My daughter

[tvsnacking]

I need to know if i am an complete cow..
we live in the middle of nowhere. Not uk. My daughter , 12, going to School 3 km from home. Now she ride a bike to School , but winter is coming.
I am sahm.
We have a possibility to her to drive to and from School in a sort of a taxi , cost nothing. But you only book one Seat and it is booked the Day before.
My daughter Think i should drive her, in case she want friends home with her.
I say, if you know the Day before, i am happy to book 2 seats. But no, they always make plans on the Day, so she Can never have friends home.
The reasons for me to sah is irrelevant - i Think - but i Think my offer for her to go in taxi (or use her bike?) is good enough.
She think I am the worst mother for not driving her.
What do you think?

Although am not sure how she can book 2 seats, as she states earlier that she can only book 1?

God no - she either lets you know beforehand or if she wants to live on the edge she walks

some of these replies are amazing, for example kids living in london travel around for school and socialising without parents.
i can understand your anxiety op and i think that some posters are rather harsh tbh but then everyone has their own opinion so noone is strictly right or wrong because what works for one person /family doesn't work for others.
have a set day when friends can visit and book seats.

I can’t believe so many people think 12 is too young to make your own way back from school. I thought it was normal for lots of kids to do this once you start secondary school.

It’s normal if there is a gang of kids going in the same direction together. But 12 is too young to be walking on their own.

Why on earth would a 12 year old need her Mum to drive her to and from school when there is a free school transport provided - it sounds like a sort of school minibus service.

And she has a bike and is used to cycling, and it is an easy walking distance.

Kids need their independence at secondary age - this kid is demanding to be molly coddled and have her Mum as personal taxi rather than free school transport provided.

My Dc would have been mortified to be driven to school (we are not in the rural wilds where there is no choice). Very embarrassing on front of friends.

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I can’t believe so many people think 12 is too young to make your own way back from school. I thought it was normal for lots of kids to do this once you start secondary school.

It’s normal if there is a gang of kids going in the same direction together. But 12 is too young to be walking on their own.

WHAT???

Honestly @tvsnacking if I’d kicked up a stink like this my mum would just say no, she’s not my private taxi and I’m big enough and ugly enough to sort myself out.

I will say the same to my sons who started secondary school in September (albeit the distance is shorter).

I also don’t think that there’s anything wrong with a woman putting herself first in this instance. Many, many children don’t have the luxury of inviting friends over with no notice; many many don’t have a parent at home at the time they get home. It’s not harmful to say no to a 12 year old. It’s not something she’s crying out for support on for goodness sake.

I know it’s not the same as probably Denmark is safer than the UK, but when my now adult son was a teenager and in his early 20s I drove him all over the place as I was so terrified for his safety. There were loads of teenagers being stabbed and he got mugged three times on the way home from school.

I think at 12 years old your daughter is still a child and it will take her a While to plan her life like an adult would. She will be off your hands in a few years, so make the most of her now. So, yes I would be running her to and from school for a while yet and encouraging her to have friends round.

I mean, it’s pure laziness on the daughters part. Let’s not sugar coat it! It was when I didn’t want to walk home from school as well.

@Thomasina79 where the fuck was this?! Downtown Beirut?!

do what suits you and your family op

We live on a farm. Farms all around. Everybody else going to "after School clubs"- she cam too. And her dad Pick her up at 4.
But no, she want to go home, Right after school. Fine . But taxi or bike .
No cars around . Take 15 minut om bike. And i Can book ekstra Seat 2 hours before.
But noooooo / not good enough .

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I think you sound a bit spoilt to be honest. How long would it take you to drive there really, 20 minutes out of your busy schedule of exercise an writing a book? Meanwhile, she’s 12, she’s got no choice where she lives. I feel sorry for her that her mother is too self absorbed to take 20 minutes out her day to pick up her child. That is not being a SAHM just a SAH.

No, it is the Dd who sounds spoilt.

My Kids would never beg lifts off me - and I haven't got a child with special needs at home.

It is not a parent's beholden duty to drive 12 year olds about when there is alternative safe and free transport available.

No wonder the planet is in such a state with carbon emissions when this is the preferred option over a shared school transport.

OP - tell your dd that you cannot put the extra emissions on your carbon footprint when shared transport is available and she need to think of the planet.

She can have friends round, every day if she wants, she just needs to let her mother know IN ADVANCE. most 12year Olds I know get the school bus and you can't add a seat but as parents are working they have to suck it up. My child who walks has to let me know the day before as I foster dogs and wouldn't allow them to be around when a friend visits.

I do say she needs forward planning. Ours had to sort in advance to change plans or invite someone over/ go to someone’s house. No pub transport so it was persuade school bus driver to take an extra person and arrange transport home or not. Cycling not a possibility and I was restricted by other children’s schedules and work.

It was good for them to plan ahead, to consider the impact their wants had on others and to learn you cannot do everything you want all the time.
Cycling or taxi gives two very reasonable options.

All her friends help Them selves in my kitchen . All welcome to stay for dinner. Always . I know Them all.
They are all welcome . Always.
Just give me 2 hours to book taxi - why is that so awfull?
You dont ger more Secure roads. Only traktors , deer and pheasant here.

Ideally she'd plan. Personally if she was my DD and I was a SAHM I'd pick her and any friends up. It's really important to have friends and build a social network in real life, I'd do what I could to further that.

Isn't this really over your anxiety which doesn't sound fixed at all?

You've been driving her for 4 years, so you can obviously keep doing so. You want to write a book or exercise but you can do that the whole rest of the day while she's at school. I really don't understand your reasons.

Driving 3km when there are perfectly viable alternatives is why the planet's fucked. 3km is nothing, you can bike that even in bad weather.

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

Why on earth would a 12 year old need her Mum to drive her to and from school when there is a free school transport provided - it sounds like a sort of school minibus service.

And she has a bike and is used to cycling, and it is an easy walking distance.

Kids need their independence at secondary age - this kid is demanding to be molly coddled and have her Mum as personal taxi rather than free school transport provided.

My Dc would have been mortified to be driven to school (we are not in the rural wilds where there is no choice). Very embarrassing on front of friends.

This. Can't believe most of the replies on here. YANBU at all OP. Clearly your daughter is annoyed because she didnt get what she wanted today, but....that's ok. I wonder if you posted the opposite (she kicked off so you drove and got her friend for the movie night for example) would you be accused of spoiling her by the same posters?

Ok to be fair it was the first couple of pages of replies I was referring to.... common sense seems to have won through since!

She is aware of your home situation. She needs to plan ahed.
Keep telling her that she can book a friend to come the day before but NIOT on the day.
She really needs to understand and you need to be firm and consistent in your replies .

Your driving anxiety is similar to mine.
I understand your situation but you are lucky to get a taxi for her. Your daughter needs to understand this.

Not a hope, she has to arrange before hand with notice.

Yanbu OP. Sounds spoiled.

She has loads of easy options - plan & book taxi a day before, stay to an after school club and come home by car with her dad at 4pm (hardly late), or ride her bike or walk.i know Danish winters get a bit colder than UK but its only october & kids have the gear for it. I walked a similar distance to school in UK rain or snow from age 12, I was never driven!

Is it actually just about the lifts for her, or is it that she wants to feel that she is important to you?

Do you spend much time with her otherwise? I know I always really enjoyed car rides with my father at that age because it was something that he did for me, rather than for the family.