (hopefully only one year). On another forum I have heard of an extended family of eight wringing their hands and planning to break the rules because it is inconceivable that they cannot spend the day in their own family units of five and three.
I am with you on that.

As for people living by themselves. You should have a support bubble so you can spend it with them (in England, not sure about others).

movingonup20 · 08/10/2020 08:14

Completely agree @HyperHippo

We need to chill out. Wait and see what happens in the next 6 weeks. Put aside money each week rather than food shopping early.

I'm expecting to be able to go to my parents (same low incident region) but no one else is allowed to travel to be honest. My DD's are at university and I'm expecting not to see them

movingonup20 · 08/10/2020 08:19

Ps - normally I would be super busy organising concerts but of course I'm gainfully unemployed! I will miss singing carols and midnight mass though

AlwaysLatte · 08/10/2020 08:23

I do get it to be honest, I'm planning now because I like to be very organised for Christmas, and with groups being smaller people will need to book which days to go where so they can see who's available when. I'm basing it on various groups of six on different days, and if the rules relax we can either change it or keep it as it is.

Seeline · 08/10/2020 08:39

Support bubble doesn't work for us. Both my mum and MIL are on their own. DH is an only child and my sister is 200 miles away. Which 80 year old do we bubble with?

CountreeGurl · 08/10/2020 08:42

The reaction to Christmas seems childish, no one was bleating on when Eid was cancelled or Diwali. Most people will have many more Christmases to enjoy in their lives. I can understand why people would be upset if they think it's potentially the last Christmas for them or a family member. I am in this position with a terminally ill relative, but I'd rather not risk giving them, or anyone else, covid for the sake of one day

IceniWarrior · 08/10/2020 08:44

No doubt if you have a holiday abroad and you had no idea whether it was going to go ahead, you would feel the uncertainty of the situation?

Christmas is something some people look forward to. It allows people to take time out and focus on other things, other than the mundane. People have been having special feasts for thousands of years to break up the year.

I'm assuming you want to appear amazingly stoic, perplexed over how other weaker folk, not like amazing you, get so disappointed over one measly little day.

People want to see each other. They want to spend time with those they love. They want to connect with those who live alone, those they may not see again, those they are missing growing up. That is what Christmas is about isn't it? Taking time out being with those you love. Can't you see why it will upset people, especially if this year has been extremely shit for them?

It's sad other people are wishing the rules onto other people lives, happy to limit others just because they don't have courage to say they want a quiet Christmas this year.

Camomila · 08/10/2020 08:51

Although even worse their was talk that they where considering removing the restrictions on Christmas Day which would be even worse and even more of a kick in the teeth for the Muslims, Jews and others who have had their celebrations messed up by this year.

If they did it wouldn't be about religion (Easter was in full lockdown) it would be about wanting everyone to buy presents and giant turkeys. Tbh I wouldn't put it past them to tighten restrictions after everyone's finished shopping.

If they keep the rule of 6 I've already said to my parents we'll stay home so my brother can see them. Although it's annoying as person no 7 is a baby that doesn't go to nursery yet.

BeyondMyWits · 08/10/2020 08:51

My "child" is at uni in Wales, we are in England. She was not allowed to come home for months this year already due to the restrictions on travel in Wales. She can't come home now as she is in a lockdown area and students going home is "not a reasonable excuse for travel". At this rate we may not see her for months again. Christmas has always been the light at the end of the tunnel, so thinking about it not happening is just heartbreaking. What mum wants to imagine their teenager sat alone at Christmas, how can we celebrate thinking of that. Some people on here are heartless.

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/10/2020 09:01

Will she be "sat alone at Christmas " though @BeyondMyWits. I have a nephew at uni, also in Wales, and he and his block are already making plans for a "plan B" Christmas just in case. I'm sure dsis would be gutted if he cant make it but I'm sure he'll be fine.

MakeAPeaCry · 08/10/2020 10:01

BeyondMyWits I don't know if this helps but I had a year at uni where myelf and two friends got stuck there for all of Christmas. We made the best of it and each bought/made foods according to our home traditions and preferences. It remains one of my best Christmas memories - just the three of us having this slightly crazy, "no rules" Christmas Day in our pyjamas.

It was pre video calling home too - so just some quick calls home.

I appreciate that might not suit everyone for various reasons, but thought I would share.

BeyondMyWits · 08/10/2020 10:47

I'm sure she'll be fine, but i will still worry about her. I had a Christmas alone once due to weather. Put a brave face on it, but it was a bit crappy.

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/10/2020 10:49

Of course you'll worry and it may indeed be a bit crappy, but Christmas 2021 will be amazing.