My daughter

[tvsnacking]

I need to know if i am an complete cow..
we live in the middle of nowhere. Not uk. My daughter , 12, going to School 3 km from home. Now she ride a bike to School , but winter is coming.
I am sahm.
We have a possibility to her to drive to and from School in a sort of a taxi , cost nothing. But you only book one Seat and it is booked the Day before.
My daughter Think i should drive her, in case she want friends home with her.
I say, if you know the Day before, i am happy to book 2 seats. But no, they always make plans on the Day, so she Can never have friends home.
The reasons for me to sah is irrelevant - i Think - but i Think my offer for her to go in taxi (or use her bike?) is good enough.
She think I am the worst mother for not driving her.
What do you think?

I think she needs to learn about forward planning. Tell her it’s a valuable life skill.

Why can't you drive her? I work and do the school runs for my 4 in secondary school, their school is a 2.5 mile walk/cycle which they do in good weather but rAin/cold, I drive them. 🤷‍♀️

If it was the week before, I’d understand.
But day before is fine

And presumably on the day arrangements aren’t too frequent at all??so you could say that every now and then...yes happy to collect them both if pouring rain and arrangements made on the day

I don't drive her for 2 reasons.
I have huge enxiety for driving . (Don't tell me I need to practice, I have done for 4 years, it take up my mind all my day to do) and I can. It just take all my headspace, and I don't want to.
And because she is 12! And she get a taxi! Plan If you want friends with you - they talk constantly online, it is a question of planning .
And ok, 3. Reason - I feel like "well you are home anyway, so what do you have to do, besides this"!
She just cancelled a movie night because I am the most crap mother in the world ..

However as for seeing my daughter head off in a howling wind and rain in Jan on a bike whilst I have a coffee? I’d drive her every day in dec-end of feb unless a mild sunny day

It’s 3km . Can’t they walk if she makes last minute plans?

It’s not all or nothing OP

Presumably most days she comes home after school for homework and chill out? Doesn’t she have any after school activities?

@Atadaddicted

However as for seeing my daughter head off in a howling wind and rain in Jan on a bike whilst I have a coffee? I’d drive her every day in dec-end of feb unless a mild sunny day

Really? Op has said she can get a taxi if booked the day before???

Is the taxi a private hire? They have several seats

I'd never send my dc in a taxi if I'm at home with access to a car and can drive. It's very unreasonable of you to send her in a taxi because you have anxiety...that needs addressing. Personally I'd feel far more anxious thinking of my child alone in a taxi.

At least read the fucking op if replying.

Booking the day before is fine, you are not being unreasonable to need 12 hours notice and nbu to not want to drive but give her a choice taxi or bike.

It is a taxi. But sort of a "personale bus" so you book a Seat . Cost is like a bus. Because of lack of bus .
She Can ride her bike , walk, or take the taxi.
She is online with her friends nok stop. She Can plan.
Yes i am at home. I have a car. But i Think the offer she has now, is more than reasonoble.
But she is so angry. (I have driven her for 4 years, since we moved here, but i just dont want to. I want to write a book. Exercise. Whatever. She is 12 and it is a good offer. I Think)

How long does the journey take you to drive?

I think you could agree that she brings home friends on a Friday evening once a week and you pick them up in the car, on the other days she can cycle or take the taxi. She is only 12 and finding her way in the world, why wouldn't you want to help her?

You have been driving for 4 years so you can do it. Your exercise should come before your own child tbf.

**NOT

My enxiety is adressed. But not done overnight. I have prioritized driving her for many years , but i need to prioritize me too, and i really Think she has it good. Ride a bike or take the bloody taxi. Plan, if you want friends with you.
Everybody say "Well you should pratice" - i did! For many years!
And regarding my enxiety - Well exercise, friends and other stuff is also good - for me...

@Friendsoftheearth

I think you could agree that she brings home friends on a Friday evening once a week and you pick them up in the car, on the other days she can cycle or take the taxi. She is only 12 and finding her way in the world, why wouldn't you want to help her?

You have been driving for 4 years so you can do it. Your exercise should come before your own child tbf.

This.

Tell her she can have one day a week where you'll pick her and her friends up to come back to yours. Rest of the time she's on the bus.

Is the taxi the size of a small bus? Are there a lot of seats? Who uses it? Only school children or anyone?

If anyone, I wouldn’t let my 12 year old daughter ride the bus or cycle (cycling in summer ok) I would drive her, or move if possible.

I understand that you find driving difficult but if you have been able to manage it for 4 years, could you not just pick her up if she wants to bring a friend home, assuming it is an occasional thing?

That said, I assume you pick her up from friends houses, or parties etc as you live in the middle of nowhere?

What about a compromise - she takes the taxi every morning - you offer to fetch her two days a week for any spontaneous play dates - any other day can be planned - at least that way you don’t have to think about driving in the morning, and then make a commitment to do pick ups twice a week.

YANBU. 3km is a half hour walk, they’ll spend it chatting all the way home - it won’t be nearly as boring as when she’s on her own.

How lazy are these kids that can’t walk less than two miles because it’s cold or might be raining? Sure if they have a portfolio case or guitar or loads of kit, then fine. But cold or wet? Get a suitable coat.

We are in Denmark. The car is a taxi. If she tell me the Day before, i am happy to book two seats. Every Day, if she want. But she dont plan, she just want oppertunities. Here and now. And she like me to jump at her whim.
I hate driving. Really. I Can. And i do if i need to. But i dont need to Pick her from School. I Think. Or not .

(I have driven her for 4 years, since we moved here, but i just dont want to. I want to write a book. Exercise. Whatever. She is 12 and it is a good offer. I Think)

Your anxiety cannot be that bad if you’ve done this for 4years. It’s not her fault you chose to live in a rural area with no friends in neighbouring homes. She’s only 12, that’s too young to make it her responsibility to get transport to school. Driving 3km will take only 5mins of your time each way. I think you should at least drive her in winter and on bad weather days. I’d never let my child cycle on a road in the rain or ice or dark of winter. The chances of a car hitting them would be what I would worry about.

I love my children to have independance and I promote it as much as I can. However, I do think you are being a bit mean and putting your own interests in front of your daughters.

You do have the luxury of all day to write and exercise. Popping out for 10-20 mins to collect her when it's raining or if she wants a friend home isn't unreasonable.

Does she have a phone? Could she just text you in the day if a friend can come home and then you collect her? Otherwise she comes home on the taxi.

She's only 12 - I still think she needs a bit nurturing.